feeling blah - angry at the cult...

by EyesOpened 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • apostawriter

    Dear Eyes Opened,

    Thanks for sharing so much of that. I share a lot of that anger, and while not all of it is gone (I have yet to forgive my family for bringing me up in the Borg), I dealt with a lot of the rage in my novel Tattoo This Madness In. You can read more about it / buy it here: www.DFmeNOW.blogspot.com.

    I'm not sure when my anger will subside, but finding this and other forums like this helps a lot. In a word-community.

    Daniel www.dfmenow.blogspot.com

  • Mulan
    "Belief in the future is perhaps the most important value for a free society. It is what makes so many interested in getting an education, or investing in a project, or even being nice to their nighbours. If we think that nothing can improve or if we think the world is coming to an end, we don't work hard for a better and more civilised future. And we will all be miserable."

    Wow! That is a great quote.

    At least you got out at a fairly early age. I was 50 when we left, and had raised four children in it. Try to focus on the positive aspects of being out and don't dwell too much on what you've lost. You can't get it back, so just live a great life and go forward.

  • EyesOpened

    hello friends,

    I agree wholeheartedly with your comments... moving forward my goal is to replace the past with new experiences, new ideas, new beliefs. Currently, I am spending time confirming the erroroneous doctrines of JWs, proofs that support what most of you already know - that Jerusalem wasn't destroyed in 607 BCE thus rendering the foundation of the 1914 structure valueless. That the blood issue was the brain child of the GB, that neutrality is relative (UN, Malawi, Mexico...), that the "ministry" is a sham - busy work to keep the drones occupied, that the pharisaic structure of the organization is committed to controling every aspect of the R&F's lives... etc etc...

  • jwfacts

    Welcome Eyes, very interesting comments, and I hope you find the way to move on.

    I can offer you no answer because after more than a year I am still struggling to come to terms with the incredible ingnorance of my intelligent family, and finding it very hard to move on and clear from my mind all the Watchtower propoganda.

    Your experience is very familiar. Many on this board seem to have parents that entered during the pre 1975 hype. The children are now in their 30's and 40's and leaving, resentful of the wasted life, and even more resentful at the mind numbing dumbing of their parents. It certainly applies to me.

  • earthtone

    EyesOpened, it soo okay to vent. I mean honestly where else would you go? This place has been a haven for myself. My mother sounds like a mixture of both your parents. My brother never really took to the Truth because he had to chose between my dad and the organization. He was very rebelious and without real guidance ended up in jail. And all my mom says, "Is Woe is me" or " He was nothing like you "- translation: He would never do what he was told, when I told him( i.e. follow the borg's outline for his life).. I don't even have the heart to tell her it's mostly her fault. She just mentally washed her hands of him, since he wouldn't do things the borg's way,. She did not spend any real quality time with him, Too many meeting and days out in field service. Whatever It's amazing how narrow minded and short-sighted JW's really are. But you never see it when your "in".

    For myself.. I just faded and like you most of my so called friends (only had a few) never really called after a few months, of not seeing me. Where's all the love that Jehovah's organization is suppose to be known for! Thinking back I'm really glad that most are too busy preparing for field service or meetings to care about the one's who have already heard "the call" from Jehovah and keep up with me.

    I'm glad you found this site. I'm still healing in a way. I'm reading many books about JW's as I can. It helps me to realize I made the right decision. I'm glad you've already made friends, this is very helpful. Just try not to let bitterness over take you. You want to be free to live life and not think aobut what you missed in the past. Or your still letting them keep a hold on you. I look forward to reading your post!

    P.S. Why are you and your wife still divorcing, now that you are getting along better than before? Ever thought about counseling? You've been married for 20 years!

  • sspo

    Remember in the organization there are not just window washer, we have many intelligent brothers and sisters just like your father.

    Intelligence has nothing to do with it.

    We were all taken for a ride because the jw's had answers that none of the other religions had.

    Why wickedness? paradise earth and many more, it sounded good.

    31 years for me and still in it due to circumstances.

  • Asheron

    Welcome Brother. Let the free thinking begin.

    Dont let the anger win but by all means let it have a place. It will fade and be replaced by calm eventually.

  • candidlynuts
    Entire generations of JW's now that have no desires, no real tangible goals - what a waste!

    eeek that sounds like me !

    in therapy the doc asked me what did i want to do with my life when i was younger.. i had NO ANSWER.. i didnt want to pioneer..i didnt want to get married (although i did at 19)..i HAD no desires or goals. just get thru today and hope the END came tommorow.

    i'm 41 (and from your area eyesopen..we probably know some of the same peeps)

    anyway.i'm 41 and STILL have problems setting goals or articulating any desires for the future. i still dont SEE a future.

    welcome and thanks for your posts

  • sass_my_frass

    Hey EO, I remember you (very distinctive avatar!).

    We were so young - we didn't know each other, we didn't know ourselves... I hung on faithfully for 2 decades... not knowing myself... not even really knowing what love was, because the Watchtower didn't tell me... long story short, we get along better now than ever before - she actually has become inactive and rarely attends meetings - if only I was honest years ago, things may have been different... but the cult makes you put on a veneer and a "happy face" and you can't even be honest to yourself much less your spouse about how you really feel - don't want to cause trouble... the cult makes you weak and fearful... don't want people to think you are spiritually weak or have them gossip...

    Wow You're so right. I didn't let it happen to me, I had the chance to marry very young and pioneer in poverty but it seemed like a bad idea at the time. Still, even after that it took fifteen years to get out. Recently I listed all the good opportunities I'd passed up, to get out with a lot of support. We could all do a lot of that, there are so many what-could-have-beens that it can become a depressant.

    Here's the thing; you've finally realised, seen through it, and started to grab life. People who do this in their eighties are still grateful that they get the light shining in on their life at some point. You have learned so much and have such great opportunities now.

    You've got to write down everything you think for a while, because it can become so complex and overwhelming you might start thinking you can't cope. I spun myself up for a year until I started getting it on paper when I read an article about working through things like this. I'd write down the things that were troubling me, a big list. When I'd said everything, I'd then counter each of them with an alternative thought, or a different perspective on it; a better way of seeing it. If a new one came to mind, I'd add it, and then counter it. It turned out that it wasn't an infinite amount of problems, it was actually less than 80! :D And each of them had an upside. It helps in so many ways; to know that these things won't be able to overwhelm me, and that I have the strength, talent, imagination, support from friends; everything it takes to deal with them all.

    Keep it together.

  • EyesOpened

    hi Earthtone...

    Her dad was the PO of her cong, my dad was PO of my cong - so we all hung in the same circles... in fact, this is so wierd... her dad went to college with my dad - and if you remember my earlier post - how in the world could 2 smart guys be duped into this cult... (LIGHT BULB!!!)

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