by Open mind 34 Replies latest members private
Is it a form of "mental cheating"?
Not to me. Searching for truth is not cheating.
How pissed off would you be?
Depends on how much my mind had been taken over.
Would you understand why the Borg culture was at the root of the secrecy?
Absolutely! This is the whole point! When I first started perusing the internet I kept looking over my shoulder and felt Jehovah might well punish me. Just goes to show how we are so like our cousins across the oceans who believe in voodoo!
Ian
don't know why she is being so insecure. I work at a company that is 3/4 female, if I wanted to cheat I wouldn't have any problem. Why would I come to this site to find a girlfriend?
Maybe because this is a part of your life she doesn't understand and she is unnerved at the thought of others (women) connecting with you in a way she can't.
I don't think you should hide anything from your mate. Love is knowing everything about a person -- good and bad -- and caring about them anyway. I respect that many feel like fading and gently working on their spouses while not being honest about how they feel. I understand that point of view but I just happen to take the opposite view. Also, I very much respect people that can do that because I just could not do it.
Being able to have complete honesty about everything to everyone feels wonderful like nothing else.
I have pretty strong feelings about that and I know not everyone agrees with me. You have to realize though that I was married to a man who did not believe it but had me believe he did. When I found out, I didn't want him in my life because I felt like he lied to me. Even though I know he was trying to do me a favor, I felt betrayed. Thanks to him (and some other influences) I am out of the borg but I could never trust him again.
Well, I wish you luck my friend. I know that I couldn't do it myself. Keeping something from my wife would be very difficult. It feels pretty darn liberating to be an open book....free without any secrets.
This is a personal decision. On how you feel yes you may be doing it in secret and in a way cheating.
But the way you justify it thats when it becomes cheating.
IMO no its not cheating you are preparing yourself for your next transition.
If she doesnt like you being on JWD well that is her opionin and that you have the right and freedom to choose what you see on the net.
And im sure there are many things that she does that you don't personally like either so i guess it has to be a two way street.
My hubby doesn't really care(never a JW) but he knows i have become a better person being here.
I guess its a personal descision and if you can put doubts in her mind to help her out to that is a bonus.
But for now you are preparing yourselve for that time,
Helen
I think the idea that you and your wife must share a brain is unrealistic. There is a school of thought that says that a married couple is "one flesh" and should have no secrets between them, should be completely open to each other.
This is, in my opinion, a great huge load of bollocks. What your wife does not know cannot hurt her. Are you going to unload something hurtful on her just to satisfy your desire for openness? Isn't that a little selfish? We're not talking about you banging some other woman, we're talking about researching about your religion and communicating with others. Are the demands the Society places on you limiting those activities fair or reasonable? No? Then don't feel guilty about doing them, and don't feel guilty about refraining from causing your wife pain and anxiety.
Thanks for all the various perspectives.
Any others would also be appreciated.
Open Mind
I don't think it's cheating. You aren't being disloyal to HER you are being disloyal to the organization. Furthermore I don't think she needs to be aprised of every aspect of your life. If she asked you "are you posting on JWD" and you said no that would be dishonest but from what I understand she simply has no idea and it isn't affecting her.
No it definitely isn't cheating since the FDS has no right to suppress freedom of speech and thought on any issue even on the issue of their doctrines. If they are afraid to debate them openly that is their own problem these issues will be debated between those that want to do so and if they want they can also join.
So you shouldn't tell her, she will misunderstand everything due to the devious FDS influence.
I have the same thought lurking at the back of my mind. Am I cheating? What would happen if she found out I've been on this site and posting for some time? Bad things would happen I suppose.
This site helps me keep my sanity. It reminds me why I left the dubs and how free I am.
I will probably never tell my wife that I've posted as The Listener. One day I'll "discover" this site and start a new screen name that she knows about and will do everything in the open. Until then this is for my sanity.
