Should I make a stink about this or not?

by merfi 43 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  merfi

  I've been working at the same hospital since 1991. A JW chick is hired this past January. The hospital friends have been and are my support system as well as my 'team'.

  A nurse friend played stupid last week and talked to the JW girl. The JW asked her what religion she was. She said agnostic b/c she sees so much hypocrisy blah blah in religions, then she told her that a friend of hers (me, but didn't say who) went thru a really tough time, and when needed support the most, the church wasn't there. And that that was mean an un-Christian. JW asked nurse what religion she (me) was? She told her JW, so she figured out it was me. So then it came about that the JW said that "there are ways of returning, changes needed to be made to be welcomed back". In the conversation, it was brought out that I was DF... nurse asked "why??" (knowing that I'd DA'd). The JW said, lowering her voice, "fornication...." aarrrggghhh, friggin GGGGRRRRR!!!!! She then gave the info that I'd "fornicated" with another JW, and "yeah, we know who" (JW chick again).

  So, I've been slandered... yes? First of all, I DA'd, I was NOT DF'd (although close, and yeah, they woulda DFd me had I not DAd, but technicalities ). The "official" reason I am "no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses" is because I CHOSE not to be, not because the damn cult kicked me out. So, the JW chick is lying.. speculating based on bits and pieces, then saying it is, in my book, slander (esp when it's applied to me! lol). And, to be now labeled as a "fornicator" to my friends and workmates... even if it is by a half-crocked JW dipshit... makes me just mad. All my work buddies pretty much know my story and are non-judgemental. The word "fornicator" doesn't strike fear and judgement into them, it probably just makes the JW look like a self-righteous beeatch that she is.

  And really, this isn't that big of a deal to me as I know who my friends are... but this gives me an opportunity to poke a stick at my shunners, if even a small one. And that's why I can't quite decide if I want to do this or not -- worth my time?

  What I'd like to do is write her a note (a real one, not work email), saying something along the lines of "slander in the workplace" "first and last warning before legal action can and will be taken" as well as re-emphasizing that I am indeed DA, not DF and a short synopsis of WHY I DA.

  I may let myself calm down a bit before deciding what to do... but in the meantime, all input welcome, be it "don't bother" or ideas of what to put in the note.

  Thanks apostafriends.
  ~merfi
• 

  mrsjones5

  
  I vote for 'don't bother' for now. The jw showed who she really is and got played by your coworker. I have a feeling that this will be sport for your coworkers maybe for a while and then they will get bored. If they already know the real story, who cares what the silly jw says. But if she continues I think you have the right to take it to whoever her boss is or to your HR department.

  Josie
• 

  serendipity

  Hi Merfi,

  I think a letter is a good idea. I don't think you need to explain why you da'd. If you can throw in the official hospital policy that covers this type of thing, it will add weight to the letter and let's her know you are serious. Get a copy of the policy to attach to the letter.
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  freedomlover

  *The word "fornicator" doesn't strike fear and judgement into them, it probably just makes the JW look like a self-righteous beeatch that she is.*
  
  
  BINGO!
  
  I think if you can calm down and let it slide then just let her hang herself with her own self righteous rope soon enough.
  
  
  But arrrghhh......yes, I know the seething hatred of the ignorant commentors and their comments.
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  >>then just let her hang herself with her own self righteous rope soon enough.

  Yeah, agreed, and nicely put. JW's are their own worst enemies.

  I've regretted more things that I've said, than things I've left unsaid in my life. If you have to ask yourself, "Should I say this?" then you probably are better off letting it go unsaid.

  Of course you could also say, "I just wanted to correct one minor detail; it was demonism, not fornication" and then watch her reaction! Oughta be priceless. Offer her a dead hamster -- sans organs -- as a "peace offering"!

  Dave
• 

  juni

  Merfi -

  I agree w/Josie and freedomlover. Let it lay. Beat on a pillow or ? And let her snottiness and loss of friends be her reward.

  If it continues on then I'd go further. Employers want their employees to get along. If she won't be a team player then hopefully she'll get canned.

  Juni
• 

  juni

  Now that IS sound advice, Dave! lol

  juni
• 

  jwfacts

  I'd write the letter, but keep it brief and sweet.

  I'd just say that you'd rather she didn't tell people you are a fornicator because you are not. The reason you are no longer one of JWs is because you d/A yourself after doing research and finding out that the Watchtower Society is a High Control Group that does not teach truth, and you can never return to such a group.

  That way it clears up a misunderstanding, and will let her know to talk to you if she ever has questions. The more that people hear JWs are choosing to d/a instead of being d/f the more they will have to wonder what the reasons are. It is too easy for JWs to label every d/f person as evil and lacking self control.
• 

  Joe Grundy

  Thoughts from a not-and-never-have-been-a JW (so I suppose I'm not an apostate in JW terms, just an ordinary satanic and worldly person):

  My first thought was to ignore it, especially as (if I got the right impression from your post) your friends and colleagues know what she said to be a load of crap, as to do anything at all might just keep it all dragging along.

  On further reflection, though, I think it may be worth taking some action because sometimes issues such as these can be very destructive in the workplace and you don't want to have to spend your time correcting false information being spread about you. Also, I get the impression that sometimes JWs are not very capable of rational thoughts and actions but can be good at presenting a (false) 'reasonable and concerned' persona.

  My suggestion would be this. Prepare a brief note of what happened containing the details of what was said by the JW and to whom. Prepare a short (written) note to the JW saying something like 'It has come to my notice that you have told untruths about my personal life to my colleagues. Please do not do this again.'

  Speak to your boss/manager. Explain what has happened. Give your boss the brief note and a copy of your note to the JW. Tell him/her that you hope that your request to the JW will end this problem and that you don't want any action taken unless it happens again. Ask him/her to keep the notes on file.

  Hopefully, your note to the JW will put a stop to this. If it does, you have solved the problem, shown yourself to be reasonable and non-confrontational - but not a doormat. If it doesn't and further action has to be taken, the fact that you have ensured that what has happened is on file, and that you have tried in a reasonable way to deal with the issue, will make it easier for any more formal action to succeed.

  Or you could write to the Jerry Springer show and pull her hair out on TV ....

  Good luck.
• 

  parakeet

  Another possibility might be to go to your and/or her supervisor(s) and tell them about the slander. He/she/they might be concerned to know that an employee is spreading malicious gossip about you, which could damage you and the morale of your office. Maybe they will tell her to shut up.
  The effectiveness of this tactic depends on what kind of boss you have (you are the best judge of that). I would not let the matter lie, as it will only encourage her to talk more and further injure your reputation.