I don't know if its coming down from the impossible high of the aposta bbq weekend or just hormones but I feel horrible today. All last night I tossed and turned unable to sleep - I felt like I was going through a series of hallucinations rather than dreams. I kept hearing voices - really sharp right up in my ear. I heard my grandma who died some years ago and her magpie laugh and my grandad's gravelly response. I kept trying to tell them they were dead but they ignored me. Felt like I'm going mad.
So this morning I got dressed sadly for work and turned and said to my "partner" - 'I just feel like walking under a train today'. We both knew I probably wouldn't. But was I the only one who knew that I just desperately wanted a hug, some human kindness - nothing expensive, no words, just physical reassurance.
Maybe I just got to spoilt for hugs at the weekend and now feel the lack of them more greatly.
Anyway I hope I didn't make anyone depressed - it'll go away, it usually does. I'm probably just feeling too sorry for myself and not counting myself lucky just to have a roof and a job and food on the table.