Sorry, need to moan and belly ache

by Elsewhere 53 Replies latest jw friends

  • mouthy

    I'll be able to open her eyes to the possibility that some people are happy and at peace with no higher power

    Oh my sweetie. You have no self confidence!! your funny in your posting, so when you are trying to make a "contact" say something funny right off the bat...I am ALWAYS talking to strangers...( Mouthy) Usually saying something funny right off the bat, like I fell one day & people rushed to pick me up I said "Oh drunk again" !! Or when I am going to a party & not many seemed to be chatting I would say "Where is the deceased?"Gets a laugh!!!...As for your quote above!!! Sounds like that "aint" really true!!! So may be she is praying for you & the fact you can love us & share your feelings with us Her prayer may be working

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))From Gran

  • cruzanheart

    No wonder Little Toe likes visiting the U.S. so much! And here I thought he was a Bush supporter.

    Elsewhere, there is NOTHING wrong with you. I don't think you have Asperger's, I just think you're a little shy around girls because you want very much to be liked and you feel a little self-conscious. For what it's worth, when I was single I would have been delighted if you'd asked me out on a date. And I probably would have mumbled a "yes" or said something stupid, because I was very awkward about that sort of thing. When I met Chris and we started talking, it was a common subject that broke the ice and got rid of the feelings of being self-conscious. But believe me, for years before that I had the same problem as you. I figured that what I had working against me was the fact that my parents were very formidable, I still lived at home, and I was [cough, cough] rather direct when I spoke, which is not attractive to a lot of Southern men. Fortunately, Chris wasn't scared of my parents, HE still lived at home, and he wanted someone Yankee blunt. Good thing . . .

    And I need to tell you that there is someone who thinks you are EXTREMELY cute but unfortunately she's not available. However, she always asks about you when she calls me, so don't ever think you haven't got a mojo working, because you do!



  • Genesis

    Mouthy, you are such a wonderful person ! Still young in your heart ! I wish that all elderly people could be like you !


    ps: Elsewhere you have a PM

  • greendawn

    You did well to express these feelings, can't you hook up with another friend or two and go out together to attract some girls? That makes things much easier.

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    Hey Elsie!

    That's a good thing to bitch or moan about. At least you aren't saying something like: "Well, I went up to this chick at this party, and she must be blind or something! How could she be so stupid? I am hot, smart, and she'd be lucky to shine my shoes!" heheheh. Elsie.. part of your charm is your shyness!

    I just have two things to say:

    1. People love to talk about themselves. Well, unless you meet another person who wants to let YOU talk about yourself, then it can get silent! <LOL> Asking questions of people, and meeting them eye to eye, and offering honest-to-goodness compliments (that they know are true) are good ways to make friends. When you meet someone, let them know you are engaged with them for the moment. If you like people, and appreciate that everyone on Earth has something good to offer, something good to learn, you will be much more comfortable, and so will they! People like to talk about themselves, and they like to talk to, and engage, with someone that seems interested in them. They also like follow-up. Remember people's names, and use their names a LOT in conversation with them. I *love* it when a person at a restaurant calls me by my name. That's a sweet sound and often results in a bigger tip for them! This is not a big farce, by any means. We can all learn a lot from people of different cultures, persuasions, religions, etc. We don't have to agree with it by any means, but it's nice to just listen and be listened to.

    2. Take the opportunity that you've been offered at parties and social occasions to just chat with anyone near you. They might not be your future date or mate, but they might KNOW someone. In other words: network socially! Don't look upon each opportunity as a place to find a mate, or even a date. Look on it as an opportunity to make friends with someone who may enrich your life and make your experience even better. Every person you meet is someone who could be a friend, a partner, or just an acquaintance. Be genuine, looking at each meeting as a possible friend. This will make people (women AND men) feel more comfortable around you, and you will find the results amazing. Just be interested in people, and they will be interested in you.


  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?

    Elsewhere, I think a very big part of this has to do with the JW upbringing. We are discouraged from being social people. We are not involved in social activities growing up. We only associate with those who are like us, setting ourselves up to come across as judgmental, etc. Then others perceive us as distant and judgmental because we are taught to deem them as "bad association" and their reactions to us condition us to believe that we are socially awkward. And then we are. (My personal opinion on the matter, of course, for whatever it's worth.)

    Anyway, I think everyone has given really great advice and ideas. I just wanted to share a couple of things that have worked wonders for me personally.

    1) First of all, one of my best friends (who himself faded from the JW's several years ago and saw in me the potential of thinking outside of the WTBTS - it was a rocky road and hard on our friendship at times but he did it for me, not for him, and I am eternally grateful that he cared that much to help me see the truth) gave me a personal assignment once months ago to help improve my self confidence. He called it the ROCK STAR MENTALITY. We are taught our whole lives (if raised JW) that we are "good-for-nothing slaves" and "what we do is what we ought to have done" and "not to think more of ourselves than is necessary." Rock Star Mentality is not about being full of yourself. It's about recognizing how kickass of a person you truly are. And by everyone's posts on this thread alone it's obvious, Else, that YOU ARE KICKASS. :-D (And by that I mean super duper cool.)

