Should I Stay or should I go?

by Tyrone van leyen 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    Hello all! I have been pondering a dilema. It is one which has repeated itself many times over the years.

    My parents have been helping me, and being very nice to me in the last couple of years. When receiving help it is very difficult for me to refuse a request of someone. They could ask anything of me and I wouldn't have a problem with it. What they are asking is that I attend the meeting tommorow to see my fathers public talk. I have never been to see one of his hour talks and he says he could really use my support.

    You must understand, the only thing in the world that matters to them and nothing else is being a Jehovah's Witness. I truly mean that. NOTHING! It is a source of great despair and always has been. My whole existence has been to deal with this outlandish thinking! They even mention to me that they feel so saad that our time together is limited because harmaggedon is coming and I won't be there in the new system. I have had these bullshit conversations with them 100 million times, and it never changes. They will use guilt, fear or whatever tool they feel will do the trick.

    Understand too, they are helping me financialy etc. I have lived a rough life the last 20 years and I'm tired of it. I'm comfortable now.

    If I allow this to happen tommorow, it will open a door to setting a dangerous precedent to being bugged eternally about going to meetings. I love my parents but my resentment of witnesses runs deep, as they have coloured every aspect of my existence and robbed our family of so much joy and still are.

    The problem is my parents refuse to see me in any other way than being a witness, despite the fact that they know very well how i feel about them. I have no words left for them. I think tey're hoping I will just give in one day as they continue to weaken my resolve. I wouldn't ask my father to come to a biker party if I knew it would make him feel uncomfortable but he has no problem with asking things of me that make me feel that way. It is because they think they are saving my life.

    I don't know how ever to resolve such neverending draining nonsense, so I post it here. I don't expect answers from anyone on this cuz I don't think there are answers. I have to decide today and call them. So if I get a little feedback that's good and I might just end up voting on it, based on the responses.

    So what do you think? Who's for me going and who's against it. What's your vote ,and why?

  • bluebell

    I wouldn't go, like you say it sets a precedent.

    If you are afraid the financial benefits will dry up if you don't do what they want you to do, do you REALLY want that kind of help? One of the reasons I choose not to serve the god of the witnesses is that he says if you don't do as I say I will kill you, I just don't want to serve a god like that.

  • Cellist

    Hmmmm. I don't know. I think I could vote either way. How about if you go to the talk and leave before the Watchtower study? Can you actually listen without making gagging noises? Cause that wouldn't be very good support.

    There would be absolutely nothing that could get me to go to another JW meeting.


  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    Incidently, if I get very little, or no response to this thread by 9:00 pm tonight, I'm going tommorow, in my Sunday best!

  • Vinny

    My first question would be, is this HIS first public talk? I understand that this would be the first talk of his YOU were at. But is he an elder and gives talks every month or a MS and this experience is very new for him?

    For me if he is not an elder, I'd say GO, but just for the talk only. You are doing it for your father, since you say this is your first time seeing his talk. You also show that you are reasonable by considering their request. This can come in quite handy when you want them to consider one of YOUR requests (such as examining one of the many WT Society embarrassments, to get them thinking).

    Also, since you accept financial support from them now, you will at least keep that avenue open for a while longer. Plus it just shows some good faith on your part in my opinion.

    One thing you might want to keep in mind is to write down questions about his talk that you'd like for him to answer sometime afterwards. You know, like 1914 and how every other secular source says 607 is wrong. Or how the WT being wrong about Vaccinations and Organ Transplants, Alternative Service etc. creates a credibility problem for you today.

    If you choose not to go, then I'd suggest you handle it very delicately. They will be hurt no matter what you say. Though by being very sensitive you can minimize the damaging after effects some.

    I went to a funeral recently (though hated it and did not want to go), but it definitely bought me some Brownie Points. The could see I have some heart. (Weeee)...

    So, in my esimation more good comes out if you GO than if you shoot them down.

    All the best,


  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    Beleive me, I fell the same way as both of you. I've often said that only a funeral will be what it takes to drag me back to that crap. It is always family that makes it harder. I could veiw it as something I will do to support my father but it never ends there. I know this.

    The other problem is, like I said I have no desire to go back to poverty. I am going to have an operation on my back in less than a year or so and I don't want a crappy unsupportive enviornment to live in. I'm depressed enough as it is. The witnesses is like a family curse or disease for which there is no cure

  • SixofNine

    I'd say go, but don't dress up much more than business casual, and come in at the last minute and leave as soon as his talk is finished. Find something in his talk delivery secular in nature to compliment him about later.

  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    You make some good points Vinny. No it is not his first public talk though, and I hope I don not make the mistake of engaging him in a dicussion on 1914. I have done this before and he still insists he is right, even in the face of bold clear evidence. Any words based on anything said at the kingdom hall is a waste of breath. I have been having these go nowhere conversations for years. They infuriate me!

  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    That sounds pretty good six of nine! I just have to make clear it's a one time thing, but I know they will totally disregard that, They will see this as a victory over Satan.

  • Hortensia

    "They even mention to me that they feel so saad that our time together is limited because harmaggedon is coming and I won't be there in the new system."

    do you realize how sick that is?

    you are in an awkward position becuase you rely on them for financial assistance. You won't be really free until you pay your own way in life - I don't know your circumstances, but it is an issue you will have to resolve sooner or later. In the meantime, you will be stuck playing games with them - they using their money to make you feel obligated and you using their love to get the help you need. There is no easy answer for you. If you go to the meeting, then they'll want something else. If you don't they may withhold support. Whoooo - what a balancing act.

Share this