Sorry, need to moan and belly ache

by Elsewhere 53 Replies latest jw friends

  • mouthy

    Mouthy, you are such a wonderful person ! Still young in your heart ! I wish that all elderly people could be like you !

    Genesis!!!!!!! You made this day for me. What a wonderful thing to say.... I dont know what prompted you to say that, but I LIKED it alot I am a real grabber of" love bombing...." & from a 19 year old looks like I am inheriting some great, grandkids( you) talk about Jobess!!Old Job got a lot more after he lost all his from now on I will call myself" JOBESS"

  • LDH

    Silent (Doug)

    Even though Else started the thread, I have to address your comments first. OK, if you were technically dx'd with Aspergers, who am I to say you don't have it, but knock it off with that "i'm not cute stuff~~" even though we (my sister and I) are 10-15 years older than you and your brother, we *always* loved you two guys like little brothers. We used to say, "They're so cute!" <This is true.>

    Else, *you* my dear sir are full of shit. You are a charmer. Your sense of humor alone is enough to attract someone. If your strength is 'communicating online' then I recommend using an online service like or something similar which will allow your strengths to shine. That way, you'll have a much better chance at having a love connection than at these random potlucks.


    Matchmaker to the Stars Class

  • moanzy

    You sound really self-conscious about your ability to socialize. Something I did as an experiement is just go and observe people socializing and just watched the exchanges.

    Something I figured out is that it's not all one-sided. Some of us who are aware that we find it difficult to socialize don't realize that there are many people out there that make it absolutely hard to socialize with them.

    This realization made whole lot of difference in my expectations when approaching a person. I've found more awesome people than I ever have before and the ones that turned away or pre-judged or whatever probably were not the kind of people I would want in company anyway.

    Hope this is helpful


  • Odrade

    Geez Else. You ARE TOO cute, plus interesting and intelligent. If I were single, I'd go out with you in a heart-beat. Girls like me, like guys like you because we talk so damn much someone has to be the "quiet" one. Just ask my husband.
    Yup, he works in tech, he has a couple of friends, mainly because he's not exactly a *ahem* social butterfly. His quiet is often mistaken for a self-esteem issue, when really, it's just that he doesn't have anything to add to the conversation. (Probably because I already said it.) But he is cool and smart.
    Let me tell you about our first date: Um... well, I asked him out. Yeah. Because he had good manners, and I was tired of dating a bunch of tools who wouldn't hold the door open for me, or say "please," "thank you," and "excuse me." Anyways, I knew him socially very slightly, but I needed a lift somewhere and called him. He couldn't leave work at that time, and called me to apologize. I told him no problem, and said I was hungry and was he hungry... if so, meet me at *gag* Red Robin. (I HATE that place, but it was close by, and LOUD.) He showed up, no joke, with a newspaper, and... wait for it... jokes. Yes, dear Else, I found out later that he had gone online and looked up JOKES to tell me so he'd have something to say just in case we needed an ice-breaker. He also stopped and bought a newspaper in case we needed another subject to discuss.
    Luckily, he didn't need the jokes or the newspaper. HA! 'Cause I talked his ear off. Then we went down to the animation festival and watched Pib and Pog. (My idea, cause funny stuff on a first date is good... except for jokes off the internet. Bad. Unless they're funny.)
    So... I guess what I'm saying is that being "socially handicapped," may not be as much of a handicap as you think. Okay, maybe my story didn't exactly make that point. LOL! but the kind of woman you want is the kind of woman who actually appreciates a quieter guy like you, so just make yourself available by suffering through the social gatherings, even if it kills you :) , and watch out for psycho-chicks. Daytime gatherings are better because then the married women are there looking for nice guys to set up with their single friends. Start schmoozing the moms and marrieds, and leave the rest to the married women's uncontrollable desire to introduce their friends to the guys they already like.

  • Warlock


    I used to be afraid of standing in a bank line, let alone doing what you do. At least you are making contact with people. The three things that did help me were:

    1. Believe it or not, the door to door work. It helped me to not be afraid to talk to strangers.

    2. A lot of reading about different subjects and current events, so I could talk to anyone about almost anything.

    3. Asking people questions and REALLY listening to their answers. People just love talking about themselves and they love it even more when you really listen to them.

    Hope this helps.


  • damselfly

    I was going to email you but I don't have your contact info (is your site down again?)

    You've basically just described my social life (or lack thereof). Social situations are extremely painful for me. I will agonize for days over what to wear because I don't want to stand out but yet don't want to be underdressed. Once I do get there (late~ to cut down on the amount of awkward conversation I will be forced to have) I will only talk to people that I have known for years, even then if there is someone in the group that I don't know I am mute and just observe what is going on. If alcohol is present it's generally a given that I will drink to much in an effort to make myself feel better about being there. I could go for days without talking to anybody. My "friends" (who I do not keep in touch with enough) are gregarious and outgoing people that reached out to me in an effort to become friendly.

    I don't really have any advice for you because I'm the same way but the others seemed to know what they were talking about.

    hugs & kisses, wish I could help more (((((Else))))


  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods


    When I first found this site you were one of the first posters that I read and found you so interesting that I have always kept my eyes opened for both your name and your avatar. You have always stood out because you are interesting, kind have a way of adding flavor to any conversation that you join.

    Any woman would be glad to chat with you over coffee or a drink.

    Don't you change a thing!!


  • misanthropic
    I've seen you and you are rather cute. You are very intelligent too. This is a winning combination.


    Definitely. I would have never thought you weren't Mr. Suave when it comes to pickin up the ladies. It must be your confidence. From what I've read in the responses all the women agree you are quite the catch.

  • daystar

    I feel like this frequently enough. But it's gotten much, much better over the years. (Though I still choked when surrounded by a houseful of ex-JWs. )

    The only advice I can give is this:

    • Over-analyzation is your enemy.
    • Don't treat each encounter as if it will be your last ever. (A common enough theme in many an ex-JW's life.)
    • If it doesn't flow more or less naturally, don't fret about it. But also understand that there will be people with whom conversation will just flow naturally. I think those are the ones you should really look for.

    Good luck brother!

    daystar (of the socially "special" class)

  • Nosferatu

    I could touch on so many of your points Elsewhere, but that would take a lot of time. Here, try this out. It'll give you a kickstart on social interaction. Remember, you have to do the work to get any results:

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