Hello,
I didn’t see an introduction topic, forgive me if this is not the forum.
My name is Kyle. I was born into a JW family in 1981. I spent my child hood not only going to every meeting but also in a home schooling program ran by some of the congregation folks with children. Extremely cut off from the world to say the least. When I reached 8th grade I decided I wanted to go to public school. I felt so cut off and so alone even when I was with my approved jw friends. My devout mother would not approve of the idea of going to school with the "worldly kids" so I took my bike to the Jr.high one day and walked into the office and asked if I could attend classes. I was so scared. I explained my situation the best I could to the vice principle who seemed shocked by the whole thing. Im not sure what took place between my parents and the school but I was enrolled in class soon after.
Life in 8th grade was hard for some one with almost no social skills to speak of. I was some what charismatic but lacked any self confidence. I also had a very hard time catching up to the rest of the kids scholastically. It seems the home school our little church was running wasn’t doing much for us. I could barley wright.
I also found out at this time that I was dyslexic. After a rocky 8th grade filled with school yard fights and poor grades I returned from summer vacation and started freshman year of high school. I dont know if it was just the new hair on my balls or what but high school was much better. I made friends I met girls and started to have fun. Around this time is also when I started doing a great deal of reading out side Jw publications. I was interested in science and history. That coupled with music and some open minded friends (I never let on I was a JW to any one till almost Jr. year) made me start to question my parents religion. I had grown apathetic about it even before this but now I was taking issue with some of the teachings and I wanted some answers to the big inconsistencies. I started refusing to go to meetings now and again and felt persecuted by my mother in a huge way. Around this time I met a girl that had moved in from another congregation that I liked very much. I was experianceing Sexual frustration at its peek and was more then a little uncomfortable when the topic of sundays service was masturbation. I started going to all most all the meetings again and she spend most of her free time after the services with me. She said she wanted to go to bethel some day. She seemed smarter then that to me. I was at a cross roads and in hind site it seems so foolish to think that I was considering swallowing the lies over a teen age crush.
One meeting I was particularly upset by some of the comments made during the watch tower study. I asked to speak with the elders.. any and all of them. I said it was important I had some things I needed to get off my chest. 3 older ones joined me in a back room. They seemed to me at that time like dogs ready to lap up some juicy details and deal out my punishment. I was not in the best standing at the time. The gossip machine had been working me over for a few months now. I said I had doubts and questions. They encouraged me to ask them. I did. They had no answers out side of "do some personal study and have some faith" (I had already done that for quite some time). I was shocked. I dont know why but I was. I became angry, every issue I had with the organization came out. They had no answers for me.
I never went to another meeting. I started drinking, smoking weed, eating acid, and having sex. It was great! I was about 16. I left home at 17 because that was the choice given to me by my parents. I have been living on my own ever since. Im 25 now I have my own beliefs that dont include a christian god. I dont smoke weed any more or use LSD, haven’t in about 5 years. I will have a beer once in a while. Best of all Im a happy normal person.
To be honest I hadn’t thought of the Jw time of my life much in years till recently I heard that girl I had liked had been disfellowshiped.. Good for her. Today I searched the internet and stumbled across this site. You know its about time people started speaking out and trying to save kids from a life of ignorance, dejection and low self worth.
I have been reading others topics here all day and I have to say its good to know there are so many others. Often times I feal singular in my position.
kyle-