Should I Stay or should I go?

by Tyrone van leyen 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • asleif_dufansdottir

    Do what others have suggested. Dress business casual, show up just for his talk and leave right after, etc. But I'd also suggest making it clear to them beforehand that this is what you're doing and that they are not to construe your attendance as a hopeful sign (they will anyway). That way, after you go and they start pressuring you to come back even more (which they will) or that you will go to any of his future talks, you can just say, "No. I told you before I went that I wasn't coming back. I told you I was only going as a kind guesture. You've been kind to me this past year and I didn't want to hurt your feelings or be rude. I still don't, that's why I don't want to discuss this any further." Then don't.

    My parents were never JWs but they belong to one of those fundamentalist megachurches (their pastor is on TV) and are always trying to get me and my brother to go with them. We won't but then neither of them have parts on the program so there's no "come see *me*" thing going on.

  • Gregor

    Tyrone, I have found many of your topics and posts intelligent and thoughtful. Since you have laid out the above dilemma so frankly, I respect you enough to be able to accept a frank answer.

    Your folks sound like very nice people. You state that they have made your life comfortable with their financial support. If your avatar info is correct you are north of 40 yrs. old. Yes, they drop those irritating remarks about Armageddon etc. but you must remember that they really believe it. They love you and can't help themselves.

    Hell yes, go to your Dad's talk. You can spare them a couple of hours and who knows, it might pacify them for a while and make them happy with very little sacrifice from you.


  • jwfacts

    It does not overly matter either way, so feel good about whatever you do. Maybe tell your father that because you love him you will go just for his talk. A word of warning though, one of the last meetings I went to was to see my father give a talk. It was extremely depressing, as he sprouted ignorant rubbish for the 45 minutes and I felt deeply saddened that this kind and intelligent man had been manipulated to such an extent that he had no thinking abililty of his own left.

    It appears that you are not happy, and this not only affects you, but also enforces your parents belief that they are right. I recommend reading Steven Hassans book Releasing the Bonds. The best way to get a person out of a cult is to be a happy balanced person yourself, and showing the cult members kindness and love.

    I appreciate how you must be feeling, as when I left I had terrible arguments with my family due to the huge resentment and anger that I felt about the Watchtower Society. It was so bad that I decided to get counselling with a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. Now nothing my family say or do affects me. Enough of my life was wasted, I won't let anymore slip by. I make sure I enjoy each day, with or without them.

    Armageddon is not coming, and your parents, like everyone else, will grow old and eventually die. You will get a full lifetime with them. Like a normal son it will be nice for you to be there to look after them. You should let your parents see that you know that the New System is not around the corner and that you plan to help them in their old age as they have helped you. As the years continue to go unfulfilled they may start to become more balanced and accept that they may not be entirely right about things, and that God won't only save JWs.

  • Alwayshere

    I agree with timetochange. Live your own life or live like they want you to.

  • Abandoned

    Tyrone, you have to make your own decision, but here's my (distant) take on the situation.

    You can attend as a kindness or you can refuse on principle. Either one has a list of positives and negatives, so it really depends on where you are in life. Now, I seem to remember a recent post by you whereby you were cursing Judge Rutherford pretty soundly, so I'm guessing you are totally convinced that the jehovah's witnesses are a destructive cult. If this is the case, do you think your parents are benefitted by being a part? If it's bad for them too, are you sending out the right message by taking part?

    Here's my situation: My mom is a Lutheran and would like nothing more than to have me show up at her church and listen to what she feels is life-saving information. I love my mom very much but in the same way I never tried to pressure her to become a jw when I was into that, I won't accept pressure to be a part of her religion. If she thinks it's right and feels she benefits by attending then good for her, but she needs to understand that my beliefs are different. So, she invites me often, and I decline just as often.

    Plus, I think you should look at why your parents want you to go. Are they wanting you to somehow validate something you believe to be wrong? Wouldn't that be a touch hypocritical?

    Well, whatever you decide, good luck.

  • MsMcDucket

    Yes go and check it out. Look at all the single sisters while your dad's giving the talk!

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    I figure you're going to the talk, showing up at the last minute and leaving directly after your Father's talk.

    Just make sure your parents understand that you're going as a kindness and out of respect, but on YOUR terms, (not theirs.)

    Good luck!


  • aquagirl

    tyrone,get up a few times,go into the bathroom..cough alot then this several times..stagger outta bed and say that you are dying of thurst and are feeling very dehydrated..dihareaah or however you spellit.its always been an easy way old teenage jw secret for years.for girls it was menstral cramps..good luck,my friend,hope you get to sleep in an not have to go and spend t hours listening to bungholes talking about bungholey things....ill burn one for ya....

  • penny2

    My parents have done this to me and I always refuse to go (but I'm polite about it). The last time was to a funeral and I refused to go but it was very upsetting. My parents were distressed for weeks. The person who had died wasn't close to me - we hadn't spoken for over 30 years.

    I would lose respect for myself if I gave in to their wishes.

Share this