Sorry, need to moan and belly ache

by Elsewhere 53 Replies latest jw friends

  • sass_my_frass

    No I'm right there with you, I'm socially incompetent too. There's a gift, and I don't got it. I'm only married because my socially incompetent husband was able to recognise the signs and doesn't mind. :D

  • Brigid


    I'm so glad your girlie emailed you back with a special "thanks" at the end (it's so funny how such a little tiny thing can make your day).

    I'm sure you're feeling much better now, but I was reading your experiences in Jr. High and had to let you know that you're not alone. Grade school was hell for me. There are probably about 5 of you here that know my real name (it is truly aweful and I got made fun of--alot. hint, it rhymes with Grody). Then there were the freckles, the glasses, being a JW--it just all wrapped up into one freakish little package. I was made fun of mercilessly. The worst cut down you could give any guy in our school was to call him my boyfriend. Then there was the cooty spray---aah yes, you couldn't occupy any space where I'd been without spraying it with cooty spray first. But hey, at least I had my nice loving non-abusive JW family to go home to and take comfort in---NOT!! LOL!!! I learned a lot about myself, though and luckily I "blossomed" and moved by Jr. High. Life has been much better for me.

    Love and Light,


  • daystar

    It's hard to see you as such a target, D.

    I mean, I was a big huge target in Jr. High. And we can usually recognize each other, right?

  • itsallgoodnow

    Hi Else!

    I was thinking about something I read about how popular people actually think differently than others. In social situations, they have a positive view of themselves, even when rejected. They tend to think the rejection was not about them personally, but about the other person. Or they don't see it as a rejection at all, but more like the person had something else they needed to do. As a result, the popular person doesn't just give up there, but will ask again later.

    But when people have a negative view of themselves, they expect rejection and when they get it, it reinforces the negative view of themselves.

    Plus, if you come across as someone who is really hard on themselves, others might pick up on that and think you are really hard on everyone.

    It's just a social situation a lot of "raised as JWs" have trouble with, not having had a chance to start dating during normal developing stages as teenagers. Don't beat yourself up over it.

    As far as conversational awkwardness, we all have that from time to time. The easiest way to deal with that is what everyone else said, show some interest in others. Remember what they said to you last time, without seeming creepy (ie asking about how a trip was 2 years ago when you saw her last). Lots of times, I feel so self centered when I forget to ask someone how their specific weekend plans went. I totally forgot about what they were so excited about and they tend to think I'm just a selfish bitch. Which I probably am. But when I watch other people, I notice they remember specifics about what someone was doing and they ask about it, which carries lots of conversations. Mostly, I think you just need to relax and other people will be relaxed talking to you.

    Good luck with it! I probably will forget to ask you how this is going because I will have completely forgotten all about it in about 2 days. Sorry in advance.

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