Freedom (page 2)

Paralipomenon

Welcome Sweatpea,

I'm working through the issue with my wife, would you care to elaborate on what led you to start researching for your own?

Thanks for all the support and encouragement from everyone. Paralipomenon you said - "I'm working through the issue with my wife, would you care to elaborate on what led you to start researching for your own?" I have had a few doubts all my life but just ignored them (disfellowshipping and birthdays particularly, constant changes in doctrine and the fact that you can't go anywhere near 'outside research' which always seemed a bit strange), I sincerely believe in God and Jesus, that the bible is God's word to us all and that we should live a moral/good life - I dealt with the doubts by reasoning that Jehovah's Organisation was 'imperfect'. But what triggered stepping into the unknown was a comment Hubby (Besty) made about the Organisation teaching that Jesus is not our Mediator but Mediator only to the 144,000 (a seemingly innoccuous and uncontroversial subject that I had no idea about) - I checked out the details on jwfacts.com and felt that if this was so obviously a ridiculous, almost blasphemous belief, what else was? I then read all about the other issues and it all made so much sense (I was particularly taken with the writing style of the author (no axe to grind, no bitterness, just plain facts) and that he was an ex-Bethelite). Two sleepless nights later and the books are in the recycling and I'm not going back (what's the point, it would be hypocritical and it was getting too hard with two young babies anyway). What made a big difference to how I accepted what came from Hubby was that he was prepared to support me in taking the kids to the meeting even though he didn't believe any of it, maybe if he'd been stubborn and left me to struggle alone I may have been more stubborn in staying/not looking into things - I realise now the Organisation had blinded me (mind control!!!) to the fact that my husband is a very intelligent and loyal man and doesn't come to his conclusions lightly. I never dreamed I would be in this position, it feels very strange and the future will be interesting but in my heart I feel I have done the right thing. I wish you all the best in the world in your endeavours with your wife.

ZazuWitts

A warm welcome to both Sweetpea & Helen Rose.

Crumpet

wow two newbies in one thread! jwfacts is an excellent site - you might have read my experience there.

I think you have to decide which means most to you being honest and upfront about what you believe now or your "friends". They will have no choice but to reject you and shun you if you share with them what are considered apostate beliefs. Or they will face the same dilemma as you, assuming they can accept what you show them to be true.

Its so wonderful to have you here. You and helenrose are so welcome here.

sass_my_frass

Wow, congratulations!! What a ride hey?

But I do feel sad, confused and angry at what happens next - how do I reconcile/deal with my closest friends - I want them to understand why I feel this way and what I have found out (great website www.jwfacts.com and this one of course) but I don't want to be branded an 'apostate' (another thing i've always felt uncomfortable with the loaded language) and i certainly don't want them to never speak to me again for the rest of my life (how cruel a belief for a controlling organisation to teach).

I am an advocate of doing things very slowly with JWs for various reasons:

- they're massively sensitive; their aposta-radar is always on at double strength.
- it hurts you to help them.
- there are more important things in life than protecting people who ought to know better anyway

This is only one way to look at it and it's a bit brutal but worth keeping in your head for the worst of times: JWs aren't real friends. They only want people in their lives who affirm their faith and the day you stop helping them believe the nonsense they have fallen for, they reject you because their faith is much more important thing to them than their friendship with you.

Someone gave me the advice that I had to play the game and be very careful (obviously to avoid being DF/DA) but this doesn't sit right with me - I feel a need to be honest. I also don't want my friends to be fooled anymore by the organisation but I don't want to be responsible for them possibly having nervous breakdowns/crisis of faith and all their friends and family never talking to them again - HELP!

Yes; certainly be careful. But also every now and then, ask yourself whether it's worth it. You have yourself, your marriage and your children to protect and they absolutely must be a higher priority than people who were only ever your friends for as long as you made them feel good about their 'faith'.

In less than two years I have gone from agonising over lost friendships of a lifetime, to not missing most of them at all. The memories I have of them; they were all based upon the game I had to play to keep them in my life. It wasn't love, and I reject that kind of conditional friendship now.

In other news, time is your best friend. Just keep letting it wash over you and let the grieving process do it's thing. In the meantime, do something fun with hubby and children every day!

TopHat

Welcome to the board HelenRose and SweetPea......Don't worry about being called an Apostate....You are only an apostate from the Watchtower.org, not from God.

bigmouth

Welcome to Helen Rose, SweetPea and lovebug from waaay downunder!
"a seemingly innoccuous and uncontroversial subject ..." - SweetPea.

I think that somewhere there is a trigger for everyone to make them think about what they believe. It often isn't the UN fiasco or 607bce or the protection of molesters.

It must be something personal and with which a great deal of emotion is involved.

With my wife it was not so much WHAT i said about the various scandals but how she saw it AFFECTED me emotionally. That, perhaps, is the secret.

BR25

Sorry for the nondrug, non sex, non war, non violent world. Now you can really have a good time and not worry about the consequences. Go out and buy a hand gun, martini, get some tats. smoke a few and have a good time.

ex-nj-jw

Sorry for the nondrug, non sex, non war, non violent world. Now you can really have a good time and not worry about the consequences. Go out and buy a hand gun, martini, get some tats. smoke a few and have a good time

WHAT????

Freedom