THINKING OF FAKING IT GOING FOR REINSTATEMENT (page 2)

JapanBoy

Mary I re-read Gumby's experiences in detail. Do you know how long it took him to get reinstated? I too was fairly popular in the cong as Gumby-man was.....by his posts.

I really need some thoughtful advice on my life right now. I fear not hearing about my parents until one of them has died or not being invited to give my daughter away at her wedding etc.....it's really quite depressing. I can't believe this stuff anymore it's just a problem that my whole family is tied up in this thing and I have only a few close friends [who I will always keep] outside the borg.

Thanks to all.....the incites of JWD have been a great help to me!

JB

AMNESIAN

Let's review:

You left your wife of 25 years to live with another woman; you divorced said wife for said woman even though you apparently were not committed to said woman;
Your lover has now dumped you, you are unemployed with no prospects, are living hand-to-mouth, are in desperate financial straits, and have caused your ex-wife financial problems;
You enjoy smoking but would be willing to give it up in order to gain reinstatement---not because your wife hates it--- and will resume the habit on the DL once you achieve your goal;
You no longer believe in your wife's faith, but will "fake it" long enough to get reinstated and trick... er, woo her back;
Your ex is presently gainfully employed and able to manage the mortgage payments on her own but will have to "sell the house and make a downwards move into some other living arrangements" if she agrees to reconcile with you;

You conclude:

The JW religion is the cause of your problems. You wish it wasn't "involved in [your] life" because you're sure you would still be married to your ex-wife if it were not the case.

Have I missed anything?

AMNESIAN

changeling

Amnesian: You got it right.

changeling

Quandry

You seem reasonably sure your wife would take you back. You treated her very badly. The least you could do for her is give up the smoking. You seem to have realised the value of family. Would I go back in order to keep mine together? I think maybe I would. I have been married for thirty six years. To have someone to love and love you is a gift not to be taken lightly.

JapanBoy

You seem reasonably sure your wife would take you back. You treated her very badly. The least you could do for her is give up the smoking. You seem to have realised the value of family. Would I go back in order to keep mine together? I think maybe I would. I have been married for thirty six years. To have someone to love and love you is a gift not to be taken lightly. Quandry: I do think she would take me back......there is a lot more to the story than I have posted. I have treated her thoughtlessly and very badly. I should give up the smoking....tough though it is for me. I need my family in the worst way and really have no way of seeing them otherwise. What is your background.....is you wife in or out...I agree to have someone love you is something that is precious. I just really need my family and miss them terribly........I am lost without them. JB

FreedomFrog

Are you sure you're in love with HER and not just the kids/friends/stability? I ask this because you can cause her more hurt if she takes you back and think things are going to get better only to be back in this situation. You really need to make sure it is her that you love and not the stability that you lost.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

~Froggy~

JapanBoy

Thanks Froggy! In answer to your question I think it is a combination of all the things you mentioned, security, love, kids, stability.......when you are married to someone for so long it is hard.

JB

JWdaughter

If you really love your wife-or are willing to do whatever you can to get your family back (even if you don't love her anymore), I would suggest you have a really honest talk with your ex, and tell her what you are thinking of doing to get your family and your life back. Be honest with her about your motivations for re-instatement and ask her if she is willing to live the lie with you if you are willing to put up with your revulsion to the religion. If she cares for you and your kids she may be willing to, provided you can promise to be faithful to her and VERY discreet about your true religious feelings.

Lying to the religion is one thing. Not telling your kids everything-parents do that all the time. Keeping your in-laws out of your personal business-totally ethical. But you can't go back into the marriage with anything less than the truth between you. She may or may not be willing to do this. The staunch JW in her may not be, but the woman who loved you and bore your children and who has to take care of everything $$$ on her own now may like to have her life back. If she isn't, you haven't lost anything. If she does, you have a chance to have a real life with her and to be your kids dad full time again. Even if she doesn't agree to the marriage, if she sees how far you are willing to go for her, she might ask the inlaws to let up on you a bit. Or may encourage the kids to see you more. Worst case she bad mouths you to other JWs. So what? Their respect has got to be of minimal concern, they can't hurt you any more than they have and it will give them a few moments of fun gloating about the ex-JW. Which they do ANYWAY.

If you do anything less, you won't even respect yourself.

I really encourage you to be fair to yourself and your wife before you go any further with this though. Whatever caused you to be unfaithful was a big crack in your marriage. Can that be resolved? It wasn't just about one woman or about the religion.

I wish you well with your life and your family. I hope it all works out for you-however you do it.

FreedomFrog

I sent you a PM...

I really encourage you to be fair to yourself and your wife before you go any further with this though. Whatever caused you to be unfaithful was a big crack in your marriage. Can that be resolved? It wasn't just about one woman or about the religion.

I agree with JWdaughter. Look deep inside as to why you left your wife in the first place.

Take a month or two and really do some soul searching before you make any big decisions.

~Froggy~

THINKING OF FAKING IT GOING FOR REINSTATEMENT

Share this