what about if you just never wash those dirty clothes? eventually she would run out of clean clothes and have to do something herself (washing, drying ect)
Maybe that could work, although it sort of sounds a bit extreme
Lazy teenager....need help before I lose it!!!
by snarf 47 Replies latest jw friends
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Double Edge
While it is extra work for you, I'd suggest the first thing you do when you get home, is check her room. If it isn't tidied, then call her up to do very specific things.
"Put the clothes in the hamper"
"Pick up all the pop cans"
"Make the bed"Very good idea. Additionally, you might put "the list" on a piece of paper.....just like in the business world, a task list to be checked off. There's something about crossing out an item or checking it off that gives anyone a sense of accomplishment. The "list" could also be used as a "reward" generator (for the short term). my 2 cents.
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Satanus
How does she feel about how much time you guys spend w her? Do you do things w her that she likes doing? Does she have any goals?
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bigdreaux
enough with the doctor phil crapt, spank her. lol sorry, i'm coming off a litle violent, huh. lol
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theinfamousone
teenagers were meant to be lazy... and rude... i mean teenager is synonimous with lazy!!!!
i hat eto tell you this, but you have to talk to her, like she is on your level, not like she is your child... tell her, dont resort to tricks and foolery, imagine how resentful you would feel if your boss asked you to do something at work, you had something else to do, and then you forget... then your boss just takes something of yours until you do it... i dont think that would make you feel like working more, it would upset you to the point of not doing it out of resentment....
she is growing up and tring to be independant... punishments will probably not work, like i said before, find out her reasoning behind it, talk to her like she is one of the adults and that is what she will appreciate... talk to her
the infamous one
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mtsgrad
Snarf,
First I would like to congratulate you on your posting.
My mother was a sadist (and a Regular Pioneer). She hated me from the moment I grew up and I knew it. For over 30 years nothing I have done for her has been good enough.
I dont have kids so feel a little guilty offering advice. But here goes. Try and spend more time with her. Even if it means slightly less fancy stuff (I am assuming you do not live in poverty). What does she want to do. Give her some control in her life. Let her choose the next family holiday. Let her hire a movie or decided what to do when the family socialise together.
With you working 5 whole days and your other half working 7 she may feel she needs more of you.I do hope I have not been too judgemental. Send me a private message if you want to shout at me!
Love you lots,
mtsgrad
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eclipse
enough with the doctor phil crapt, spank her. lol sorry, i'm coming off a litle violent, huh. lol
Spanking doesn't do anything but promote violent behavior, it makes your child, that you are supposed to protect and cherish and love feel violated, anger and hurt.
It accomplishes nothing. Teaches nothing.
It's never loving....it's fast and ONLY serves to make YOU feel release by taking out your anger on someone smaller and weaker than yourself.
Spanking is cowardly and abusive no matter how you look at it.
bigdreaux, I hope you were joking. and yes, you are coming across as violent.
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KW13
There are ways to deal with these things and there are ways not to.
My stepdad had a bad habit of 'taking advantage of my catalysts' such as taking 20 pence (1/5 of a £) if i did anything wrong (while i was really busy saving for something i wanted, i didn't celebrate b'days or anything remember). This was extremely irritating and was unfair, it made me more annoyed and i got to the point i just didn't care what he thought.
The other extreme is 'its fine, they all do it' because that means that nothing gets taught or passed on at all!
Somewhere in the middle i bet there is some sensible solution, each person (teenager in this case) is different and will respond better to different things. At the end of the day, your daughter loves you and you love her so the last thing you want to bring into this situation (as frustrating as it is) is that you love her any less, or you hate her - whether your angry or not. Actions and Words can be taken back to a degree but never forgotten or forgiven.
My room was always a mess and now i turned the complete opposite where i like to straighten everything after a day or two. Try not doing extra things you do around the house for your daughter until she takes on the responsibility for the room (within reason).
Good Luck!
Very good idea. Additionally, you might put "the list" on a piece of paper.....just like in the business world, a task list to be checked off. There's something about crossing out an item or checking it off that gives anyone a sense of accomplishment. The "list" could also be used as a "reward" generator (for the short term). my 2 cents.
Maybe its just me, i hate to sound rude but i would find 'rewards' extremely patronizing.
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KW13
There are ways to deal with these things and there are ways not to.
My stepdad had a bad habit of 'taking advantage of my catalysts' such as taking 20 pence (1/5 of a £) if i did anything wrong (while i was really busy saving for something i wanted, i didn't celebrate b'days or anything remember). This was extremely irritating and was unfair, it made me more annoyed and i got to the point i just didn't care what he thought.
The other extreme is 'its fine, they all do it' because that means that nothing gets taught or passed on at all!
Somewhere in the middle i bet there is some sensible solution, each person (teenager in this case) is different and will respond better to different things. At the end of the day, your daughter loves you and you love her so the last thing you want to bring into this situation (as frustrating as it is) is that you love her any less, or you hate her - whether your angry or not. Actions and Words can be taken back to a degree but never forgotten or forgiven.
My room was always a mess and now i turned the complete opposite where i like to straighten everything after a day or two. Try not doing extra things you do around the house for your daughter until she takes on the responsibility for the room (within reason).
Good Luck!
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logic
My daughter was the same way. She was basically a slob when it came to our house. She was pretty good up untill about 13. She drove my wife nuts about it. She could take the longest showers I have ever seen anybody take, kept thinking she would turn into a prune. She was runing our bathroom with all the water, so I told my wife that we would just live with it untill she moved out, which was seven years later. I decided that when she was gone I would remodel which I Did. Kept on good terms with her all that time because I have seen too many problems arguing with your kids. Anyway she got married to a nice guy with a good job. She is now 37 years old, and the real kicker is she keeps an obsesivly clean home, is a very hard worker and we get along great. Go figure huh? I think it is a hormonal thing, but what do I know.