Fear and Loathing in - Surrey

by Crumpet 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Crumpet

    I don't know if its coming down from the impossible high of the aposta bbq weekend or just hormones but I feel horrible today. All last night I tossed and turned unable to sleep - I felt like I was going through a series of hallucinations rather than dreams. I kept hearing voices - really sharp right up in my ear. I heard my grandma who died some years ago and her magpie laugh and my grandad's gravelly response. I kept trying to tell them they were dead but they ignored me. Felt like I'm going mad.

    So this morning I got dressed sadly for work and turned and said to my "partner" - 'I just feel like walking under a train today'. We both knew I probably wouldn't. But was I the only one who knew that I just desperately wanted a hug, some human kindness - nothing expensive, no words, just physical reassurance.

    Maybe I just got to spoilt for hugs at the weekend and now feel the lack of them more greatly.

    Anyway I hope I didn't make anyone depressed - it'll go away, it usually does. I'm probably just feeling too sorry for myself and not counting myself lucky just to have a roof and a job and food on the table.

  • Mystery


  • Dansk

    Hi Crumpet,

    Life sucks at times, doesn't it! I know what you mean about feeling so uplifted, as we did at the BBQ because it was so great, but now we come down to earth with a bump when we get back into normality!

    There are moves afoot to hold an apostafest in the northwest soon, I believe. Hope so, as that would gives us another boost

    Here's a cyber hug (((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))


  • Crumpet

    Thanks guys and thank you nelly for the PM - you have one in return!

    Dansk I would love to see you and physio again oop north some time later in the year.

    And I feel better for having let it all out here rather than trying to bottle all of it until hometime - me and no sleep are a lethal cocktail.

    And one of the secretaries at work just wolf whistled me and said I look radiant - that cheered me up - but how weird is it that looks can be so deceiving since I feel anything but!

  • GermanXJW

    Sorry to hear that Crumpet. :-(

    I am in a similar mode. Usually, there is light at the end of the tunnel.


    I think everybody has those feelings once in a while....you're probably right on about feeling that way after the BBQ!

    Here's a cyber-hug----Hope you feel better!!!


  • greendawn

    Hi Crumpet it can happen occasionally, why doesn't your boyfriend give you plenty of hugs?

    At times feeling low can be due to nutritional deficiencies, are you eating a nice variety of food? I know because now I am on a weight loss diet and if I don't take my multivitamin/multimineral pills I drop to very low energy levels.

  • Crumpet

    (((GermanExJW))) - glad in a way that I'm not the only one - sorry it has to be you, but then again after those hideous pics you posted of me maybe its Karma! Just kidding!

    Funny I never felt anything but relief when the final session of the District Conventions was over!

    I never asked but do you have German Apostafests that you go to at all? I did see someone called Ivy Walker posting yesterday that there was a German Ex Jw forum ...

  • cyberdyne systems 101
    cyberdyne systems 101

    Hey Crumpet (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))),

    I hear what your saying I get feelings like that and feel starved of physical contact, you feel that low that you wonder whats the point. I think you've done the right thing and spoken up about it. Communication for me is one of the biggest helps to get through our feelings. Its true you have many things to be greatful for and that can help get some perspective regarding our own problems. But the reality is we do get down - whether we're stinking rich and have loads of friends and family round us, or we live in poverty, wondering where our next meal comes from, or somewhere in the middle. Its only what we get down about that changes. And you know its ok to be down, as long as you don't sink down too far it can be good cause it makes you appreciate the high's even more! The thing is people do see things in us that we cant always see, I for one found you very helpful with the BBQ arrangements and you made me laugh with your witty comments - now to have the power to make someone laugh...well what better thing can you do?

    Take care

    CS 101 x

  • diamondblue1974

    I so know how you feel.

    For days things have been really flat but I am gradually getting myself back to normal; the BBQ was an absolute highlight of the year for me and was built up to such an extent that the return home afterwards was an anticlimax.

    Had a fantastic time though and really looking forward to the next one.

    Crumpet keep smiling matey!


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