I was born into a JW family. My father's parents were JW. My mother?s family was a big mix. Baptist, Nederduitse Gereformeerde Kerk, Catholic and Agnostic. The most 'pressure' was from this side of the family.
I was taught that my family that is not JW was going to be destroyed. Well, along with everyone else in the whole wide world. And on top of that some in the congregation is not going to make it either! As a young child it bothered me very much and wanted to save my cousins that I loved so much. I once asked my parents why we still have contact with them if they are going to die. The answers were less than satisfactory. I knew my uncle (a Baptist minister) tried to talk to my mother about it.
I prayed that my 'lost' family be saved and in return I would be a good JW. Saved by proxy you could say. My aunt gave me a birthday gift one year. I was 6. Man I remember how she got grilled by my parents. Then they took my gift away. It was a cowboy outfit, hat, breeches, and two silver revolvers. I would have made a brilliant John Wayne!
The city I grew up in did not have many Afrikaans speaking JW's. In my primary school I was the only one. I stood out like a sore thumb that happened to be painted purple! I did not salute the flag, sing the anthem, any hymns or joined in the religious class. And I had to defend my stand almost every week. The teacher that was responsible for the school music etc must have had a very poor memory, since I told her the same story almost every week. I think she tired of hearing the same thing and eventually left me alone.
In the Apartheid era, when nationalism was a big part of South African life, it was very difficult to be in an Afrikaans school. I was openly criticized by teachers and of course the students. Being bullied at school became so common place I stopped reporting it to my parents. All I would get was the same scripture, "because you do not continue running with them in this course to the same low sink of debauchery, they are puzzled and go on speaking abusively of you" 1 Pet 4:4. See? I still remember it! And of course the regular "Turn the other cheek." Needless to say I struggle to remember one child that remained a friend for longer than a week. I was too much of a freak.
At about this time JW's were not allowed in public schools. Only private schools would take us on. Just before I went to high school the regulations changed to give each individual headmaster the power to choose if JW?s are allowed in his school or not. There was only one Afrikaans public high school in our city that accepted us.
High school was not a walk in the park. However there were more JW's now and we made a 'united' stand. Grand total: 11 JW kids in school with1500 students. And as for speaking to my parents about my concerns about being victimized....... what a joke.
There was a military preparedness program every Thursday for 4 hours. We had to wear brown combat uniform to school and take part in marching drills, basic weapon identification training and such. The girls too. There was shooting practice, with more formal weapon training for some of the older students. As we were not about to wear military clothing on Thursdays or any other day, we stood out once again! But we believed we were making a fine stand.
When I reached grade 11, I started to make non JW friends at school, secretly of course. They were outcasts much like me, and we were drawn into the same group. That is why I hung out with a gay guy, one kid with Tourettes (Spelling?) syndrome and other weirdo's and outcasts.
My father was a MS as long as I can remember, and when I was about 10 he was appointed an Elder. Part of being an elder was to have an exemplary family. I had to be the perfect elder's son, my sister got the same speech. We did as we were told.
I did field service, went to every meeting, never got into the wrong crowd. Even inside the congregation I had to be careful who I associate with. That leaves very few people you can confide in or be friends with. My father was a dominating figure in our house. To say he abused us would be incorrect. But he did not ?spare the rod? mate! In Afrikaans there is a saying, "Hy is nie so gebore nie, hy is so gemoer" (* He was not born like that, he was beaten like that*) I had my share of physical punishment.
I never felt that everything was 100% in 'The Truth'. I wondered about the 1975 disaster. I could not understand how such 'wrong thinking' could happen without the GB knowing about it and fixing it. In our congregation some of the families dropped out in 1976 and 77. They had to get it from somewhere. I was only 9 at the time.
As I grew up, full time service was drummed into my sister and me. Bethel service or pioneering, anything less would reflect badly on my father. My mother was very soft and followed what my father said. She does not step out of line and my father's word is law in that house. That is part of the problem. She never stood up for us, or herself.
Further education was frowned upon, and besides, I had the neutrality issue to deal with. There was conscription for military service in South Africa, 2 years for every white male. At the time objectors would go to Military Detention for 3 Years. I asked my father if it would be ok to go to work at the Fire Department or Ambulance service. You could be excused from military service if you were part of a Government department already. I was told no. You must face the issue head on and 'make a stand'.
The government changed the sentence to 6 years community service instead of 3 years in prison. I then ended up in the Fire Department anyway. Ironic, don't you agree?
