Why can't we own Canadians?

by closer2fine 74 Replies latest jw friends

  • closer2fine
    closer2fine

    Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to
    people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that as an
    observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
    Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance.
    The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident,
    which was posted on the Internet:

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that
    knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.

    End of debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
    specific laws and how to follow them.

    a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
    pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.
    They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
    Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
    price for her?

    c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
    her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
    female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
    of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

    Why can't I own Canadians?

    e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
    35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.

    Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
    abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
    homosexuality.

    I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
    have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.

    Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
    around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
    19:27.

    How should they die?

    i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
    me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
    different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16)

    Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like
    we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
    you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

    closer

    Mean People Produce
    Little Mean People

  • peaceloveharmony
    peaceloveharmony

    where does the line start so i can get my very own canadian?

    closer, thanks for posting this, it's a keeper

    love
    harmony

    Most people think, Great God will come from the skies, Take away everything And make everybody feel high. But if you know what life is worth, You will look for yours on earth: And now you see the light, You stand up for your rights.~~Bob Marley

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    I thought we DID own the Canadians?

  • closer2fine
    closer2fine

    HA HA

    Naeblis doesn't know it yet, but I just bought him online at Ebay.

    Got a good price too.

    closer

    Mean People Produce
    Little Mean People

  • Naeblis
    Naeblis

    Heyheyheyhey!! Back off! We burned down your White House once and we'll do it again!!! >:[ I've included a picture of our most feared military unit. Beware!

  • waiting
    waiting

    buy Canadians, eh..........

    Now, that scripture has merits. Probably for Mexicans too, but I only know some Canadians. Some nice Canadians.

    Their personalities suck sometimes, (at least on some threads) but nice nonetheless.

    How much did Naeblis cost on EBay? American or Canadian currency? Do you have to pay sales tax for Canadians?

    waiting

  • closer2fine
    closer2fine

    Naeblis,

    Your secret weapons are a bunch of grass-smoking, draft-dodging hippies!

    Waiting,

    I paid a whopping $39.95 US - no tax - but I have to pay delivery charges. They did promise "satisfaction guaranteed"

    closer

    Mean People Produce
    Little Mean People

  • voltaire
    voltaire

    I want a Canadian. Can I get mine grilled? I don't like fried food.

  • Naeblis
    Naeblis

    *sputters in rage*

  • Dan B
    Dan B

    Hey!! Be nice. Us Canadians have feelings too, eh!!

    Dan

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