I'm dating a JW, and need some advice!

by changtech 23 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  Hi and welcome. I don't want to sound like I'm only bashing your beau, but please read the life stories of those of us raised as JWs. You'll see some common issues that we have all admitted to and are still working on: Unable to relate to others and communicate honestly, unable to love unconditionally, isolating ourselves emotionally and physically. People in general have these and other personality flaws, but with a JW lad we're talking 100-fold. The fact that he is dating 'a worldly girl' shows that he's not 'spiritually strong' (a JW term), so why is he bent on dragging you into it, and worse, why is it so important to him that it appears to others that you're a studying, interested person?

  People are never happy when they let others squeeze them into a mold, he isn't, and you won't be either.

  Hugs.

  Catfish
• 

  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  AND. . .perhaps you don't know this, but the JWs forbid oral sex. Good luck with that.
• 

  sass_my_frass

  HUGE respect to you, for having the clarity to see past that love thing. It's not so much that it would fade, it's more that all the joy you would have together would be overshadowed by his indoctrination. It's commendable that you're looking after yourself, I know how much that hurts, but you deserve to be number 1 in a relationship, not a distant fourth or fifth (behind Jehovah, the governing body, the literature, the elders, his friends and family....)

  It's really tough to suggest something for you to talk to him about. Leaving took me many years and a long series of events, but anytime that somebody was obviously making an effort to show me something to help me along the way, my training kicked in and rejected the info and the person and the source. They're very good at the control game, these JWs. He's probably not the most committed JW, but they're still his primary loyalty.

  There are many doctrines that can easily be proven wrong through their own literature, but he will be suspicious that you got them from apostates and therefore he'll just dismiss them. There are others that you need 'apostate' sources for, and he won't accept that. We could coach you in some specific things, but my opinion is that he'll reject anything that trips his warning buttons but will respond to your insights and instincts. Eg, something that's been covered in your bible study, think about why it didn't make sense to you and you couldn't believe it. That's the kind of thing he needs to hear, and it needs to be in your words, not in our language; he'll sniff us out.

  You could also point out how deceptive he has been, and how loveless his family are to you. He should get a lesson in maturity - that when we grow up we make our own choices, we're not supposed to spend our lives trying to please our family and friends.
• 

  Cabin in the woods
• 

  Cabin in the woods

  You have received some incredible guidance here. Allow him to read it and give him the choice. There is no future if he does not come to terms with this ludicrous belief system and leave it. Stay in touch with all of us here. This is not just for the ex witnesses but also for anyone who the belief system has touched and scarred. cabs
• 

  blondie

  Welcome.

  If he is dating you, he is disobeying a very important rule of Jehovah's witnesses. While they are not officially excommunicated (disfellowshipped) for dating or marrying non-JWs, they are considered weak spiritually. As a man, he will probably lose any status or assignments he has as a JW if the elders in his congregation find out.

  Since there are so many single women in the Watchtower Society, they will wonder why he had to go outside his religious community to find a wife. They will also assume that you two are engaging in a sexual relationship as well since JWs assume all non-JWs are immoral (almost all).

  Do you realize what you have to give up to become a JW?

  No blood transfusions for you or any children you have.

  No Christmas, Easter, birthdays, or any holiday will be celebrated.

  You must attend 5 hourly meetings weekly and put in a unofficial minimum of 10 hours a month going from door to door speaking about what the WTS teaches and trying to get people to take literature.

  You will be a second class person in the congregation only allowed to give comments when called on from the audience, give talks only to another woman on the platform, teach only unbaptized people about the Bible, be labeled the "weaker" sex, must submit to your husband as the final decision maker for the family.

  Be willing to let a body of elders and the WTS determine what type of married sex you can have.

  Go to 3 assemblies a year for a total of 6 days.

  Believe God is not a trinity.

  Believe that the soul is not immortal.

  Believe that only 144,000 people will go to heaven and they are only a few left on earth and they are all JWs.

  That God will soon destroy all 6.5 billion people are not JWs at Armageddon, including children.

  And that is just a beginning.

  I can recommend that you not go through with marrying a JW. Even an inactive JW with conflicted beliefs. Even a disfellowshipped JW with conflicted beliefs.

  I grew up in a family where the father was not a JW and the mother was...it was not a pretty picture.

  Keep reading here on JWD.

  Welcome, Blondie
• 

  confusedjw

  You should know that the religion is based on dates to a degree. For instance they believe, because they are taught that the Faithful and Discrete Slave were "selected" in 1919 by Jesus. But somehow they didn't realize this until 1929. For that decade they taught that Jesus arrived in 1874 to take rule in heaven. They taught that this happened "beyond any doubt".
  
  Take a gander at this research
  
  http://www.607v587.com/
  
  I'm sure he's a great guy, but like most of use were, he is trapped in a cult mentality. Not his fault, but not easy to bust out of either.
  
  Good luck
• 

  Clam

  Here's some good stuff -

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77159/1.ashx
• 

  bubble

  I think you will be starting to get the picture. We really think you should walk away from this relationship, for your own good.
  
  But I think you already know that. Good luck with the break up. It will be hard but worth it in the long run.
• 

  fokyc

  Retreat fast and forget him!! Bye, Bye

  fokyc