I'm upset at an elder

OnTheWayOut

Okay, even though I will reveal enough information to any lurkers who could
figure out who I am if they wanted to, I don't care. Still, I will blur a little info
so that I can deny this is me. Bare with me for the story.

I am in a foreign language congregation- the only one of this language in a
roughly six-county area, so the territory is vast and complicated. Before I
arrived in this cong., they had trouble with the territory overseer. I took over
and modernized the system, kept it running smooth for years. When I resigned
as an elder in August, the territory records were spotless and all the names and
related information on the sheets were updated. (People move or die constantly- you
need to update records regularly. Before I did the job, dead people were staying on
the list for a couple of years.) They could have done barely anything with the records
and they still would have run smoothly up until December.

Well, they did less than barely nothing- they did absolutely nothing. The territory
sheets are checked in with the Pioneers update sheets. The pioneers note who was
dead or moved. The elder who took over territories throws away the notes and reissues
the territory without updating. Now that a few months have passed, the pioneers are
already noting the problems. Some of them got together and decide that things ran
smoothly while I was doing the territory.

So a few pioneers approach me and tell me this story. "We approached Bro. Elder
and asked him what happened to the territories. He said Bro. OnTheWayOut is no
longer an elder, so he's not doing them. We asked him if Bro. OTWO could keep doing
territory anyway. (The elders have not discussed my situation with others- amazing)
He said they would love that but it's up to Bro. OTWO. If he is able to do it, that
would be great. So what do you think, Bro. OTWO, will you take the territory assignments
back?"

I listened kind of dumbfounded. Bro. Elder knows I have not gone out in service. He
knows the CO would never approve of giving me ~~privileges~~ responsibilities within the cong.
He doesn't need to discuss the problem with pioneer sisters, but he doesn't have to duck
out on his duties and try to say "it's up to Bro. OTWO." Like if things don't get better, it's
because Bro. OTWO is too lazy to take a responsibility. NO, the elder is too lazy to do
the job right. I told the pioneers that "Bro. Elder is misleading you. The situation is not so
simple that I could just do the job if I wanted to." (I don't want to) I didn't even care how that
gets back to the elders. I will just say the pioneer sisters got what I said wrong.

I told the elders to take care of the 99 sheep and forget the 1 stray. They have done this.
I don't want their shepherding, and they have not disappointed me so far. But now to
try to act as if I could take responsibility while they know I am not regular and will soon be
inactive unless things change- I am upset.

truthsetsonefree

He is probably dangling a privilege in front of you. They seem to do this to elders. (Trust me I know.) Its as if we are so dangerous that they want to keep us happy.

tsof

SB

that sounds really controlling, putting you in an awkward situation in front of someone else. The "unspoken understanding" that is so common at the hall. very passive aggressive. if i were you, i would have been like, "sure, i'll do the territories!" right in front of the pioneer and elder, then started immediatly. :)

Doubting Bro

The old duck & weave!! Screw up a job and then blame it on someone else. Classic!

So a few pioneers approach me and tell me this story. "We approached Bro. Elder
and asked him what happened to the territories. He said Bro. OnTheWayOut is no
longer an elder, so he's not doing them. We asked him if Bro. OTWO could keep doing
territory anyway. (The elders have not discussed my situation with others- amazing)
He said they would love that but it's up to Bro. OTWO. If he is able to do it, that
would be great. So what do you think, Bro. OTWO, will you take the territory assignments
back?"

Ok, this is one of the oddest things I've seen in a while. Bro Elder could have easily said that Bro OTWO can't handle them right now and that he is handling them on a temp basis until they can get a MS trained. But, no. I love the passive aggressive nature of "Bro Elder". I've dealt with plenty of these wimps. So, he wants to try to shame you into taking back your responsibilities. And then have the pioneers approach you instead of telling them he would talk to you. Since when do they hand out assignments? I'm suprised that that didn't raise some red flags with them. The pioneers must know that something is up.

but he doesn't have to duck out on his duties and try to say "it's up to Bro. OTWO." Like if things don't get better, it's because Bro. OTWO is too lazy to take a responsibility. NO, the elder is too lazy to do
the job right.

True enough, but he has no interest in performing this lowly task that is generally assigned to a MS. No glory in that.

I told the pioneers that "Bro. Elder is misleading you. The situation is not so
simple that I could just do the job if I wanted to." (I don't want to) I didn't even care how that
gets back to the elders. I will just say the pioneer sisters got what I said wrong.

Good for you! He is misleading them but its really not about them. Its about him trying to make you look bad (as if you even care). Passive aggressive behavior which I have found to be the most common character trait among the elders I know. I'm glad that you punted the ball back to him.

But now to try to act as if I could take responsibility while they know I am not regular and will soon be
inactive unless things change- I am upset.

That's what he wants. They are too chicken to confront you but they're hoping that you confront them. Don't take their bait if the fade is what you want. Just try to act like it never happened. If you confront them on it, they will use it as an excuse to start hammering you on your doubts and maybe even trick you into saying something that could lead to a committee.

lawrence

My recommendation ... let the CO take care of the records when he visits. It's winter in Illinois, no need for Monday off for golf. Let the lazy Pharisee do something for his keep, surely he won't be studying Scripture.

BCZAR2ME

Like if things don't get better, it's because Bro. OTWO is too lazy to take a responsibility

Do you care? If you are truly on your way out why would you?

The problem I see is hurt pride.

bczar

OnTheWayOut

Just to be crystal clear- reading my story is a bit long.

The elder never approached me. The pioneer sisters said

"So what do you think, Bro. OTWO, will you take the territory assignments
back?"

But, they had Bro. Elder's comment that it would be great if I would do it.

OnTheWayOut

Doubting Bro, you are on my favorites list. You said many fine comments that help. The top was:

Don't take their bait if the fade is what you want. Just try to act like it never happened.

That is what I need to do. I punted back, now I can go back to leaving them alone, as I hope
they leave me alone. I only want to be ready for whatever is said about the incident. I have a
feeling that nothing will result from the elders, just some gossip among the pioneers, but
that's fine- it will be just as much about the elder as it is about me.

Thanks.

OnTheWayOut

Do you care? If you are truly on your way out why would you?
The problem I see is hurt pride.
bczar

It's not my pride. The pioneers thought I was doing a good job and wanted me back. It's about the
elder squirming out of saying what he needs to say. As posted here, he could just admit he's doing
a poor job temporarily until he can pawn it off onto a pion. NO, he has to say that it could be done
by me if I were willing. I do not care if the pioneers learn that I am not willing. It will soon be the big
gossip that I became inactive and barely show up at meetings, anyway. Reading your post helps, too.
I am mad, but I am not really the problem- and I don't care how they resolve it. Thanks for helping me
focus on the fact that it's no big deal to me.

AK - Jeff

Classic!

The Pharisee's are too busy kicking people out of the temple to worry about the little task of making sure the pio's can figure out how to work the territory.

I understand your frustrations - been there to some extent in the past myself. I honestly like to see this sort of thing happen - it makes the 'service wheels' squeak and sometimes fall off. The choppier the recruiting process is the better in my estimate.

Could you use this additional 'wedge' to separate yourself even further in your 'fade'? Assuming that is your intent.

Jeff

I'm upset at an elder

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