I was reading the threads http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/129051/1.ashx (Remember the song make the truth your own?) and http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/136242/1.ashx (The messages are always there), and was reminded that I had been intending to post something along these lines before and never got around to it. NOTE: I was raised in the WCG (Armstrong), not a JW, but I've found they're similar in many ways, and I believe this to be another one:
I can still recall as a kid, having to sing at church services and other meetings, and hating it. For one thing, my natural talent (or more properly, the lack thereof) is not good in this department. I hated the sound of my own voice when singing, could tell I wasn't on key or whatever, but couldn't do a damn thing about it. For another thing, the more I started to question the beliefs I was raised with, the less I could stomach actually singing those damn syrupy lyrics, it was like lying. I even recall one sermon where the elder or deacon berated everbody for not singing loud enough, and cited some passage from the bible or the literature where we were supposed to "make a joyful noise". Guilt and paranoia made me think he was talking directly to/about me.
It was around that time that I started just not singing, or sometimes mouthing the words to fake it, if I felt like I was being watched by someone, or even substituting my own words-usually naughty things that would have gotten me beaten soundly had anyone actually heard them. After reading the threads that I linked to above, I realized I was not alone in this! Quite a revelation to me. Now I'm wondering, is it just me...or do any of you also have an aversion to singing ANYTHING now? There are few circumstances where it comes into play, but I dislike singing for any reason at all, now. Years ago I had a girlfriend who loved karaoke, and I had to be VERY drunk before she could talk me into it, but occasionally I'd let her so as not to hurt her feelings...hating it all the while.
After reading those threads, I searched the net and found a link to the songs we used to have to sing. It was amazing to me how the words popped into my head as soon as I heard the piano music, I felt like one of Pavlov's dogs. Not just the words either, many other memories. Ugh. I also found some links to cult exit material, which explained how Armstrong changed the words of traditional Christian hymns to suit WCG doctrine, and erase any reference that could be cited to validate the trinity, or mention things like 'holy ghost'. That was something I wasn't even aware of before, but should have come as no surprise.
Worldwide Church of God's "Bible Hymnal"