I ONLY HAD ONE CHOICE - a "poem" by GG/BG (work in progress...???)

by Good Girl or Bad Girl? 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?

    So I wrote this poem, if that is what you can call it. Not saying it's good or anything, but it's how I feel. So there it is. It's about my experience as a Jehovah's Witness.

    I ONLY HAD ONE CHOICE

    they said do more service
    they said give more comments
    they said do better
    they said do more
    they said it's never enough
    they said you shouldn't be comfortable

    they said the end is near
    they said Satan the Devil controls the world
    they said anyone not on God's side is on Satan's side
    they said we are on God's side
    they said we are the only true religion
    they said don't look at the internet, it's run by Satan trying to mislead you

    they said no school dances
    they said no soccer matches
    they said no birthday cake
    they said the wine and bread you must not take
    they said Jesus didn't die for YOU
    they said no college too
    they said no independent thinking
    they said study your watchtower harder
    they said start more Bible studies
    they said donate more money to the Watchtower Society
    they said join the Theocratic Ministry School
    they said don't make friends at school
    they said don't talk to those who have left
    they said tell the elders if you sin
    they said shun your friends and family if they make mistakes
    they said don't you dare eat birthday cupcakes
    they said don't stand for the pledge of allegience
    they said don't accept blood transfusions under ANY circumstances
    they said don't read the Bible without gaining understanding from the Watchtower
    they said if you see your friends doing wrong, tell the elders about it, it's for your friends' own good
    they said go to five meetings every week or God will kill you in Armageddon
    they said you are a good for nothing slave
    they said what you do is what you ought to have done
    they said don't think more of yourself than is necessary to think

    they drill into your head that you are evil and terrible if you make human mistakes
    until you go to them for help and healing
    and they cut you off from your everyone you know
    make an announcement about your evil unrepentant ways
    and teach everyone around you to shun you and think bad thoughts about you
    then make you jump through hoops for years in order to reinstate your good standing
    all for going to them as shepherds for help
    help for making mistakes
    help for being human

    they said don't question us we are Men of God
    they said don't question the teachings printed in the Watchtower they are infallible
    unless there is "new light" but that comes from us, not from you
    they said guard against independent thinking
    they said you must not go to a therapist for help
    they said don't report anything to the law - it's a poor reflection on Jehovah
    they said don't do this and don't do that but do this and do that
    and then they said why are you bogged down
    why are you depressed
    perhaps you should read your Bible more
    perhaps you should read the Watchtower more
    pray more
    go out in service more
    it's your fault you are sad
    it's Satan targeting you because of your bad attitude
    Satan saw a weakness
    you need to strengthen yourself
    why are you feeling sorry for yourself
    it's your fault that people will not invite you
    it's because of your past
    you created your own life for yourself

    i jumped through all their hoops
    i played by all their rules
    i did what i was told
    i didn't ask any questions
    i minded my own business

    it's not enough they say
    it's not good they say
    it's not right they say
    you're lazy they say

    i thought Jehovah forgave me when they deemed me worthy of being one of them again

    they say don't vote - we are not of this world
    they say don't do charity work unless it's to preach door to door
    they say God will handle everything in due time and to wait on Jehovah
    they say you have a bad attitude if you get tired of waiting on Him
    they said they were God's people
    they said they were good
    they said all other people were bad
    don't trust them
    they said there are six things Jehovah hates, seven things detestable to Him
    lying is one of them
    and then they lied
    and they lied
    and they lied


    until finally I said
    i don't want to live this way
    i don't think i want to stay
    i just cannot do what you say
    the only winning move is not to play

    and then i walked away

  • SWALKER
    SWALKER

    That's a long "don't" list...accurate and sad!!!

    Swalker

  • Abandoned
    Abandoned

    It's so messed up that we go through this crap. Keep writing. Poetry has literally saved my life a time or two...

    If you want my one suggestion, pm me and I'll pm it to you.

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug
    until finally I said
    i don't want to live this way
    i don't think i want to stay
    i just cannot do what you say
    the only winning move is not to play

    and then i walked away

    I wrote this on your blog...but .......this made me goosebumpery! Amazing!

  • Warlock
    Warlock

    Baby Girl,

    A work in progress? It looks like a finished work. You covered everything................truthfully.

    I know what you've been through and I'm proud of you. You are a survivor.

    Love,

    Papa Bear

  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?

    Thank you, Papa Bear.

    Abandoned: of course I always want advice from a REAL writer. I PM'd you too.

    Spark: I saw your post on my blog on MySpace too. Thank ya, darlin'.

    Swalker: thanks for reading. I appreciate it!

  • J-ex-W
    J-ex-W

    OMG, Good Girl or Bad Girl?--------- I couldn't have said it any better myself. Thank you for posting this!!

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    They said they say and they suck, and you said a mouthful in your poem, GGBG. Would it be alright to share it on a forum of never-been-witnesses, just to make them understand what it means to have grown up in a cult?

  • Do Not Call
    Do Not Call

    A very moving poem. I find writing poetry can be quite therapeutic, but I'm not as good at it as you.
    Keep up the good work and take care.
    Love DNC xx

  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    They said they say and they suck, and you said a mouthful in your poem, GGBG. Would it be alright to share it on a forum of never-been-witnesses, just to make them understand what it means to have grown up in a cult?

    yes, six, that would be fine with me, as long as you give me credit. thank you.

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