    So here's how ROCK STAR MENTALITY essentially works: (I was going to try and summarize it myself but I think it's worded much better by my friend so I found the email from him and posted it here; this is tried-and-true stuff. If you think it sounds silly, JUST TRY IT. I guarantee it!)

    “Walk around one full waking day,

    with your chin up,

    and chest up,

    so that you have proper posture,

    and keep in your mind


    Not in the traditional musical sense,

    just in the self-esteem sense.

    Not in an over-exaggerated tone,

    like you are trying to convince yourself of it.

    Just matter-of-factly.

    Like you are a super-star.

    Like you are an undercover super-hero.

    Like you are a true champion.

    Keep a focus on this

    anytime a thought pops up

    of a self-conscious / self-aware nature.

    When you find yourself,

    being conscious of yourself,

    good or bad,

    just calmly and coolly remind yourself (even with a small smirk on your face) that:


    Let me know how that FEELS for just one day,

    you pick when.

    (Remember the posture part, its critical.)

    Again, I want to know how that FEELS for you,

    just for one special day.”

    Now, Elsewhere, I had so much fun doing this that I started doing it everyday. I worked at the same job before I started thinking this way and after I started thinking this way. Pretty soon I'm in the kitchen at work getting coffee and I'm getting asked out. I'm thinking to myself, "isn't this the same kitchen I visit everyday, the same people, the same me?" But no, it wasn't the same me. My self-confidence naturally projected itself to others and suddenly they noticed that I'm someone they want to know.

    2) The second thing that works really well for me in striking up conversations with strangers is just to smile and make eye contact with someone. If they respond to it, say hi. Then let it go from there. If they look away, it's their loss. No harm done. Most likely they will be thinking to themselves, 'why'd I do that?' Seriously. I know I myself have thought that when someone tried to smile at me and I nervously looked away and then just walked away feeling dumb. So it's not you, it's them. Seriously. But back to if someone does respond to your friendly smile: you are usually both at the same place because of something you have in common so you can talk about that. Ask questions of course, saying something as simple as this works: "Wow, isn't it a beautiful day today? Hopefully you will get to enjoy it rather than be cooped up inside... [wait for response]". For me, it's much easier to just seek out friendly faces and say hi rather than think up some witty thing to say. Once the conversation gets rolling you will find that witty things will just pop into your brain. Because you've already established that they are interested, so you can feel comfortable in your setting. That's probably why it's so easy to post witty comments on JWD, because you feel comfortable in your setting.

    Anyway, those are things that work for me. And I just wanted to share. Best of luck. I'm sure you are a WONDERFUL person.

    Social Girl

  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?

    P.S. I learned to [wait for responses] because of the door-to-door work, OF COURSE. :-P

    Not Interested in Converting Just Knowing Girl

  • BlackSwan of Memphis
    BlackSwan of Memphis

    Wow, elsewhere, I am really surprised.

    I have always thought of you as outgoing and funny. I never would have guessed this. I am not so good online, but am able to strike up those conversations. And you know, alot of times when I do, I am absolutely nervous that the other person I'm talking with is going to think I'm crazy. So all those people you think are just so great at doing this whole conversation thing, alot of times, they're just as nervous as everyone else. It's just that when I get nervous, I chatter.

    Don't know why you're getting the deer in the headlights look, that is really surprising.

    Just remember something:

    You don't want to be with just anyone. You want to be with a woman that you love to be with. And you will find her and she will find you. The greatest love of your life could be just around the corner.

    I'll pray for you...


  • codeblue


    We are driving down the road, NOdenial driving and me reading your topic to him.

    WE do not feel you are shy. We found you to be a very social guy at the crawfest and one we enjoyed talking to.

    I think what another poster just said is true: as JW's we were discouraged from being social, even within the JW world. We certainly were not to socialize at all with "worldly tm" people.

    I encourage you to read Dr. Phil's new book about dating successfully. I bought it for my friend who is going thru a divorce and read it before I gave it to is worth the read.

    you are getting a pm now!

  • AuldSoul
    Back to my main point of all of this... I still have such a hard time understanding how most people seem to be so good at social interaction. It always seems so natural for them... so easy. People interact in a way that makes it look as easy as "breathing" while I'm in the corner having an "asthma attack".

    You are right, in a way. Humans are generally gregarious beings. They are "breathing" in that it comes natural to a large portion of people. Good thing, too. That helps make sure the species continues to exist.

    I think JWs are made to be incredibly self-conscious about how the people perceive them. Focusing on how you are being taken will produce a social "asthma attack" just like the real one that can be induced or worsened if, when short of breath, you become overly concerned about your shortness of breath.

    In forums and chat room you are protected by anonimity, so you don't care so much how you are taken. You relax and the social animal that you are can comfortably show itself. That should be a comfort to you, it proves that if you can overcome the fear of how others perceive you then you will be reasonably effective at socializing. Maybe you could try what worked for me: When in social settings I would frequently remind myself, "I may never see these people again and they don't know me at all. Why does it matter what they think of me?" It wasn't strictly true in every situation, but it did help me overcome my anxiety in social settings.


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