Aspirin causes heart diseases.
Stomach ulcers maybe, but not heart disease.
X-Rays will harm your future grandchildren
Maybe if you're x-raying your gonads.
Ultraviolet rays are good for you.
Well they are good for you in small amounts for the production of vitamin D in the skin, but you only need about 15 minutes a day.
Appendicitis is caused by worms and is cured by eating peppermint.
You know how much worms hate peppermint!
All diseases are intestinal.
Heart disease is intestinal?
Chewing gum decreases saliva
No, it increases it, triggering the stomach to expect food.
Psychiatry is unnecessary and leads to sin; psychologists are stupid monkeys.
And the elders are much better qualified to deal with depressed people anyway, except maybe the depression they've caused.