WANNAEXIT----------THAT IS THE FUNNIEST STORY TONIGHT!! A mouse in the hall climbing the mike chord to a frightened sister!!! And the Three Stooges act of the elders trying to catch it must have had the congregation peeing their pants! I think that sight would have cured me of witness depression! (for awhile)
ANYTHING EXCITING EVER HAPPEN AT YOUR KINGDOM HALL?
by anewme 99 Replies latest jw friends
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hambeak
A couple of noneventful notes a guy who thought every question from the podium was directed at him and he would yell out and disrupt the meeting.
An elderly sister lost bladder and bowel control once while giving her talk and she left crying never saw her again guess she became an apostate
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anewme
You know Hambeak, that would do it for me too,(losing my bowels and bladder at a kingdom hall)
I would never be able to go back and live that down.
Well, all in all I see a pattern in all the stories.........and that is.........
even though there is the occasional crises at the Kingdom Hall, for the most part the brothers' calm and the congregation's quiet cooperation seem to minimize the hysteria.
Anewme -
uuus2b1
At a bookstudy in the early 80s...an elderly brother was doing the reading (we were using the green bible at the time) ...all of a sudden a cockroach came out of nowhere and flew right into his face and onto the book...SHIT!!! he shouted as he tried to slap it off his face... he stood up and threw his book down! (even his glasses flew off his face) Everyone, and I mean everyone was rolling on the floor laughing, my stomach was hurting with laughter. Some brothers had to go outside to contain their laughing. After what seemed an eternity the book study was restarted , the original reader of course was relieved of his duties but no one could continue reading ..anyone who tried to start would burst out in laughter after reading the first sentence. The bookstudy was cut short, because it had gone way over the alloted time.
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Frank75
Lots of stories.
On the darker side, we had two suicides in our last hall (sure there were others along the way but mostly unaware) First my wife's brother in law (I guess he was mine too) was a real hardworking slob, had two jobs and a third when he could manage to feed and cloth his 5 children and one overweight domineering wife. Naturally the whole meeting and service thing went by the side. He shared a house with my wife's brother who never worked, basically lived off insurance scams and unemployment insurance. It was a racially mixed marriage and the father in law was never really accepting of him and he knew it. Well the FIL and MIL came over one evening to share their "grave concern" over the missed meetings, family and personal study and of course Field Service! The next night he drove to a lonely concession road, attached a hose to the tailpipe and ran it into the car through the window. He was found 3 days later.
Second suicide is of a woman who was molested as a child (very attractive woman even in her 40's/50's). Because of the issues she lapsed occasionally into heavy drinking and smoking. They Df'd here and she got some treatment for the booze and cigarettes. In the ensuing 4 years neither she or anyone in her believing in good standing family received a visit from the elders or where really included in anything socially. Although my wife and I kept in touch with the husband and son and always made it a habit to talk with them when they came to meetings we were probably no better in keeping up socially with them than anyone else. When his wife came back from rehab, she asked him to ask me what she needed to "come back to the trufe". I told them I would pass the request onto the PO and then I made him promise to see her ASAP due to his being new and the "oversite" of not having been visited in the past.
4 months later there was a shocker thru the congo. She swallowed a riffle one afternoon. I went to visit the distraught husband. He had already been visited by the PO. He was told they were sorry for his loss but since she was df'd there could be no congregation involvement in the funeral. since he had no dub relatives he would need to hire a non denominational clergyman to do the funeral. Imagine that was their suggestion. Anyway I found out later that week that no attempt was ever made before the suicide to visit this woman. Typical wouldn't you say?
By the way I was removed as a MS for simply attending the funeral.
On the lighter side we had an overweight, heavy drinking elder collapse and fall off the platform during a talk. 911 called and ambulance etc.
A friend of my wife in a nearby congregation lost her dress when she got up from the table after giving a number 3 talk in the main hall. Yup right down to her undies!
