I'm still scared to say anything to offend my daughters. I don't want them to cut me off completely, so does that make me a weak ex-dub?
It makes you an ex-dub who loves her daughters and is afraid of being totally cut off by them. Fear is not always a bad thing. It serves a valuable protective function. A wise person pays attention to what they are afraid of and what the message in the fear is trying to tell them. In your case, it may be telling you that your relationship with your daughters is more important to your well-being right now than speaking "your truth". That could change in the future, but you don't need to rush it.
What's wrong with that? Does that make you a weak ex-dub? A better question might be, where did you first learn the idea that speaking out your beliefs to all you meet regardless of whether they wanted to hear or know them or regardless of serious consequences, means that you are strong? It was JW's who put that idea into our heads in the first place. Our beliefs may have changed as ex-dubs but we still have to contend with that learned (from JW's) tendency to obnoxiously spout them off to everyone within listening range. Speaking out = strong, keeping silent = weak. That is the JW belief. In many situations, perhaps it takes more strength, courage and wisdom to keep silent. A good example might be restraining oneself from telling off the boss when he is clearly wrong. Perhaps that crappy job is the sole support of a young family. Telling the truth might feel good, and in keeping with our integrity, but many would consider it very foolish.
I have my moments where I'm angry and I'll say something derogatory about the witnesses to them; but I find that I'm not trying to send them informative information about the cults roots. I keep thinking that they'll think that I'm really a big devil that's trying to prevent them from loving God.
Again, your gut instincts are probably steering you in the right direction. What you fear will happen if you give witnesses info on their religious roots, probably is what would happen. So what would be accomplished? Most don't want that information. If they did, they could easily get it for themselves. It's not hard to find.
Does this mean that I have no integrity?
No, JW's will tell you it means that but then they are prone to extremist views. I suspect that you would be willing to share your new beliefs and your info about JW history to those who would be willing to listen with an open, unprejudiced mind. So you have the honesty, and the integrity, but they do not have the willingness to listen and you know that. What would be the point of a human rights worker taking some pamphlets on racial equality and passing them out at a white supremist meeting? Would that accomplish anything? Well, maybe if he had a death wish. Mostly it would just be plain stupid.
I have been tossing around this issue myself lately. Feeling like I'm sacrificing my personal integrity by not telling my extended family and friends how I really feel about my old religion. I have had a professional counselor, non JW relatives and friends from this forum all tell me the same thing. Don't do it. There is nothing to be gained except shunning (which in my family's case might be a bonus). My family are very active, die-hard dubs. The funny thing is, I have been totally inactive for a year and they don't know. I have been able to fade quite sucessfully for a year without telling a single lie. I realized the reason for this is because my JW family never actually asks or listens to my opinion on anything. They DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK! And that's when they believe I'm an active dub. They sure as hell don't want to know what I think if it is different from what they think. They never shut-up preaching long enough to ever listen to what anyone else has to say on any topic. So after a year of going back and forth on this issue, (should I tell?, should I keep quiet?) I've finally realized that there is nothing wrong with my integrity. I have told those who are close enough to me to ask what is going on with me. I'm willing to be honest with anyone who wants it. It is really my family's integrity that is in question. The integrity of their beliefs is threatened to even listen to anyone who doesn't agree with them. Not just in matters of religion either. In every aspect of life. The alternative viewpoint is threatening to their integrity.
Hope this helps.
Cog
