If Your Spouse Told The Elders On U, Is That a Marital or Religious Problem

by minimus 54 Replies latest jw friends

  • mrsjones5


    I was married once before to a man who thought he could go around me and rag on me to my mother (which she ate up). I told him the next time he did that I would kick his ass, I meant it, he knew I meant it, it never happened again. But it doesn't matter cuz I got rid of him anyway.


  • minimus

    JWs are clearly mind controlled. They refuse blood for their loved ones! They have instilled within them that GOD is more important than families, friends or the individual self. They are manipulated into believing that they must not talk to a df'd relative so that the "sinner" can see the error of his ways and come back to Jehovah and live forever! Now these people truly believe this. They don't care if it's their mom, dad or kids. They truly believe loyalty to God is more important than anything else and are willing to die for it! This is mostly a RELIGIOUS ISSUE.

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    The spouse that tells may view it as a religious problem, but only because they are under mind control. It is strictly a loyalty issue which makes it a marital problem.

    It is part of being an adult and part of being loyal to your mate to handle things between you and not go running to someone else. Marriage is for better or worse.

  • minimus

    Choosing, you have to acknowledge that if you're a JW, you're not going to think like a normal logical person.

  • Shutterbug

    I don't know what to call it, but there would be a divorce. How can a marriage survive if one of the spouses cannot be trusted. Bug

  • minimus

    There are 2 types of JWs. One that can ignore everything around him and the other that takes EVERYTHING VERY SERIOUSLY. If a mate falls into category #2, loyalty to Jehovah God aka The Organization takes precedent.

  • Cold Creek Swimmer
    Cold Creek Swimmer

    Great question! This is something that took me a long time to wrap my head around. It was not until I had some deep conversations with my best friend that I understood how the dub marriage works. I think the issue in question is a religious and marital issue.

    Let me say why, please. When a couple gets married, they are told that marriage is like a rope with three cords: Husband, Wife and God. What is not mentioned is that those three are great together until someone commits "gross wrongdoing". That is the kicker. If your spouse does this, then you go to the "Brothers" if your spouse won't. I bougth into this. My wife still does-to some extent. That is a huge problem because your are asked to put the society above your marriage in the guise of displeasing God if you cover over another's sin. Hogwash based on inept reasoning.

    2 of my closest friends have just recently begun to realize that they are not dubs anymore. I have to say that my giving the wife CoC was a big help. But that is another success story on another thread that I'll start another time. Anyway, during our discussions the wife told me that she has never thought that she would narc on her husband for anything considered wrong by others. She thought that all dub marriages were like that until recently. She realized that her thinking was "wrong" by Dub standards. The husband feels as does she. It was this combined with several other things that moved them away from dubs and into reality.

    That story only serves to make my long-winded point. Witnesses are not allowed to have a real marriage because there is always the idea in the back of each mate's mind that if they say what they think, the elders will be called to fix a problem. Only a very few fortunate ones get past this and don't feel this way. How can you be truly "One" in marriage when you have to guard your thoughts and ideas even from your spouse? It is impossible unless you go against the very core of dub teaching. Those that are lucky enough to somehow avoid this process seem to be the ones that are able to get out of Dubylon together and happily. I only hope that I can eventually help my wife to get to where I am so we can live together as one without the constant cloud of dubism hanging over our heads. I would really love to talk with her about reality, instead of avoiding the whale in the middle of our bed.


  • FlipThis


    my ex did this (f'in you know what)

    we both had left years prior.

    Then she had the balls to bring up that I was DF'd in family (custody) Court.

    For what reason I have no idea, we were arguing on whether or not the kids could go to her house for Easter....

    She's a brilliant one, she is...

    "He's DF'd! But I want my kids for Easter!"

  • flipper

    I really believe it starts out as a religious issue, which can escalate and become a marital issue if left unattended to. Both parties need to be honest with where their life is headed, what their goals are. If you are the person wanting to draw away from the "alleged faithful" JW mates views of things, it would be better to move on in my opinion, because the witness mate 9 times out of 10 is not going to change their viewpoint for anybody, including a marriage mate. You'd have to change for them, not vice versa. So move on and find yourself a good non witness mate. Just my take

  • jeanne40love

    This is a marital problem. But obviously the religion ads a special element to it. And, the sister is afraid....so afraid.... Sad. Sad. Sad.

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