What affected you more, growing up in the cult, or a dysfunctional family? (page 3)

sammielee24

Being one of jehovahs witnesses means that you live the life - there is no line between family and the organization. The cult by its own rules creates disfunctiality inside its own walls and that of all the members and their familiies. The more rabid the family, the more dysfunction can occur because the family simply cannot compete with the demands and rigidity, guilt and fear, isolation and control placed on them. sammieswife.

lesterd

Amen, that was very hard to figure out, their both the same

Scully

My family wasn't always JW - but I think the belief system appealed to them on some level as it seemed to justify the world view they had, which was pretty messed up. Shunning family members who are different or disagree with the grand poohbah is a trait that goes back several generations.

done4good

My family was pretty dysfunctional, however manageable, before the cult. The jws fed fuel to the dysfunction. It became unmanageable.

j

bikerchic

Weird but as I reflect back I have come to the conclusion my growing up in a dysfunctional family helped me from being a die hard JW and therefore it was easier for me to leave the B'org.

I didn't like being in either. I remember the first time I heard that self help guru of the 80's John Bradshaw speak and say something like; "as children in a dysfunctional family we didn't have the choice to tell our parents we would rather move down the street to the Jones house, they seem more normal." Wow that really connected with me I was always looking for normal, sigh. I've since learned NORMAL is a setting on a dryer.

tan

BOTH!!!

My stepfather was mean, ignorant, and used the religion for his own selfish reasons. He was excused of child abuse sexually and mentally through that religion.

It takes a lot to get used to a different way of thinking but I'm getting there.

For once, I'm really loving life and people.

OnTheWayOut

I understand the question, but have a problem with it. A JW would love to blame
all their problems on their dysfunctional family, and allow the doctrine to remain
blameless. As former JW's or relatives of JW's we know the religion carries
much blame in most situations.

My problem is twofold.
1. Many dysfunctions among JW's are caused by the cult.
2. If #1 is not the case, you would have those dysfunctions anyway. I would
rephrase my thinking to say that JW's heaped problems upon an already
dysfunctional family.

I have a typical dysfunctional background, and my mother became a JW when I was
very young. I honestly cannot determine how to separate how much blame to put
upon the cult for any resulting problems.

My mother would say my non-JW father was unfaithful, drinking, controlling.
My father would say my JW mother was convinced that the actual end would come
in 1975, and that caused her to be a lousy mother and was never really a good wife.
I lean toward Dad's version, but I am a bitter former JW. I also don't accept his
excuse for unfaithfulness, but people do leave their mates all the time.

sandy

No question about it the cult made my family more dysfunctional.

mcsemike

Sandy: I would agree. Most people, if not virtually all, have some problems somewhere deep down. The cult exploits and magnifies the negative aspects of these problems. I've rarely seen the WT improve a person's talents. (No potential concert violin players are encouraged to give up field service so they can join the symphony.)

Trying to live by the WT's ever-changing rules would make anyone need a therapist. It's a wonder any of them survive a lifetime in this cult without needing to be put in an institution. My deepest sympathy to all those who are suffering and cannot escape.

Apostate Kate2

For me it was most definately the cult. I came from a very dysfunctional family, to the extreme, but was not as bad as growing up under the shadow of Armageddon in the crazy pre 1970's.

The cult screwed up my head as to the nature of God. That nearly destroyed me. Wether one believes in God or not after the cult, learning that the Bible does not teach Jehovah is the mean, crazy god who jerks people around set me free.

Finding out that the Wizard of Oz was really some old farting screw ball Bethel boobs was the beginning of healing.

Along with years of therapy... PTSD, psychoanalysis, phychologist and psychiatrist for meds when needed.

I still will have past traumas come to the surface, they just don't cripple me anymore. I have learned how to cry and how to reach out to someone who cares and will listen. I love life now and have true peace and joy. .

Hang in there,

Love~Kate

What affected you more, growing up in the cult, or a dysfunctional family?

Share this