JW restrictions on sex, lead to over hype that made sex disappointing. (page 5)

Highlander

I agree with you S4, I lost interest long ago.

Hello, thought you'd like another female opinion on this issue...

I agree that wonderful sex can be had where there is no true love- just carnal attraction, great chemistry and two very willing partners. I have had this and it is really nice. I have also had wonderful sex in a really loving commited relationship.

Both are wonderful and I really enjoy the fact that I was able to have a good time with the "cheap" sex and enjoy it for what it was.

I think that the main ingredients for great sex are people who are each in tune with what the other one wants and can give each other exactly that. I think mostly that this is something that is either there or isn't. BUT I guess these things can also be learned with two open and caring partners.

I have just been ever so fortunate to have partners that I have automatically "clicked" with. And that's part of dating non-witnesses that is so good, sex is up front and out in the open and usually figured out in the first month or so. It is nothing that lingers over your head and worries you and freaks you out for years while you have a "courtship".

I guess when sex is wonderful, it's just like the icing on top of an already yummy cake and you don't even stress about it at all, like most normal people, but if it is terrible it becomes the crux of your relationship.

and GOOD GOD seeker4 how did you lure that girl in with that mug!!!???

-K

Satanus

Is really good chemistry different from love?

S

RedPill2006

I totally agree with you free2beme. I was an elder for 15 years and had to sit through quite a few JC hearings (i absolutely hated it, whilst others had delight in doing this shit). I am not an elder anymore and I can agree from my own personal experience that marrying too young is absolutley wrong and I go even one step further.

I know that what I am going to say will provoke, but this is an personal observation. Here it goes:

I think the high incident rate of child abuse on part of elders/ministerial servants is due to repressed sex lifes in youth. (I know, I know it is ABSOLUTELY NO excuse and when I was an elder this type of wrongdoing stole my sleep, It hurts me to think about the victims as I have one in my family). But I have observed during those hearings that some of these men where RAISED as witnesses and could not go through the normal process of experiencing sex when you are 15.....many of them are still childish and are mentally or emotionally stuck in an earlier time period of they're lifes!

So. This is my statement. I am an observer that likes to stand on the sideline and learn from peoples behaviour/psychologie. I might be wrong, but the above statement is based on my observations during those JC meetings.

Any other thoughts?

RedPill.

RedPill2006

I do everything and anything she wants me to do(and visibly enjoy it in the process), but getting her to
reciprocate is like pulling teeth sometimes(And when she does, it's obvious she's not enjoying herself.) Things like that do not go unnoticed by myself and it takes away almost all
enjoyment of sex. I knew from the day we married that the sex would be horrible. On our wedding day, I was undressing her so that we could go in the jacuzzi together. She just stood
there like a tree. No enthusiasm. I had to coach her into taking my clothes off. She was like a dead fish in the sack,,,
I suspect that her marriage to me is based on financial support and companionships(as many, if not a majority of marriages are based on)
My no strings, sexual encounters of the past were based on sexual fulfillment and having a good time.
My marriage may merely be a financial fulfillment for her. And that my friend, makes for a lot of bad sex.

HOW TRUE! My case, too. With exception that I didn't experience the casual sex with others (I'm still a "faithfull" JW.....). Another reason for JW to be married (like myself): Oh, but she is such a good pioneer.....that was supposed to make a good marriage.

RedPill.

Thegoodgirl

I think that sex was overhyped in just about all social circles. Don't you remember the conversations on the school bus when the 13 year old boys were talking about inches, and doing it all night, and how she screamed with delight? I also thought sex was going to be absolutely out of this world, but it was not from what the JWs told me, it was more the rumors in middle school.

Yeah, in my congreg. too, it was sort of taboo to break off an engagement since Joseph and Mary were viewed as "married" when they were only engaged or something like that. But sex certainly wasn't tolerated during the engagement.

Seeker4

Kudra wrote: "and GOOD GOD seeker4 how did you lure that girl in with that mug!!!???

-K"

My charming personality, obviously. A good sense of humor cannot be over-rated.

S4

daystar

?? I have only very rarely been disappointed with sex. But then, even raised as a JW, I didn't feel as much guilt about it as some did, apparently, and didn't date JW women, so there weren't as many hangups to deal with.

Kudra

Daystar- yup the guilt over sex never got to me either. I was super excited to be able to have sex but it was not a weird build up about something unattainable.

Seeker4- a sense of humor is a great part of a sexual relationship too! Has to be!

-K

Nowman

I have to start out by responding to the 1st person that started this thread. I too grew up as a JW and was fascinated with sex, I was full of hormones as a teenager, and I facinated about sex all the fricken time. Yet, I never acted on it because I was too afraid. Eventually, I was taken out of public school because I was so boy crazy. My parents never taught me anything about sex, it was very hush hush. Most of my friends were getting married at 18, and how I evied them because they were going to get to have sex, how funny the mind of teenager works (especially a JW mind)!

When I left home at 18, (I was later DFd for fornication but not until 3-4 months later), I had a boyfriend. He was very patient. I felt I loved him but I was so afraid of having sex. Anyway, our 1st time was on New Years Eve. It hurt like hell! But, I knew it was going to get better and boy did it ever. He couldn't keep up with me! (Im not bragging, just seeing the memories).

Anyway, through time and experience and gaining confidence, my sex life had been great up until the point that I felt an eventual non-attraction to my 1st husband. I lost all interest in sex with him, it was terrible. We eventually divorced, we have good relationship now, but I felt it was horrible to stay with someone I was not attracted to anymore, I did not want to have sex with him. Poor guy. I later realized, I was not ready for marriage and "till death do us part", a lifelong commited relationship.

Even though I got married later than JW standards (I never married in the troof), I still was not ready. Three years ago, I married a 2nd time. We have been together for 7 years though, my biggest fear for the longest time was that I was going to get "bored" again, so far it hasn't happened. I think sex is a very important part of a relationship. With my 1st marriage, we did not have sex because I was not attracted to my husband anymore (and by the way, there was no one else). I have found this to be the case with alot of woman, their husbands complain that the wife doesn't want to have sex, and I know the real reason, the wife has lost attraction!

Maybe one of the reasons I was so wishy washy was because of my upbringing, or maybe I am genetically made up this way, who knows. All I know is that getting married later in life, getting many things out of my system, has helped me to be more experienced in bed, and has helped me have a stronger relationship that I WANT to work hard at.

I was probably all over the place, sorry***

Nikki

JW restrictions on sex, lead to over hype that made sex disappointing.

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