Are Faders "better" than DF'd or DA'd? (page 2)

Finally-Free

Are Faders "better" than DF'd or DA'd?

Some may think so, but no two people have identical circumstances. Elders may harass some more than others. Some may have family in the cult, others not. Some may find it easy to move and fade. Others may feel they should not have to sell their home and leave the neighbourhood they grew up in just because of some fucked up cult. What may be good for one person may not be good for another. What astonishes me is that people here are sometimes criticized for the manner in which they leave the cult, even though those criticizing know little or nothing about them. For me, that reeks of the same sort of uninformed judgementalism that made me hate going to the kingdom hall.

Bottom line - everyone should do what's best for themselves personally, and not feel obligated to explain themselves to anyone. You don't have to explain yourselves to this board any more than you have to explain yourselves to the elders. Neither one has authority in your personal life unless you give it to them.

W

garybuss

I never knew any faders. All my friends were kicked to the curb. I was the only walkaway I knew of. I spent 18 years in purgatory. I only knew one elder who was disfellowshipped who I talked to and I laughed my ass off at his stories of stalking people trying to catch them in sin. He said once the elders rented a motel room in view of another room they thought a meating was going to take place. He said in the excitement, none of the elders paid for the motel room. Hahahaha!!!

Forscher

As another fader I second Lookinglass' motion!

It certainly takes courage in many cases to DA. To stand one's ground, even in the face of DF'ng certainly takes courage as well. But as somebody pointed out, each person's circumstances are different. One can see fading as a form of cowardice, and in some cases it may well be. But that doesn't mean that all do it out of fear. Some just don't see the point in giving those tin-plated little gods, the elders, the satisfaction of reaffirming their "authority." Although that isn't my exact reason for fading, I don't see the point either. I guess I'll just say "to each his own."

Forscher

penny2

I'm a fader. I would never think of myself as superior to anyone else, whether they are df'd, da'd or even still jws. I have many family members who are still jws and I love them - that's why I'm a fader. I consider myself fortunate - I had the opportunity to fade. Others didn't - they still love their families also and for some of them, their life is hell. I hate what the 'organisation' does to families.

penny2

Butters

I suppose I am a fader, although they probably disfellowshiped me after I volunatarily left. I was baptized, but I attended very few meanings the last 3 -4 years before leaving in 96'. The day I left, I literally left, and moved out of the area back to the bayou. I never bothered to arrange contact or told them I was moving, or even let them know of my thoughts. The idea to leave was well preconceived long before any evidence of it surfaced. The lack of attendance should have clued them in, but I showed up at least one Sunday a month, and always dropped 2 or 3 c notes in the box, and that is all this congregation really gives a hoot about.

misspeaches

labels labels labels! as if we didn't have enough of them in the bOrg...

There is one label we all share. We are ex-Jehovahs Witnesses.

We all have been enlightened and follow new paths all heading off in different directions. Yet we meet here together to share the impact its had on our lives now. Not to compare one another as to who is smarter, who has it better, who has it harder etc etc.

Not one person is better than anyone else on this forum.

delilah

I have never felt superior to anyone, in all my life. I've been df'd twice, and reinstated both times. I left, or faded, over 8 years ago. I had enough of the bullshite, and never went back. I vowed to myself, this organization would NEVER hold that kind of power over me again, by dfing me. That's my story.

It was hard for a while, to ward off my mother's "encouragement" to go back to the KH. Then she moved away and we rarely see each other.

I know how I felt, when I was DF'd, so I would never think I was any better than someone in that situation. I would have, and do, have empathy, for those who are unsure of "what do I do now?"," who do I turn to now?"....as they haven't come to the "light" yet.

inactive in jersey

i am a fader for fifteen years now. my mom says it is because i am too weak to da'd. i have no family in so that's not any issue. i don't feel better than the df'd or da'd. i am sure that everyone in the congr. knows that i should be out by now.

ESTEE

misspeaches, you said it all!

Interesting to observe . . . only select groups of people responded. Some were faders and some were disassociated. Lots of women responded. No ex-elders showed themselves. I thought that was interesting. What appears on the thread is as interesting as what is “missing” from the thread. What do you think? Is there a "pecking order" in this forum?

ESTEE

OnTheWayOut

I am starting my fading. I wish I could just DA, but I want to keep a good relationship
with family. If they left, I would DA or let them DF. My freedom will be limited for
many years. I won't be able to go to Apostate gatherings/ meetups unless it's in
secrecy.

I was an elder until very recently. I used to think I was doing better than others at
understanding "the Truth." Now, I know that I was a further tool of hypocrisy. Now
I pity higher-ups for ignorance at the top, or allowing themselves to go along.
I would say the rank and file were better off.

In short, no, faders or elders are not better than DF'd, DA'd, or publishers.
Non-fading elders most often believe they are serving Jah better than publishers.
Most active publishers do feel better than inactive or those that left.

Are Faders "better" than DF'd or DA'd?

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