Should I Stay or should I go?

by Tyrone van leyen 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • timetochange

    If you desire to continue taking your parents money then it seems prudent to do as they ask. But if you now want to stand on your own then do it and accept the consequences.


  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    Yes you speak very clearly Hortensia, and your right it is very sick, and that thinking of theirs has been going on for the last 25 years. They even talk that way with my brother and their grand daughter.

    Your absolutely right it's a game and I don't think they will tire of it any time soon. If I won a lottery, I think I would disappear like Like David Blaine.

  • OnTheWayOut
    I'd say go, but don't dress up much more than business casual, and come in at the last minute and leave as
    soon as his talk is finished. Find something in his talk delivery secular in nature to compliment him about later.

    I totally agree with sixofnine. You can say it or hold it in, but let them know that you came for
    his public talk as requested. They will try this again, but don't give in. They will say there's the
    Special Talk shortly after the Memorial. Both of those, they will try to get you to. Dad will give
    more public talks. Don't give in again until he says it's another brand new talk he's giving for the
    first time- that only happens every once in a while.

    If you ride to the hall with them, and are not free to leave until they leave, then get up and say you will
    be back in one hour after the talk, while they study the WT. That will demonstrate that you did as
    asked, but don't push it. If you are able to leave without returning, leave. If a family member wants to
    leave with you, or stay with you for the hour while you wait, allow them to. Then they miss the WT study.

  • phil78

    We made the decission to attend the Sunday meeting about 10 months ago, as it was my younger brothers first PT as a MS. As the entire family and extended family was going to be there, we thought it would be easier to go and then leave in the middle song before the watchtower started. As it turned out, our son (2yo who had never been to a meeting) wasnt real receptive to the idea of sitting still and quiet for 45 min, and i ended up out in one of the back rooms for the whole talk. Incidently, we shared the room with the PO's son, (17yo?) who was feeling "sick", who spent the entire talk listning to his ipod and doodling in the back cover of his songbook.

    Going to the talk showed the family we were not deviding the family, that we were there for anyone who needed support. Leaving at half time showed we were serious about our decission. However, when we left we sat in the car down at the beach for an hour to recover. My wife cried at the fact we felt we were somehow doing the wrong thing. We decided then that we would never go back to another meeting.

    Your decission is probably made by now, but i think the important thing to considder, is what do YOU want, and how will your decissions make YOU feel. Your parents have had their chance to make their own decissions in life, and they expected everyone else to respect them. And now its your turn. No one has the right to impose their demands on you, and expect you to fold and turn, just because they asked you to. We need to be confident in our own abilities, and have pride in the fact we are living our own lives and making our own way.

    Your parents are helping you out, and thats great. But there has to be a distinction between helping you, and buying you. Giving you money doesnt mean they now have bought the right to allocate how you spend your time. Love, Kindness, Goodness, the fruits they work on displaying, should help them to see that.

    But this is just my opinion.


  • Junction-Guy

    I would say go just for that one time only, and make it clear that you only are going for your dad. Also look at it as a chance to scoop out some new info or something that you can report back to us here on the board.

    I have been totally against the JW Cult for many years now, but even then back in 2001 when I was visiting my dad in Michigan, he asked me to go to the meeting, and I did, even if out of a sense of curiosity. It didnt change me one bit, I was still as anti-jw as ever once the meeting was over, but it was interesting to me to see i there were any changes that I noticed, and no there werent any changes, just the same old crap.

    But yeah since your parents are helping you financially, I would go just once, just to get them off your back.

    Do your parents truly know how you feel about the JW's?

  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    Great feedback here. I love plugging into the collective mind of people that can understand the dilema. It makes me feel more sure of myself. I think I will go with all this in mind.

    Oh ya Junction Guy, they sure no how I feel about it. I've been saying it to them more or less for the last 20 years. It never mattered, and they never change, but I will make myself clear and take some of the suggestions here on how to go about it.

    Thank you for your input on these matters to all. Anyone that wants to put any further considerations I will read. I think I can still maintain my calm and be sure of what I am. This realy helps clear matters in my head.

  • Junction-Guy

    Yeah have a little fun with it, go in with the mindset that you are undercover trying to scoop out some new dirt on the cult, believe me you will pay attention to every comment made. Just adjust your mindset from the angry apostate, to the inquisitive detective, have fun with it.

  • bikerchic

    You could play a little game with them and tell them "No, I've got other plans." Then show up at the last minute, maybe even walk in late so as to catch the attention of especially your Father while he is giving his talk, see if he stammers a bit, then leave as soon as the talk is over.

    Rude request deserve rude replies even in the oh so passive aggressive manner. Maybe it will make them stop and think about inviting you again, maybe? LOL

  • moshe

    I have wondered, if President Eisenhower's JW mother was disappointed in her son, too. He never made it to Bethel, wasn't a pioneer or an elder. He was probably considered a failure by his JW relatives.

  • JamesThomas

    It seems your parents are imprisoned in the cult, and you are imprisoned in fighting the cult. The names changed but the story remains the same.

    My parents have been helping me, and being very nice to me in the last couple of years.

    This is all you need to know. Go and support your father and show him respect and kindness. This is what you want to do; isn't it.

    You're creating a future problem in your mind that doesn't exist. Whatever ramifications come from you going to the meeting. deal with them, if you need to, when they actually arise.

    Stop beating yourself up. Be kind to yourself and your parents. It will all work out.


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