I have two cats. I've had them for 7+ years.
The older one was a second-hand cat. When my ex got him, he had a scab on his face from being bitten by a dog. She felt so sorry for him and cuddled him (even though he hated it). We soon discovered that asshole cat probably deserved to be bitten. He isn't afraid of dogs, and has fun picking on them.
Rotten bastard had the bad habit of going on the table and counters. I worked at putting an end to it. Instead, he learned not to get caught.
The worst was when he figured out how to open the fridge door and help himself to whatever he wanted. I'd come home and find a package of ham laying on the floor with the corner nibbled on. The biggest surprise was when he had pulled the entire pot of left-over Thanxgiving turkey out of the fridge - UNSPILLED.
I used to hide catnip in the freezer until he got in there too. I came home and found catnip all over the floor, and two cats with very dialated pupils.
...and don't get me started on the family of rabbits he killed! He was the neighbourhood bully, and beat up any cat that came close to him.
The funniest thing about this cat is his sleeping positions. He'll sleep on his back, legs spread wide open, and you'd wonder if he was dead.
Now, onto his lover. She was an abandoned kitten when I got her. Ironically, she's the same color as him - black. She was the first, and only cat that the older one got along with. Probably because she wasn't fixed (although he was). She'd scream like hell when those two were having sex.
There was one time when he wanted some action, but she didn't. He tried mounting her, but she wouldn't co-operate. So, he picked her up by the scruff of her neck, and dragged her into the other room. I never knew cats had a sex life until that point.
I remember when my ex and I were finished having sex, we came out of the room to find her ripping apart a maxi pad! I don't get it, it was a brand new maxi pad. I think cats know more than we think.
I had bought a stuffed toy for my ex when she was having a bad day. It was frequently stolen from the bedroom, and we found little miss kitty getting some action from it!
Anyway, that was in their prime. They're much older now and have calmed down.... some. They hate each other's guts now since I got the female fixed. They fight like an old married couple. Perhaps they copied my parents, since they did live with them for a while.