i need to thank you all for saving myself from me!

crazyblondeb

I just wanted to tell you all how very much I loved each and every one of you. Most of you know the last almost 2 months have been hell for me. From my dad's death, that I found out about on the internet, and was unable to go to having missed alot of work recently due to heart problems and tests. So bills are piling up. Might loose internet and phone for a bit. But that's ok. Plus, I'm fighting with everything I have to keep my addiction at bay. I had gone off my meds for depression and bipolar 7 months ago. You know us nurses, we know more than the docs! (That was a joke!) Plus, I thought I had actually met someone decent. Right off he offered to help me get caught up on bills this month and was gling to work something out with me for a car. WRONG!! Found out he's one of the biggest crack dealers in the area. Knew it was too good to be true.

Last night I lost it. I loaded my 9mm, wrote out some letters. Yes, I had been drinking. But I was tired of fighting. Ended up rereading alot of posts here, and also went to the other site's chatroom. Every one of you helped me. I don't know why I snapped. But it was the love and concern, here and over there that brought me to what little sense I have.

My daughter has my gun, now. She didn't think I needed it away. I'm seeing a doc to get meds monday or tuesday.

My point is, I want all to know the impact they have on a life of someone they don't even know. The post might be several years old, but they are still important. Everyone of us on here has the ability to touch a life, and not know it.

I love you all!

shelley

poppers

Good luck to you Shelley. Keep posting here - you are among friends.

fullofdoubtnow

(((Shelley)))

All the very best to you, and stay with us, we all love you.

Take care

love

Linda

Double Edge

{{{{{ SHELLEY }}}}}} Glad you're here among friends. Remember that there is nothing and I mean NOTHING that you can't overcome or reduce it's "power" over you if you just give it some time and space. It's been posted on this site before, but very meaningful ..... "Sucide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" .... There is no upside in that solution, only a downside. Be good to yourself..... life's a journey...if you don't like the road you're on, change roads.

lot's of love and squeezes...

D.E.

V

You are stronger than this, strong enough to share your strength with us.

Bless you, V

Dansk

Hi Shelley,

Yes, this forum is a great place to come. It's a friend ready to listen at any time, because the forum members are widespread and up and about at different times of the day. So a friend is always available.

When someone posts here, however, we never really know how they are feeling themselves. The cyber world can be pleasant, but outside of that one has to deal with reality - and that can hurt!

I daresay all of us at some time have hit a dark patch and wondered if we'd ever get out of it. I hit such a patch some months back and suicide was a real temptation, but I didn't have access to what I needed. Good job, eh!

Money and relationships can be real beggars at times. Regarding the former, and especially when bills are piling up, it's important to let those you owe money to know the situation you are in, i.e. health-problems, death in the family, etc. A letter is always a good idea because it proves to institutions that you are not ignoring them but that you have a temporary problem that you will fix in due course. Most institutions are sympathetic because they want to get paid, so may make an offer to change your payments. They could tailor them to your present situation. Seriously, many people have benefitted this way - but you MUST keep in touch with them, by letter and/or 'phone.

Also, you can prioritise the most important things. You may have to cut down on expensive meals occasionally and go for something simple but nourishing. Healthy eating is vital. Seek other things to strengthen, not weaken, your budget, too. When you are more able, treat yourself to some pampering, like a relaxing massage and a new hairdo. It's all part of feeling good and this will make you more positive.

Regarding relationships, well, who hasn't been disappointed! It's a real bummer when it goes wrong - and as we all know even marriages of 30 years duration or more have broken down. So, again, you are not alone. I honestly believe when one stops chasing is the time when love comes knocking. Seriously!

Glad you put the gun down and read some posts here. You have also done well in getting rid of your gun. You can't use what isn't there! So, if you think you could relapse into such a deep depression make sure any tablets and alcohol are out of the way, too - and don't play moody music. If you must play music play something bubbly and lively. You may not feel in the mood, but it can help lift the depression.

Better still, get out and visit with positive friends (I keep negative people well away from me).

I'm glad you're seeing your doctor. He can assess your situation and may even recommend counselling. And don't just take his/her advice, but seek other help if you feel you need it, like a therapist. Go for walks, preferably in a large park or the countryside. Eat out with friends. Keep busy doing postive things. Soak up nature. Learn to meditate, relax and give plenty of time to yourself.

This is so true:

Everyone of us on here has the ability to touch a life, and not know it.

You've just touched mine!

Love,

Ian

lawrence

You are in my prayers - may you find good health, peace, joy, and blessings.

candidlynuts

i'm glad you put the gun down too!!

so many of us have been at that point. the dark days are hard and when you pile a bunch of them up together its hard to deal with.but remember this too shall pass.. things will improve. it has for me and i was waaaaaaay down at the bottom of a pile of shit.

i still stink but i'm better LOL hugssssssss hugs

(ps. print some of the posts that helped you so that when you dont have the web you can read and encourage yourself.. hope you dont do without internet very long)

hambeak

Oh Shelly you hang in there girl you sure helped me when I was so depressed. Remember as long as we are alive and as long as there is tomorrow there is hope. So if you need someone to talk to talk to your daughter of call some of us here you are much loved and cared about.

I always enjoy your posts. Don't do anything foolish or I'll come up from Texas and put a Texas boot to your behind lol

Take Care

Love and Hugs

Gary

Gill

(((((((( Shelley )))))))

Hang on in there! Hope that all goes well with the meds next week and you start to feel better again!!!

Big Hugs

Gill

i need to thank you all for saving myself from me!

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