Withholding sex in a relationship or marriage

by free2beme 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • mrsjones5
    Ask the women here at JWD how often they have been propositioned by a married man who complains about his frigid wife that just doesn't understand him.

    When I was in my 20's and before I got married - too many times.

  • avidbiblereader
    Or good husbands for that matter. And don't believe everything anyone tells you when they are cheating. I always remember there are two sides to every story

    I always heard there are three sides to every story,



    And the truth.


  • RR

    Sex? What's that?

  • avidbiblereader

    My first wife would withhold sex for up to six months at a time and regularly 6-8 weeks for the last couple of years as a tool, I never cheated once on her,

    However my second wife and I are making up for a lot of lost years.


  • free2beme

    I think matching people up, in any relationship, has to also match people up sexually. If you are with someone who does not care for sex, which shocks me, and you are real in to it. Time to find someone you are more compatible with. I agree, it could be signs of something that being said. Anyway, I have yet to meet a man who did not like a little attention from the opposite sex, married and unmarried.

  • Mystla
    Time to find someone you are more compatible with

    Amen!!!! My first hubby and I were not compatible.. to put it mildly. We would go for months without sex, I had to work at it for weeks to get him to have sex with me. I was so frustrated and depressed. It's common knowledge that men want sex all the time .. so what was wrong??? I assumed it was me. It was almost a relief to find out he's gay.. it explained soooo much!!!

    Current hubby and I have a much better record.. making up for lost time and all.


  • Been there
    Been there

    I think it's important to understand that the term 'withholding' does not necessarily apply to this question, though. 'Withering' is the term that may apply more fully--as in, withering sex drive/ desire/ connection---from lack of 'watering,' nurturing, and any number of ills existing within the marriage itself.

    A lot of times, guys (and sometimes girls) prefer to look at it as their partners withholding---rather than see it as themSELVES withholding: Withholding the TLC and hard maintenance necessary to keep a healthy marriage connection thriving. So...I say...if your partner seems to be withholding...look for the root causes to the WITHERING.......

    Excellent summery. That is exactly how I think of it. This subject hits close to home. I could fill two pages with my thoughts on it from my perspective.

    That young guy bought the book but he isn't bothering to read it. He thinks there is something wrong with the book so he is going to go out borrowing another one. He isn't going to read that one either. He may even borrow a few more before he's done, when all along he had a precious book on his shelf at home if he only cared enough to open it and read what was inside. Owning the book doesn't mean much, but if you cherish it and use the information given by it (yes sometimes you have to read between the lines) you will get many good years of reading out of it. When you marry, you buy a novel but alot of guys are in the kiddy section with "Dick meets Jane (no pun intended :o) ) and See Spot Run". He might even buy a couple more books but in the end just send them off to the used book store because they don't work either. Someone may come along and see that old tattered book for the treasure that it is and get a really good deal if they can still read it after all the stains the previous owner put on it in the kiddy section.

    So what I am saying is.........If his balls are aching, her heart is probably aching, after you get married they are very closely connected.

  • winnie
    I think matching people up, in any relationship, has to also match people up sexually.

    I often wonder how witnesses can marry without knowing they are compatible in that department.

  • Crumpet

    Really good thread and some excellent posts too.

    I have been in a relationship where the sex has been withheld indefinitely and its horrible especially when the affection is witheld too. I can so see why people have affairs. The whole experience has made me reassess just how judgemental I have been in the past.

  • PaulJ


    Know where youre coming from.


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