JW husband very sad (page 3)

No Apologies

Hey MIL

It must be very depressing for married male JW's whose wives leave the WTS to face up to the fact that they may actually have to work at their marriage. After all, the WTS did all the work to keep the wife in subjection to everyone and everything....him, the elders, the congregation. I guess the only way to deal with it now is to whine and moan and be sarcastic and try to lay a big guilt trip on the wife in the hopes that her good nature and habit of keeping the peace will make her throw all of her personal convictions out the window so she can do whats really important....which is to devote her life to making him happy.

You must be from some parallel JW universe where this kind of behavior exists. Cause it sure ain't that way here. It was more of the opposite: my ex-wife constantly used the elders to pressure me into being the "ideal" JW hubby.

The whole wifely subjection thing was a big joke in every congregation I have ever been in. Unless they are complete rednecks, most JWs become embarrassed just uttering that phrase.

No Apologies

My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

No apologies,

You must be from some parallel JW universe where this kind of behavior exists

You mean the all male Governing Body, all male elders, all male CO's and DO's....that parallel universe?

itsallgoodnow

You said you just wanted him to accept your new life... stress free...happy... mutual respect.

All these things would be great and are something to wish for, nothing wrong with that. But sometimes people can't react to our decisions the way we want them to and we just have to figure out a way to live with that. Otherwise, stress and frustration are a daily problem, and you don't want to expose your kids to too much of that or too much fighting. I'm not saying to leave him, just figure out a way to handle him that sets a good example for your kids.

I wouldn't worry about his pouting or depression. He should be able to handle any problems and be happy all the time, isn't that what his religion guarantees to him?

I can't imagine how difficult your situation is. But try to keep a level head and develop a way of looking at the situation that helps you to keep it all in perspective.

I quit!

Tough situation Rebirth. I feel for you and your husband. If you can no longer believe it you can no longer believe it. I don't understand why jw have such a hard time getting the point. You can't force yourself to believe it and would he really want you faking it? As for his depression I would think if it has taken this long to show up there is other reason for it but it is easier to blame you that look into what is bothering him. JWs like everything in neat, easy to explain packages and the packages never include the Watchtower as a source of their problems. I think you are handling your situation pretty good. I really don't know what you can do. You can't force him to start thinking anymore he can force you to believe the WT. I went through this but I didn't have children. If I had children my marriage may have been over because I wouldn't want my kids being raise as dubs. It is too hard on them. Not just going out in field service but also school. Not being able to salute the flag or participate in holiday activities can really mess with their minds. They go through school constantly being embarassed by their religion. A lot of kids have some things that can't do because of their religion but JW kids can't do anything including sports and making friends.

I wish I could offer and easy way to make everything work out I don't think there is one. All I can say is be kind but be yourself and do what is best for your children.

jwfacts

It must be very hard for you so I am sorry to hear what is happening. Hassan in releasing the bonds says that the way to get some one out of a cult is to take it slow and loving, and always assume that the person will eventually leave the cult. More and more people will leave the WTS over time and your husband is likely to be one of them.

You attention should be directed to the kids. Ask simple questions to show them the contradictions in the Watchtower doctrine. At least 2/3 JW kids leave, and I suspect it is even higher where the mother is not a JW, so there is little chance your children will grow up to be JWs. They will be the ones that can get through over time to your husband.

Don't worry about them going witnessing. They will hate it and so ask not to go, or enjoy it, so then there is no real concern if they go. I loved Witnessing, and it trained me in many ways that benefit my life now.

becca1

I feel really bad for you in this tough situation. I get the impression that you love your husband and want to lead a normal happy life with him. So, in my opinion you need to focus on that. Really impress on him that you want a united family. Discourage him from seeking advice from anyone who is negative and speaks badly about you (You know how JW's can be). Try to get him to focus on the here and know and let the future take care of itself. As for FS and the kids, as Pope said you may need to compromise in some way. I really don't think the kids are in any real danger. The once a month thing sounds reasonable to me. Remember, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". I wish you the best, and above all a happy family.

Rebirth

Oh how I wish I was strong enough to keep things in perspective; to look at my life from 10,000 feet. Unfortunately, I've always been extremely "sensitive" to others emotions and attitudes. When I was in my 20's it was so bad that I used to have IBS because of it. Now, I just end up crying a lot and having an extra martini!

The good news is that my girls have a mom who insists that they celebrate birthdays, do all the things their friends in school get to do, and bring them to a very liberal church where they learn about other religions (every other week). They are the reason I ultimately left JWs.

Tonight we curled up in bed together (the girls and I) and talked about Halloween. I asked them if anyone said anything about Halloween tonight at meeting. They said that one person said that Jehovah God hated Halloween. I asked her why a loving God would hate something innocent as dressing up as Cinderella and giving candy to those you love? My oldest agreed and said, "Do you know how the Bible says God is going to kill people? If God is loving why would he kill people?" That opened the door to some ground-breaking dialogue. We are coming along. I am just very protective of them and am really uncomfortable with them having to face angry householders at their young age. If they want to go when they are in their tweens, that is fine, but I'm just not okay with it right now at this developmental stage.

Thanks for all your posts; they have been very helpful.

Best regards,

Rebirth

jwfacts

Rebirth, I would say it sounds like you already have saved your children. When I first stopped going to meetings my daughter came to me crying because her bible study conductor told her I would die at armageddon and not be there with her in paradise. I reasoned on that very point that your daughter noticed; what loving God would kill people just because they were not JWs. Since then I encouraged her to have good friends at school. Then I asked why a loving God would want to kill her friends when they are good children following the religion that their parents told them is true. That really made her think about the WTS and realise it can not be true. That was all within the last 3 years. She is 14 now and hates being taken to the meetings by her grandmother.

sass_my_frass

Hi love, wow that must be horrid.

My idea re the girls: I don't think you should be an 'opposer' - that's exactly what they look for and thrive on, and he'd be telling them that mummy can't know this so we'll keep the field service a secret.... that would give it that nutso legitimacy. Instead, you should 'support' them if he wants to take them out on the preach, just to take that card away, but making it clear that they can certainly go out as long as they really want to, and get the choice to do so themselves, every time they get ready to. Thing is, they're not in any literal harm out there, and it really sucks. They'll soon hate it (especially when they get to school), and if they're truly given the choice themselves and it isn't something that they have to fight mum for, they soon won't want to go.

sass_my_frass

I am just very protective of them and am really uncomfortable with them having to face angry householders at their young age. If they want to go when they are in their tweens, that is fine, but I'm just not okay with it right now at this developmental stage.

I wouldn't worry about that... householders usually aren't rude to kids, they usually feel sorry for them.

JW husband very sad

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