When I was a kid I remember this troublesome older boy who is now an elder somewhere in the San Francisco area. His name is Warren Bell, and was a real spoiled brat! He would turn off the mic's when certain bro's were commenting from the main sound control. Or he would turn off the portable wireless mic's when handing the it to certain bros to watch them squirm while giving a comment. We had a piano and "brother" who played most songs. He was kind of effeminate and most whispered that he was a fag etc. However occasionally he actually closed the meeting or had the announcements so we had to use the recorded music. Warren used to always play the wrong song just to F' this guy up royally. He was also notorious for going through people coat pockets for money and crushing hats during the meeting.
We had a guy take the wireless microphone into the washroom once. We didn't hear him peeing but we did hear him whistling. What a laugh!
There was a sister in my friends hall who would bring water bottles to the meeting because she was convinced Satan had poisoned her home water supply. She had about 100 cats as well. So I always get a laugh when the Simpson's have the cat lady on the show.
We had this Jamaican elder who was never qualified in the JW sense, but was a good yes man and patsy for the elder body. If you will, their "token" black. He would never be prepared to give his talks. He would get up and just wing it every single time. Many times he looked very surprised when he was announced as the next speaker. This guy was priceless. I am sure everyone has had this type of loser in their hall. One time when we had the assembly hilites he rambled on for 18 minutes, leaving me with two minutes to review Saturdays parts. It was embarrassing for him to say the least. I was up for exactly 2 minutes and was a gracious as possible and then introduced the next speaker. However many wondered after the meeting what assembly he had been at since nothing he reviewed could we recall from our attendance at the assembly. Hilarious!
In the DR we had a loony sister named Dulce. She was precious to say the least. One time she showed up to give a student talk and she had dyed her hair at the salon that day. It was burgundy red in color, but what was funny was the dye was still all around her forehead, cheeks and neck. She looked like something from the Rocky Horror picture show!
There was another sister who had a moustache. I tell you it was hard as hell to keep a straight face while talking to her or calling on her to comment at the WT study.
Many of the sisters would blow their nose in their dresses. It was disgusting!
I used to be friends with this guy who's father retired and somehow got into the circuit work. The father name is (Dave Gannon) was a tyrant and people were scared shit-less of this guy. However he was different with me because I was friends with his son. I always though he was a jerk for the absolutely stupid things he said to the congregation when he visited. Well one time he went on and on about how the young people have to make the truth their own, blah blah blah. He loved to parade his children in front of the congregation so he related that one night after "lights out" he noticed some light in his sons room, so he went in and demanded an answer, "what are you doing it is past lights out?". He was reading something under the covers by flashlight. Well the son said he was reading the prophecy of Daniel because he wanted to make sure he understood it! So this pompous ass CO rags to the congregation how proud he was of his son and all dubs kids should do as his son did. The truth you ask? Well being friends with the son, the real story was that he was actually wanking off to a Penthouse magazine he got earlier that day!
This same CO went on and on at meetings and assemblies how great his kids were. His daughter married and moved to Bolivia to pioneer. We never heard the end of it in the 3 years he tyrannized our circuit. All the while he would belittle anyone who used the Internet. He would make these comments about the devil Internet and people leaving their "mates" for strangers they met on the Internet. Guess what! The daughter in Bolivia got disillusioned with the JW religion and ran off with someone....you guessed it....who she met on the Internet.
Back to the dark side. During one CO visit in the DR, we went to see a young woman who was a parrapalegic. Tragic story of how this girl was hurt in an accident. She was the only one a JW in her family and could not make it to the meetings without a great deal of hardship. Most nights she was too ill to come even when a ride was available. What was the CO going to do to help out this poor soul? Well he was very conciliatory during the visit, and he even came across as compassionate! As we left he turned to me and said I should destroy her publisher record card and she was no longer a sister. (And no I did not do as he said) I swear these guys get their play book straight from the Nazi's and the Gestapo!
