wow - to have lost your entire family before you were 30 years old is such a heavy load. I'm so sorry - I hope you find some loving friends who can take the place of the family you lost - friends can be so wonderful. As for going back to the KH, well, I wouldn't, but to paraphrase an old song, "it ain't nobody's business but your own."
Update: So I've been going to some meetings (and other things)
by WingCommander 56 Replies latest jw experiences
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DoubleVision
Hi Wingcommander
So sorry to her of your lose. I wish you the best. As I read all the post's here, it sounds
like you have alot of people who care about you here and have some very sound advice.
Maybe joining the Boy scouts would be a good idea you’ll probably meet some good friends
there.
DV -
sunshineToo
Hi, Wing Commander, I'm so sorry about your mom. I can only imagine what you are going through now. You do what you think it is the best. Based on your post, I assume you are just an inactive member? Otherwise they (jws) wouldn't even talk to you. I've had some bitterness toward the jws and the watchtower society. I'm trying to make peace and move on. But sometimes it is not easy. I'm still thinking about what I will do. I've thought of attending other churches, but so far none of them has struck me as a true worship place. I'm having some issues with God. I don't think He is really nice. I'll probably go with an organization/ faith that can teach me that God the Almighty is really a loving God. Good luck to you and Happy Living! Cheers! sunshineToo
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Mysterious
I don't completely understand your decision but it's yours to make. Just keep thinking critically and don't brush away things that are bothering you. I wish the best to your kids, may they not have the screwed up dub childhood I did.
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truthsearcher
Dear Wing:
I'm really sorry to hear about the pain that you are suffering right now,and I am glad to hear that you have taken comfort from prayer and trusting God. I have always found that to be very calming and encouraging when I have been feeling alone or down-hearted.
So many have offered comments about the WT's ability to provide you with a place of true worship. I have to join them in questioning this too. Someone commented:
But it's just that I know what this org. truly is, and I don't believe that a false prophet and a false religion has anything good to offer you in a path to spirituality/God.
This really states it so clearly! The heart of the matter is that the JWs are a false religion...and if you read your Bible, you will see clearly what God thinks about those types of teachers.
Another comment was:
I believe that you can have a relationship with God if you want without ever going to a meeting of a religion responsible for needless deaths, ruined families, and child abuse cover ups.
This may sound harsh, but it is true. Again, read your Bible in context and see God's plan for us to have a direct relationship with Him through Jesus. We are to be followers of Jesus, witness of Jesus, and these are things that you can't be as a JW.
One JW told me: "This is not a religion, it is a lifestyle." I truly think that in time you will realize that you can't be part of this lifestyle anymore. I want to encourage you to continue praying and reading the Scriptures. God loves you and wants to be His child. If you are willing to come to Him in faith, He will help you to get out of the cult and find a place where you can worship Him in "truth", not lies, and be loved, comforted and supported through life's journey as you raise your children.
I wish you much peace in your heart and comfort during this time of grief.
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Mariusuk.
Wing Commander
I am rather new to this board and as such do not really know you or your history. At the end of day you have to choose your own path in life to get to where you want or need to be.
I would say though as others had to approach this with a very open mind, remember this organisation is not set up to frazzle your mind in short bursts, it is a protracted process which over a long time numbs your ability to think logically and question
Personally I would advise maybe seeking counselling with a professional and joining some therapy groups where at least the people offering the support are doing it genuinely with absolutely no ulterior motives
Good luck
M
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myah
Well, I support your decision. I am not a practicing JW nor am I by any means apostate. My whole family on my mothers side is JW and cannot complain about my upbringing. I grew up with a "raised catholic, no non-demoninational christian" father and because I enjoyed going to the meetings and had fun as a child with my family that were JW he would celebrate the holidays and oust us children from the traditional "gift giving" joy of the holidays because we never really opposed our mother and possibly preffered her if that makes any sense.
When I turned 20 I stopped attending meetings, slowly stopped hanging out with some real nice friends and moved on to more "wordly pursuits". Like work and dating, tried the happy hour and club scene... not my cup of tea. I do think that I suffer more than the average person not raised so sheltered because I had no idea how bad my life would get, I mean I was still a virgin, the f word was not in my vocabulary, most of the married couples I knew were married for like 100 years and seemed happy and in love, my concept of the "world" was distorted, calling me very innocent or naive may be the more appropriate...
Needless to say I had a baby girl, not married, at the age of 21... her father is a deadbeat, he has nothing to do with his daughter... she is 7 and he and I have not spoken for 6 years. Back then he would be like can I come over and see my daughter and then just try to get laid, I put a stop to that because I started to feel just plain used. I mean who comes over to see a baby at midnight? duh!!! Next I dated a guy, who I really liked, he was Mormon, which was kinda uncomfortable for me. He wanted to marry me in a white dress in the Mormon Temple, you have to be Mormon and a virgin, you know... well, before that happened, I got knocked up... he asked me to have an abortion. I was against that, luckily for him I had a miscarriage and he was off the hook. We never spoke not even a grace period after the miscarriage.
Next, I guess I was kind of angry because I thought that men were all evil at this point, determined not to become a lesbian I ended up sleeping w/ 3 more people in the next year. Not considered a slut or whore by any worldy standard... but that was a lot for me... I thought I would marry my first and be with him for life... I would have been content to do that, but obviously that is not the mentality out here and I had a hard time coping.
