Sorry, need to moan and belly ache (page 2)

averyniceguy

You could meet new people by taking sign language classes. It is worth a try! I have been teaching America Sign Language part time for 8 years. I have taught plenty of very attractive female students.

Jourles

Beer. Drink more beer. That always opens up the communication lines.

Mulan

Do you think you have a slight case of Asperger's syndrome? I've been diagnosed with a mild case myself. I think that plus the social hobbling of being raised a JW plus being overweight most of my life has done me in.

My son is like that too, (not overweight.........very handsome) but he found a girl in college and is now married and just had their first baby. She has Aspberger's too! They are an interesting match. They don't have any friends. But she has 3 sisters and he has a sister and two brothers, and parents who love them. I find my daughter in law very difficult to talk to..............she has a "know it all" personality, but she is very, very smart. She doesn't seem to understand that most people are just not interested in what she talks about, and she talks all the time. Aspberger's people often can't read facial signals that the rest of us find easy to interpret. She can't keep a job, to save her life, and is educated and a medical lab tech. She seems to rub everyone the wrong way............but our son loves her to pieces.

Chin up..............keep trying. There are lots of girls out there. I think you are on to something reading the book you are. You might go to a book store and ask about books on dating. I know there is one specifically for you, but I can't bring the title up in my head.

luna2

I have a friend who is the most accomplished flirt I've ever seen. She charms everyone and has no trouble whatsoever meeting people, entertaining them, and then becoming either fast friends or lovers...if she wants to. I am in awe of her. Unfortunately, I can't duplicate what she does. Of course, I don't get a lot of practice either. Online is definitely easier for me too. lol

I have noticed that she is genuinely interested in whatever person she's talking to (both men and women)...she asks questions about them and appears to really want to hear what they have to say. So, that idea about asking women about themselves is probably a good one. Being able to really listen is important. You'd be surprised how many people are so focused on what they are going to say, that they don't really pay attention to the other person they are conversing with.

You are young, smart and attractive....at least that's how I think of you. Now you just got to convince yourself.

(((Elsewhere)))

MsMcDucket

People interact in a way that makes it look as easy as "breathing" while I'm in the corner having an "asthma attack".

Elsewhere, your online personality is "so cute". I'm sure that you make a lot of women on here swoon. Cut out that nonconfidence stuff! Do what you do here. Gosh! I think the world of you! I don't know if that means anything to you? But, I'm sure that if you give yourself a chance, you'll get more conversation than a T-Mobile operator!

EC

I am a social person and can get along with virtually anyone, it is definatly not always easy.....I will suggest some great reads that I really like: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnage and What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmsletter

Big Tex

I want to echo some of what others had to say Else. The best way to converse is to ask questions and get the other person to talk about themselves or about their subjects. It shows an interest and people respond to interest. I've never gotten a deer-in-the-headlights feel around you, and I've never gotten the feeling that others feel that way about you either.

When I met Nina we didn't say much to each other. We met out in service like good little pioneers. Oh I thought she looked really good in that dress she was wearing (especially from the back!), but she didn't really open up to me until we broke for lunch. I made some remark about English history and she affixed me with that Nina-look and asked me who I thought murdered the two princes. Never heard of them. (WTF! ) Instead I said, "That's an interesting question. What do you think?" 25 years later here we are.

You're a good guy. Don't worry about what women want, be yourself, relax, keep putting yourself out there and you'll find someone. I think the idea of meeting up with others who share your interests is a good one.

Chris

serendipity

HI elsewhere,

I agree with the others. Luna summed most my thoughts up perfectly:

I have noticed that she is genuinely interested in whatever person she's talking to (both men and women)...she asks questions about them and appears to really want to hear what they have to say. So, that idea about asking women about themselves is probably a good one. Being able to really listen is important. You'd be surprised how many people are so focused on what they are going to say, that they don't really pay attention to the other person they are conversing with.
You are young, smart and attractive....at least that's how I think of you.

There are other books on 'how to make chit chat' etc. Also, I've seen 'leisure learning' classes in the Dallas area on "how to flirt". Maybe that's something you can look into.

You might also consider match.com or even e-harmony. The initial contacts are by email, something you feel comfortable with. You can also indicate your atheism in your profile, so women who want Christians, etc. wouldn't even contact you, avoiding problems down the line.

Since I've worked with techie men for many years, I'll list a few things that bother me about them. My 'ex' is a techie too.

1. Techies frequently "know it all" and/or are opinionated. They will correct others over minor or nit picky items. This isn't the way to endear oneself to the opposite sex.

2. They can be rational/analytical rather than empathetic at the wrong times: If a woman is telling you about how someone done her wrong, the appropriate response is "wow you must be mad (upset)" or "He's a jerk!" Analyzing the situation and telling her how she contributed is not a good idea, unless she's ask for feedback.

3. Techies frequently "tell" rather than ask questions. Questions open the way for a dialogue, rather than a lecture.

Jim_TX

Else,

I can feel for ya. Been there... done that. It ain't fun.

All I can say is ditto what most others have been saying. Hang in there.

The best advice I can think of is to just be yourself. Don't take yourself - or any situation - too seriously. Laugh at yourself first, if you do something that is goofy (which I invariably do when either trying to 'impress' someone).

Also - aim a bit different... like... ummm... Well... I find it easier to strike up conversations with 'non-threatening' people... older people perhaps... younger kiddos... whatever. Get into conversations with them... laughing, etc. You may find that the ones that you are trying to attract will naturally gravitate to the 'fun' crowd - which is where you are.

Always 'practice' being conversational - whether it's with the waitress (or waiter) or the person in front of you at the store checking out. This is always good, and helps you to get the experience you may need having conversations 'on the spot'.

I never miss an opportunity to try to mke someones' day... by acting goofy... waving madly at someone, or just saying 'hi'. The malls are good places to practice this, as there are always the small shops where the poor lonely gal is left to try to sell the unsellable product, and is bored out of her mind. I rarely go into the shop, just walk past and wave madly. They will usually break out in laughter - which is the goal.

It makes one less 'threatening', and puts them in a 'sheilds down' position (so to speak). If I wanted to - I could go into the shop and then talk to them, talking about their day - etc.

I guess the keyword - or approach - is to practice practice practice... the more you do, the better you get, until it is just a natural thing to be yourself and talking to someone new will be an easy thing to do.

Good Luck.

Regards,

Jim TX

LittleToe

Chris:

I've never gotten a deer-in-the-headlights feel around you, and I've never gotten the feeling that others feel that way about you either.

He obviously never hit on ya

I can just imagine that exchange between Nina and yourself. It captures the essence of the pair of you

Else:

Too often we overthink it, let a lack of self-confidence get in the way, panic, and bottle out. Conversation takes two people, and if each have a reasonable range of interests and a similar sense of humour then there's little reason for it to dry up completely. Of course it's easier in a group setting, rather than one-to-one, as you don't have to be 100% engaged and engaging all the time.

Oh, and it helps if you ahve a really cool accent that noone understands. That way you can talk all day about absolute twaddle and noone cares

Sorry, need to moan and belly ache

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