Hello Im new

by beaver_shots 48 Replies latest jw friends

  • beaver_shots


    I didn’t see an introduction topic, forgive me if this is not the forum.

    My name is Kyle. I was born into a JW family in 1981. I spent my child hood not only going to every meeting but also in a home schooling program ran by some of the congregation folks with children. Extremely cut off from the world to say the least. When I reached 8th grade I decided I wanted to go to public school. I felt so cut off and so alone even when I was with my approved jw friends. My devout mother would not approve of the idea of going to school with the "worldly kids" so I took my bike to the Jr.high one day and walked into the office and asked if I could attend classes. I was so scared. I explained my situation the best I could to the vice principle who seemed shocked by the whole thing. Im not sure what took place between my parents and the school but I was enrolled in class soon after.

    Life in 8th grade was hard for some one with almost no social skills to speak of. I was some what charismatic but lacked any self confidence. I also had a very hard time catching up to the rest of the kids scholastically. It seems the home school our little church was running wasn’t doing much for us. I could barley wright.
    I also found out at this time that I was dyslexic. After a rocky 8th grade filled with school yard fights and poor grades I returned from summer vacation and started freshman year of high school. I dont know if it was just the new hair on my balls or what but high school was much better. I made friends I met girls and started to have fun. Around this time is also when I started doing a great deal of reading out side Jw publications. I was interested in science and history. That coupled with music and some open minded friends (I never let on I was a JW to any one till almost Jr. year) made me start to question my parents religion. I had grown apathetic about it even before this but now I was taking issue with some of the teachings and I wanted some answers to the big inconsistencies. I started refusing to go to meetings now and again and felt persecuted by my mother in a huge way. Around this time I met a girl that had moved in from another congregation that I liked very much. I was experianceing Sexual frustration at its peek and was more then a little uncomfortable when the topic of sundays service was masturbation. I started going to all most all the meetings again and she spend most of her free time after the services with me. She said she wanted to go to bethel some day. She seemed smarter then that to me. I was at a cross roads and in hind site it seems so foolish to think that I was considering swallowing the lies over a teen age crush.

    One meeting I was particularly upset by some of the comments made during the watch tower study. I asked to speak with the elders.. any and all of them. I said it was important I had some things I needed to get off my chest. 3 older ones joined me in a back room. They seemed to me at that time like dogs ready to lap up some juicy details and deal out my punishment. I was not in the best standing at the time. The gossip machine had been working me over for a few months now. I said I had doubts and questions. They encouraged me to ask them. I did. They had no answers out side of "do some personal study and have some faith" (I had already done that for quite some time). I was shocked. I dont know why but I was. I became angry, every issue I had with the organization came out. They had no answers for me.

    I never went to another meeting. I started drinking, smoking weed, eating acid, and having sex. It was great! I was about 16. I left home at 17 because that was the choice given to me by my parents. I have been living on my own ever since. Im 25 now I have my own beliefs that dont include a christian god. I dont smoke weed any more or use LSD, haven’t in about 5 years. I will have a beer once in a while. Best of all Im a happy normal person.

    To be honest I hadn’t thought of the Jw time of my life much in years till recently I heard that girl I had liked had been disfellowshiped.. Good for her. Today I searched the internet and stumbled across this site. You know its about time people started speaking out and trying to save kids from a life of ignorance, dejection and low self worth.

    I have been reading others topics here all day and I have to say its good to know there are so many others. Often times I feal singular in my position.


  • BabaYaga

    Welcome, Beaver!

    What an incredible story, I'm amazed you marched into Junior High yourself to get enrolled. You know, my old congregation organized one of those JW co-op "home"schools once, and I have wondered how the heck those kids fared.

    Glad you found the site, and welcome.

  • uninformed

    Welcome beave'-

    You have proven both to be a person of courage and strength and weakness. Hope you find a nice home here on this DB. I like it, seems like there are a lot of people that will have a lot in common with you.

    Good for you for being here.


  • moshe

    Welcome Beaver_shots.
    I am glad to see you are out. I especially liked your trip to enroll in school. Bravo.

  • Twitch


  • kerj2leev



  • beaver_shots

    Thanks, nice to meet you. Im not much of a forum troll. Ill probly be mostly just reading. It feels good to find people that understand. I have plenty of friends but you know some one that has not been there just cant understand. My heart gose out to every one still traped includeing my mother. Part of me wishes I could open her eyes but on the other hand I dont know if would want to take something from her that is such a big part of her life. My sister is still there too. I feel like they are lost in a dream land some where out of touch with reality.


  • jwfacts

    Welcome Kyle, great to hear your story.

    I hope you find JWD helps to solve any of those lingering questions you have about your past. There are so many people here that have had their lives affected by the Org and it never quite leaves you, it is always part of who you are. What to do with family is always a tough one. It is terrible to see them being manipulated in 'dreamland', but often trying to change their minds just ends up ruining your relationship and making them more entrenched in their fantasies.

  • beaver_shots

    Yes, my choice so far has been to simply let them be. Though recently it seems my mother has been trying to re-open the topic that I thought we agreed to let die. She called me to invite me to an assembly and said "you mite learn something if you come" I replied "there is a big difference between not knowing and not believing" she cried for 10 mins. This kind of behavior is what hurts me. I can deal with her choices. Its the constant guilt trips that come my way that make it hard. Some times I feal I should just stop talking to her. We didnt speak for 3 or so years after I left home on bad terms. Any one have any luck geting devout family out of there?


  • crazyblondeb

    Welcome to the board!! There are some success stories of some getting their families out. I'm blessed as all of my sibling are out!!

    You said you'd probably read more than post, that's ok. Just do what makes you comfortable. But know that we would like to hear from you. We're also here if you need a shoulder, or just need to rant.

    blessed be-shelley

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