I could think up tons more.
Frank75
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anewme
Thankyou everyone for all the stories. Its amazing how the memories come flooding back to the mind.
So many years of serving side by side with people we are not really close to. It was very difficult sometimes wasnt it?
I'd like to point out that it is wise not to name names in our posts about former incidents and people.
It could be taken as slander. If you have time, you might go back and edit any names you have used that make the person appear in a bad light. Telling a story is one thing, hurting a person's name is another.
Just a suggestion.
The post about the sisters blowing their noses into their dresses! Yikes!!! Wow!!! Very hillbillyesque!! -
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confusa
Where to start,
At my old hall, there was a very gossipy sister with a tongue that lashed venom merciless at whomever she was gossiping about. One day, she decided to gossip about a sister who had a chemical imbalance in her brain, and due this problem, she relies on medications daily...well, the bad talk got to her ears and she decides to confront the Gossipy sister inside her own bldg at the lobby one day. When Gossipy (reg pioneer), walks into her bldg from preaching, she gets a beat down by the ill sister all the way to her apt. The next day Gossipy is showing off her black & blues to the whole congo. According to her, the elders advised her to say what really happened to everyone that asked, so people would not get the bad impression that it was her husband who beat her. Her husband is also a JW and has a chemical imbalance in his brain as well and takes medication..........After a few weeks, there is an announcement that the ill sister has been removed from being a regular pioneer....Very sad day....I disliked Gossipy so much!
At the Spanish conventions that I went to, a lot of the young girls will dress very hoochy and parade their goodies to the brothers. My family and I liked to sit all the way at the top and we saw everything, we actually had binoculars to see all the action. One of the hoochs was seating nearby and she kept getting up and going to the bathroom back and forth, back and forth, in one of those trips she fell down the steep stairs, ripped her tight dress and flashed her undies and a little of her goodies to the brothers.....The best, it was priceless! We never saw her in our section or parading for the rest of the convention..hehe.
One of the brothers passing the microphone had to go and use the bathroom during the reading of a WT paragraph and forgot to turn off the sound. You can imagine the beautiful, serene water fall and the sounds of the pebbles falling into the water we heard that day, topped with a sigh of relief....Oh it sounded like sweet paradise!
There was a very sick, disturbed...actually, full-blown crazy smelly brother that hopped congregations. We had the privilage of our congo being one of them. Instead of taking out the Bible like everyone else, he used he will use his newspaper as a bible. At times, he would come in a wheel chair, and there was always some new bethelite or brother that did not know about him, that will break their backs trying to lift him up the stairs only to find when they reached the top that the brother was not invalid and could walk perfectly fine....Oh gosh the memories...I'm not exagerating one bit...I'm actually leaving out alot of details, its too much to mention, maybe some other time.
Really enjoyed this thread, one of the best I've read so far. -
The Humper
well when i was a jw i was living in las vegas and we had some seldom worked territory in a town called alamo, and a few other small towns out that way. they were mostly mormon. these town are relatively close to area 51.
anyway there was this one really old brother from new orleans and he was definatly cajun because everyone at the hall had a very hard time understanding anything he would say. plus he was a bit loopy at times, and was i swear on the brink of haveing alsheimers disease. me and my friend wade were assigned to go in his car out to the town, and we get out there and we do a few doors and then we go to lunch. well were eating and hes hands us like $5 in quarters to play on the pool table in the little diner. we get playing and he comes up and says ill be right back.
we looked at each other funny, then we notic hes got a camera in his hands. we ask him where hes going to go, he says "to go find some aliens." we tried not to laugh but we did once he was gone. we didnt care becase we were to busy playing pool.
we got back to the group about 2hrs later then we were supposed to and my friends dad was like "what happened?" we said "brother (dont remeber his name) went to go look for aliens and left us at the diner!"
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Numinous
Hey Humper, Sounds like SOMEBODY got abducted!