"happy families" - NOT!!!

by winnie 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • winnie

    Hi all.

    This is my first post, although I have been an avid reader for quite some time now. Please bear with me if I seem long winded. (I have no one else to talk to, and my husband says I talk to him too much!)

    Anyway, a bit of background, my husband and I were raised as JW's. We married 10.5 years ago, and mutually decided 9 years ago (when we had our 1st child) that we no longer shared the same opinions of the WTS, so we stopped attending. We were never disfellowshipped or disassociated, and we have never done anything 'wrong'. We are honest and hard working and generally down to earth and friendly. I like to call us 'normal'.

    My family - We decide to move to another state. My family (Dad, Mom, 2 x brothers and 1 sister) follow about 1 year later. After a disagreement relating to a business venture (my mother wanted to 'hide' monies received and we did not agree to this happening), we mutually agreed to part ways regarding work related issues.

    Then their 'true' nature came out. They turned all JW's in town, which was quite small, against us (maybe for fear we would disclose what they were up to), and generally made life so unbearable for us that we had no option but to sell up and move. Prior to moving, I had our 3rd child. While in hospital, they went to their assembly, passing by the hospital I was staying in, did not come in to see their new grandchild, and then had the nerve to tell people that they still hadn't seen our new baby as we wouldn't 'allow' it.

    We move states and about a year later, I decide to 'do the right thing' and send them a couple of photo's of the kids. When I rang them to see if they got them, my sister (14 at the time) called me a f***ing b***h, and my brother gloated about the fact that they 'ran us out of town' as they put it. (To this day, I still can't work out what we did wrong, or what we did to deserve such treatment.)

    That was 3 years ago, and since then, 1 x brother has married a 'mail order bride' and are [happily] attending meetings. My sister has gone completely crazy and anti-social, threatening my parents with all sorts, and my other 21 yo brother made headlines recently when he went to court for permission to marry his 17 yo girlfriend, openly admitting to sleeping with her since she was 15!!!

    Meanwhile they have never seen 3 of my 5 children, their only grandchildren, and never make any attempt to do so. When sent photo's they have never shown any interest, so I have given up on trying. Their loss!!!

    And they still continue to plod along to all the meetings like good little christians, and preach about what happy families they make, and what good, kind, loving honest people they are!!! (NOT.)

    My husbands family - his brother and his wife had sex prior to marriage, and after marriage, his wife left numerous times, chased other men, has countless arguments and are generally unhappy as I see it - they look miserable all the time, (or maybe they just don't know any other way to live). They later 'confessed' to having sex prior to marriage ( or as us in the family know - she ran to the elders to confess while he packed her bags and chucked her our for 'dobbing them in') received a 'slap on the hands' and went on their merry little way.

    My brother in law, who is an elder by the way, boasts about his numerous schemes for gaining/saving/scamming monies dishonestly, but always has an excuse handy if questioned. Is generally a lazy 'bum' who does not want to work, lives on government handouts, knows all the 'entitlements' and how to get them, constantly criticizes and judges others, and has the nerve to preach about what good, upstanding christians they all are!

    My sister in law moved out of home*, lived with her boyfriend*, got disfellowshipped, got pregnant*, got married, got re-instated, had baby, seperated from husband, moved back home and is getting divorced all in the space of 1 year! (Is commented on locally that it was the fastest re-instatement anyone had ever seen! I wonder if her father being P/O had anything to do with it...?) *all done deliberatley and with forethought.

    1 other sister in law we never see of hear from.

    The other sister in law does not speak to her parents or select other siblings and has moved to another state to get away from them. She is the only semi-sane one. She celebrates x-mas, b'days etc, but still hides it from the family she still speaks to.

    My mother in law has told my husband numerous times that it would be better if we (me, my husband and 5 kids) were to all die in a car crash...at least then we would have a chance of a resurrection. (What kind of warped thinking is this???)