I had finished my community service and started to earn a real salary. Luckily I was now a qualified and registered Paramedic and Senior Firefighter. I was in a fire department already, thus employed immediately. During my training as a firefighter it was the first time I was exposed to the 'world'. I saw first hand that when people get together they don't discuss how evil JW's are all the time. The people I worked with knew why I was there, but treated me the same as everyone else. Some of my best friends are amongst the fire fighter I got to know.
With time I started to notice things. An example is an elder that beats his kids senseless giving a talk about loving discipline. One elder who was accused of defrauding another gave a talk on honesty. The fact that education was never an option made me bitter after I got married. I questioned it with my father and he said that the society never said we cannot go to university. That was the first time I argued with my father. Loudly. I was pissed off! I remember how my heart was pounding. I was taking on my father and openly criticizing what the society withheld from me. To hell with the consequences! Our relationship changed that day.
My wife related to me how she reported her father's physical abuse to the elders and nothing was done. Not a call to see if she was ok. Not a word spoken to her father. He was truly an inconsistent and mean bastard. My wife still suffers from the beatings she endured. During a recent discussion, her sister recalled one of these episodes. My wife could not, and can not remember it. She had completely blocked it out. My in laws live in the same town as my parents. My father and mother-in-law are pioneering at the moment.
The next blow-out with my father was about wearing a beard. I was not growing one at the time, and I didn?t want too. I just mentioned it. My father went nuts! I then challenged him to show me where in the bible it says having a beard is wrong. "Did GOD make a mistake by allowing a man to grow a beard"? I yelled. That was not a good day. I knew where that rule came from, however found only one reference where a brother shaved his beard because a householder thought he was a hippy. Mid 60's I think. I told my father that much. It did not go well. The boy stood up and challenged the father's authority. My wife loved that show. Apparently the facial expressions from my mother, sister and brother in law were priceless! I did grow a full beard some time afterwards just to aggravate the issue.
We felt uncomfortable in the congregation we first joined, but we moved to a new town hoping for better. We were hoping to find the love there that we needed. But it was missing here too. Something was not right. One elder told us that we must alter our newborn's feeding times so that my wife does not miss out on the vital information. I was stunned. I said: "You are not well". I turned and walked away. What a bonehead!
Then there was a child molestation case that happened in our congregation. The sister's biological brother walked in on the father (an elder) and his two daughters and blew the whistle on him. The two kids were too young of course. The elders did nothing because there was only one adult witness. They also said that the brother made a false statement in favor of his sister.
The culprit stepped down as an elder, and is still in the congregation. The law believed the children and the statement of the eye witness. He has no rights to his children now and can only see his daughters under supervision. It's been a while but I believe that the two girls still do not want to see him. He now hands out sweets the other children in the congregation. It is truly bizarre.
Needless to say she was ostracized when she stopped going to the meetings. My wife and I did not like what we saw. There was so much gossiping and hypocrisy that it would make for a good soap opera. It would be called: "As The Stomach Turns"
We stopped going to meetings and we were quite happy that we were not bothered by anyone. An elder called us and asked if he and another elder can come see us. We were missed he said. That was 5 years ago. We are still waiting.
About 18 months ago my wife was invited to a Christian ladies weekend again. This was her third invite. Took 3 years to make a decision to see how the 'other side' prays. She was blown away! No chickens were sacrificed. No virgins were mutilated on an alter. No dark chants. She loved it! It made such an impact on her that she glowed for months. She started going to a Methodist church and was amazed at what she saw. It took me a bit longer to go into the 'harlots' lair. I was still feeling guilty about not going to meetings. That guilt trip thing still angers me! How could they still have such power over me after so much time?
Slowly I started to realize that what I was taught about 'false religion' was false! However it took another year to start looking at what was available on the net. Remember there was a talk at an assembly about the dangers of looking for information on the internet? Apostates! The evil! The horror! Stay away! Do not discuss your views in chat rooms! Do not be misled!!!! ?.LOL, such twits!
I was overwhelmed by the information available. I read and read and read. And then I found this forum. I was not alone. There were others with the same feelings and with very similar experiences as my own. I feel relieved to finally be able to speak my mind. Thank you to those who started this forum.
Can you imagine what my old man is going to say if/when I tell him this? My parents and my sister (her husband is an elder too) don't speak to us much anymore. They live 1600 Km away (1000 miles). They know we do not go to meetings. They have no idea we are going to a church. Aaaaarrrghh, Scream! Faint! More screams! Tears! I am so very grateful that lynching is not a popular thing anymore. But there will come a time when I will have to face the family. And that is not going to be pretty.
My wife and I are very happy and we love the freedom to get closer to GOD without interference from persons that we cannot challenge. If I sound bitter, I am not really. I used to be.
Well that is my story. The short version. Thank you for reading this far. I know your eyes are going all squiggly by now.
Good night and good luck.