This is kind of a sensitive subject for me, but I had to get it off my chest. When I was eighteen my father died suddenly of a heart attack, and I started drifting from depression. I wasn't doing anything wrong, I was just in shock and started really questioning my beliefs. To make a long story short, the elders hauled me into the B school and told me they noticed that I hadn't been as active. I was pretty much silent on the matter, obviously depressed, and then one of them asked "you want to see your father again don't you?" That really got the wheels turning in my head. How the hell does an eighteen year old kid reply to that? What kind of blackmail is that to keep someone in "the truth"? Recently my neice tragically died being hit by a car crossing the street, and it just brought back a flood of memories. My mother would never get close with her (she is worldly and going to be destroyed after all). But I suppose now that my dear little niece is gone she gets a free ticket into the new system, thus making it ok for my mom to grieve over such an incredible little girl who she never took the time to get to know (unlike her witness grandchildren who are constantly showered in gifts). What really bugs me is that my she uses that same elder mentality. Like she has an "oppurtunity" or an "in" because of this tragedy to Witness to my sister (who has been out for twenty plus years and is such an amazing person and mom). It makes me sick and it really hurts. Sorry to be a downer. Something triggered it in my head today and I had to let it out. Thanks.