Finally I settled down with a man, he claims Christianity as well as his whole family... none of really practice except for his brother, he is actually a very decent guy and I like him and his wife and kids very much. So anyways, I'm married now, I have always had a realistic view of marriage. I know that 2 people can make it work when they try hard and make many sacrafices... even the tough times arent so bad if you have the support of someone who really cares about you. Right? I guess thats in all instances. I have been the bread winner, the lead in my family financially, not out of force though. My husband is very abusive, mentally, physically (on occasion), and financially. He questioned the paternity of our children because he and his ex cheated on eachother so much there was not a fiber of ability to trust in him. I never knew anybody who did drugs in my life growing up, so when he was acting crazy, I thought he needed to go to the looney bin, come to find out he was doing meth, cocaine, drinking, and smoking weed like a little fiend. I could literally write a book about the extreme abuse (by anybodys standards) I went through with this Christian man. I left him about 2 years ago, 7 months pregnant without a friend in the world(he made sure he got rid of those), in the deepest despair I ever thought possible. We were fighting one day, I said "I'm leaving" only half believing it myself... I left with my 2 kids and one in the oven and never went back. I stopped at a pay phone and called my mom who was rescently remarried to really nice JW, as you know she is JW... she said come stay with her. It took me 4 days to drive from AZ- FL and I was scared... scared of lots, I was embarassed by the fact that here I was coming back to mom and her husband for help as a grown women with kids. Embarassed by the things that I had done, I just figured my mom would know that I was a slut and stupid for not marrying a better man, duh, look at the examples I had to look up to growing up. Surprisingly it was not like that... I literally had a small WALMART bag with clothes for me and my 2 kids, except for a debit card DL and that I had nothing else. Within the first week of being in FL, I had my first very large bag of clothing for my kids (nice stuff too) donated by one of the sisters in the congregation that had similar age and sized kids as I did. There were many additional helps after that. My mothers friends came by just to say hi and meet me. I went to meetings while staying in their home out of respect for them and I also liked the love and kindness that came with it all. If I needed to go to the doctors office or the store, ect, someone would help me. My mom and her hubby bought a new house so me and my kids could live in one (fully furnished) and they could live in the other, my step dad bought another car so I could use theirs once I found a job and my mom watched my kids for free. Even though I was once baptized at the age of 16, I was not pressured to do anything out of my comfort zone and eventually stopped going to the meetings, I got pre occupied with making money and got back together with my hubby who is very unnecessarily abusive about the beliefs of JW's which he really does not know. I now keep in touch with my mom much better than I when I first stopped going... I greet the JW's when they come to my home and treat them kindly inviting them in and even taking the magazines with articles that interest me. I do not believe that they are a "cult" religion or unchristian, but I do believe that there are fanatical members as there are in any church you go to.
My husband celebrates holidays and B-days and so on, even though I am not impressed by them and do not care to celebrate as there are not a part of my tradition and honestly, I have had a lot of really "ugly" things happen to me on the holidays when my hubby takes to drinking as much tequila as he can consume as part of every family get together, I do. I guess my point is, I miss a lot of the good things about being part of the religion and have not taken up any other kind of religion at this point because, I am not a hypocrite and am not ready to truly live by "Christian standards". In living my life I try my hardest to stay basically moral. I do sometimes get offended when JW's are spoken of abusively because my family is and always will be and I love them and respect their decisions and beliefs. I would still feel the same if I they chose not to speak to me for the rest of my life at this point, because I'm at peace and realize I control my own actions, I am a grown up for goodness sakes.
I feel badly for anyone who has had bad experiences with JW's parents, but there are a lot of people of other religions that had very messed up childhoods and it continues to make them a little salty about specific religions as an adult too. I remember growing up and people I went to school with acting like I was abused because I did not get Christmas presents or tell me that I was not allowed to eat cotton candy or go to fairs 'cause it was against my religion. How ridiculous is that. I have a grandma who told all my aunts and uncles, you are going to be destroyed at Armageddon... and all of that. Even if you believe that that is true, it is counterproductive... right? My mom never did that to me and she has remained faithful to her beliefs and truly loves her life, she was the one who started it all at the age of 15 was persecuted by own family who eventually "converted". (I dont like to use that word).
I hope you do well and dont think it is dangerous or harmful for children, my daughter is spending this whole summer with her grammies and I'm sure shell be doing it all.
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smellsgood
Hello myah,
You have certainly had an interesting life, and I'm sorry that you have suffered abuse from your husband, I say kick him to the curb.
But I must say this::
"I hope you do well and dont think it is dangerous or harmful for children, my daughter is spending this whole summer with her grammies and I'm sure shell be doing it all."
I don't believe to be true. I know it's hard for anyone to accept their loved ones being involved with a cult, but let's call a spade a spade, a rash a rash and a terrorist a terrorist.
Your children will end up being indoctrinated and mind controlled by the lies and venom of the Witchliar Society. Children are especially vulnerable, and eager to please the grownups. -
rebel8
Mad at you? No. Scared for you? VERY. I have a pit in my stomach.
I do understand the gamut of unexpected emotions that one goes through when there's a death--even more so for you, I imagine, since you've lost so many. This makes you vulnerable though.
I do understand the need to make peace with the past. I am afraid for you because of the way you're going about it, but of course it is not my place to tell you what to do. You only get 1 life so you need to do what's best for you.
Maybe this making peace thing is a time-limited activity you must go through in order to complete a task in your grieving process. Look back on your old posts to remember how you really felt, sans influence of deep grief and appearances of loving behavior that IRL are tempered by pettiness, superiority, and the belief that non-members are all demonized prostitutes.
So sorry for all your losses. ((( ))) -
aquagirl
ive been going too,for a similar reason..being a jw means never being able to ever vote again,hating homosexuals as deviants and considering all 'worldly therapy' evil.lets see,no more birthdays,no unusual sexual positions,no christmas,as a matter of fact,one is taught to make sport of those who do,.forget all of your friends,no matter how long youve known them,no computers..its a lot to give up..not sure i can do it,even for a few years,..it gives me a punch in the stomach type of feeling everytime i think about it..