I ONLY HAD ONE CHOICE - a "poem" by GG/BG (work in progress...???) (page 2)

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

A very moving poem. I find writing poetry can be quite therapeutic, but I'm not as good at it as you.
Keep up the good work and take care.
Love DNC xx

Thanks, DNC. Thanks, J-ex-W, too. Your kind words are very much appreciated, all of you.

grey matters

That's good stuff. It captures the oppression well.

fullofdoubtnow

GGBG,

That is excellent, you covered everything. There are a few elders who ought to read this section

they drill into your head that you are evil and terrible if you make human mistakes
until you go to them for help and healing
and they cut you off from your everyone you know
make an announcement about your evil unrepentant ways
and teach everyone around you to shun you and think bad thoughts about you
then make you jump through hoops for years in order to reinstate your good standing
all for going to them as shepherds for help
help for making mistakes
help for being human

It might make them think about some of the decisions they make.

crazyblondeb

That is awesome!! I hope you keep writing!!!!!

shell

Thank you grey matters, thank you fullofdoubtnow, thank you crazyblondeb! Oh man, I was definitely questioning even posting this, and OpenFireGlass talked me into it after I showed it to him. I am very glad I did. (thank you, ofg)

SacrificialLoon

I enjoyed reading that, it was very good. Thank you for sharing.

Twitch

i like the form/departure from structure of the words

amplifies what's being said

all so very familiar

Thank you

misanthropic

Thanks for sharing that, and yeah Sparkplug was right that ending was perfect, I got all goosbumped too.

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

thanks for all the kind words!

I liked the departure from form too. I wanted to convey the way it was running around in my brain, and how I felt so overwhelmed and oppressed and like I was a hamster running on a wheel and never getting anywhere, least of all happiness, or any kind of "success" and I was hoping to do that by not using punctuation and just sort of free flowing but sometimes touching on structure and then alleviating from it again.

anyway, thanks for the words, please feel free to offer advice or constructive criticism too. I actually want to be a writer.

SixofNine

I agree with Sparky and Misthang about the ending. To me, the ending reads a bit like an adult Dr. Seuss. And that is high praise, btw; as I think Seuss is brilliant.

I ONLY HAD ONE CHOICE - a "poem" by GG/BG (work in progress...???)

Share this