    My father in law, despite being P/O just buries his head in the sand and plays happy families!

    And they all go about their daily lives preaching about what upstanding loving, happy families and people they all are, all the while b***ing behind everyone's back, yet smiling to their face!

    Meanwhile, all of the above think they are justified in shunning us. The mind boggles!

    Anyone else have family like this or are we the only ones???

  • ozziepost


    Welcome aboard, winnie! After what you've experienced, JWD must seem sane!

    I think that the WTS likes to boast that JWs have perfect families but as you have seen the reality is quite different.

    For a while I thought that dub families were no different to any others in the world but in more recent times I'm coming to the view that they are indeed worse off.

    They just aren't happy!

  • BrentR

    Sounds pretty typical, much like my family and probably alot of others on this forum. My poor daughter really does not have any grandparents. My side of the family has shuned and disowned us and my wife's mother insists on staying married to a convicted child rapist. Plenty of toxicity on boths sides of the family. Neither my wife or I can fiqure out how we made it to adulthood with our sanity intact.

  • sass_my_frass

    Oi, what a disaster zone...

    Their loss!!!

    Exactly, it's great that you can see it that way. All their loveless plans to shame and shun us are pointless when we finally work out how much better off we are without our families' conditional love. It's helping me to let them go. You and your children are infinitely better off without them screwing you over every chance they get. They have created this hellish world for themselves. Leave them to it and protect yourself from the hurt they cause you.

    Oh, and, Welcome to the board!!!

  • bubble

    Welcome to the board Winnie. Your story sounds typical of many who post here. Families like yours justify their dispicable behaviour by putting themselves on a spiritual pedestal. It's all BS.

    You can chose your friends but not your relatives, it hurts when they treat you so badly but your conscience is clear. If there is a god, he will judge accordingly.

    Love from Marie. XXX

  • JWdaughter

    When I made some pointed remarks about our oh-so happy JW family members (truly psycho criminal folks here, we have a regular Shakepearean drama with the murder of a spouse and lover, fratricide, insanity, multiple divorces, abuse, suicide (isn't that enough!) and my mom says to me "Honey, can you imagine how crazy they would be if they WEREN'T Jehovahs Witnesses?


    Shelly-who thanks God for every day that she retains her marbles

  • MsUrsy

    Oh how I sympathize with you...I am so thankful my extended family was not a part of this "happy" religion....They are all jumping for joy, along with all my old friends I left behind, because our family is out! I have always thought that most of the Witness families I saw were some of the most miserable people I knew! As for them shunning you, when they themselves are doing bad things, it is par for the course....I have said since removing myself from the KH that the majority put on a show to win favor with the other Witnesses...most do not care what God thinks, because most do not have a personal realtionship with God...It is a showy display, similar to what the bible describes the Pharasees as having! Hold your head high, and as much as it must hurt...know there are folks here who have your back! Much luck to you! ......Ursula

  • Gill

    Welcome Winnie!

    Sounds typical of quite a few JW families that I have and still do know of!

    You're correct that it is your families loss to shun you and your children. Do you really want to 'know' such crazy people.

    My inlaws live a 100 yards up the road from us and shun us and we couldn't care less! Good riddance to bad rubbish! Apparantly we're not spiritual enough for them!

    Hope to hear more from you.

  • purplesofa
    I decide to 'do the right thing'

    Oh, wow, I remember after feeling like I was not treating my mom right, I rang her..........it was months of hell afterwards. The right thing for me is to stay away. So sorry it has to be that way.

    Welcome to the board


  • OnTheWayOut

    You have been here awhile, but welcome to the discussion of YOUR life.

    I am not suggesting you abandon your family, but if they every DF you for
    abandoning the JW beliefs, it would not really hurt you then. Your family
    sounds alot like a family I have known throughout the years. The
    sad part is that the most screwed up ones think that the ones that left
    the Witnesses are worse off than them.

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