THINKING OF FAKING IT GOING FOR REINSTATEMENT (page 4)

steve2

JapanBoy, what if, after all your huge time and effort to 'fool em and fade', it still turns to custard? What if someone just happens to find out about your pathetic plan and exposes you to the local body of elders. You will then be worse off than now. At least now, you have some semblance of spine. If you go crawling back so that you can have access to your loved ones, you won't be the first person to have the plan backfire bigtime.

My advice remains the same: Grow up and take control of your life instead of living in fear - unless, of course, you prefer a life of living in fear? You'll be in good company with the witnesses who seem to have a soft spot for fear.

JapanBoy

Steve2

Maybe that's just a chance I'll have to take to get my family back. I really don't care about anything else but the 3 of them right now.

sf

JapanBoy! Haven't seen ya for a while.

You sure Ted can't "take you in"? I'm sure he would be willing.

Ask him.

sKally

Sunspot

Japanboy: I am having a bit of difficulty in trying to find the words to express my feelings on this without sounding accusatory or mean-spirited.....

but for those of us who were devoted JWs and lived by the rules....and then saw through the lies of the WTS and left,

to be able to live with our integrity and good consiences intact and subsequently WE have lost our entire families when doing NOTHING SCRIPTURALLY WRONG;

I am uncomfortable with your frame of mind that allows you to want to ingratiate yourself with your family once again when YOU CHOSE to dump on them in the first place just to satisfy your "personal needs".

Now that THIS hasn''t "worked out for ya" it is time to play MORE games with their feelings....and at the risk of sounding critical....I think the whole idea stinks.

But that's just ME.

OnTheWayOut

No judgement here, but personally, I think it would be easier to lose the family than to go back.
They might shun you as a fader, anyway. They might decide you were not sincere.

The wife, well, she's a JW. I would find it difficult to embrace that relationship from a DF'ed hooking
up with the JW I cheated on. If she wants you, that's great, but what are you sacrificing to get her?

I would rather find any job that pays the rent for the studio apartment (or stay at the Y) and just
start from scratch with friends and love interests. You can make a family out of the friends and the
in-laws after you find a new mate. This is just me talking. I fully understand what you are doing.
I just say "I couldn't do it."

steve2

JapanBoy, as stated earlier, I acknowledge the difficulty of your situation. I an concerned, however, that your solution to 'fake it then fade' is based on life-numbing desperation rather than a wider consideration of such adult issues as personal responsbility and values.

JWs depend on your desperation. The whole shun 'em enough to bring 'em back mentality thrives on people such as yourself buying into the witnesses brand of emotional blackmail.

Regardless of what you have left behind and now lost, you risk losing even more by putting yourself back at their mercy.

However, ultimately you are perfectly free to listen to the advice others, including me, have given - or not.

hirotaka

Just a little update. Five years later.....

I am the former member know in this thread as Japan Boy....never could get that account working again after changing computers etc.

I never did Fake It and go back and never got together with my ex.

Happily.....I did get a relationship back with my kids and y parents who are all still in the JW mess. They don't classify me a "mentally deseased" haha.

The biggest thing I did for myself was to join AA and get clean and sober. I won't thump the big book of AA too much here as it's sound a little too much like 'goin' to meetings, faith in God etc....'

But it has been a life changer for me and has helped me get my life back. This Month marks exactly 1.5 years without booze or drug. In the meantime I met a beautiful woman, also in AA who I fell totally in love with last Novemeber. We travelled a lot and a month ago I asked her to marry me...and she said yes.

I realized that even though I spent all my life as a born-in JW...I was completely and totally devoid of spirituality. My answer to all my problems, successes, good, bad or indiferrent was to drink. And I did that progressively over the years.

Now I have a life, have regained some financial security and have a beautiful woman who I love dearly. Thanks for all of the help and support all of you have been over the years that I've visited and lurked on JWN!

Thanks

H