Why do so many show such anger towards JW who post here? What might help?

by Lady Lee 58 Replies latest jw friends

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  Lady Lee

  Why do so many of us show such antagonism towards JW who post here?

  We know they won't listen. We know how it feels to have religion forced upon us.

  • Do you have an intense need to try to get them to see the light?
  • Are you trying to tell them what you would like to say to your family and friends?
  • Is this an opportunity to let the JWs as a whole know how badly they hurt you?
  • Is this just a mob mentality? Whenever you see one JW post their beliefs ten people have to pile in and all pull in different directions.
  • Do you have an intense need to join in?

  I see it happen repeatedly. With so many throwing questions at the JWs there is no way the person has a chance to really answer anything.

  If a family member of yours showed up here, and you didn't know who he or she was, what do you think this would be the best approach to help that person?

  A while back when we had the chatroom I used it a couple of times to really discuss topics on a one-to-one basis. It is a lot more effective. At least it made them think about what we were saying. Another time I started a discussion with a JW and asked everyone to sit back and see what happened. Well the JW bailed. But I and a few others thought it was a lot more helpful and constructive. I think doing the one on one can also help all of us learn things we can later try on our family and friends.

  No one approach is going to work with everyone. So people taking turns going one on one with someone can give us a wider range of tools we can use.

  What do you think would help the most?
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  gumby

  
  Good thread Ladylee.

  I was one of those who were offended when I came here as a believer. One of my first threads here was.." christians are treated no different than the dubs here".

  I think MANY of us forget where WE came from and how we felt when we first exited........and assume newbies or lurking witnesses should understand anger...but the fact is, they do not (especially very new ones). Oftentimes it's very hard for many not to express their anger as anger manytimes overides good reasoning abilities. Gumby
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  mavie

  Thanks LL,

  As someone who is still attending somewhat regularly, I come to this board in the hope of reasonable discussion. I understand some have gone through difficult, horrendous, painful times in the past and may need to get some frustration out. However, I think it's important for all, JW or not, to be respectful when posting here. Negativity turns people off. I made that mistake with my second post.
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  blondie

  Of course, we have to be sure they are not just "pulling our chain" but we can be respectful in responding after all other people read our responses too........lurkers.

  Blondie (in memory of Sword of Jah and happyman)
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  itsallgoodnow

  I can't speak for anyone else, but when I suspect someone is just having a little fun with us, it's different. And that's what happens on discussion boards. 9 times out of 10 relentless flamers like JW are just doing it for their own entertainment. I mean, if you really feel a certain way about something, why go to your "opposition's" discussion board unless you mean to cause an uproar?
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  undercover

  A sincere JW could come here and raise our ire just by being a JW, because they really believe that they are special and that we're lost souls. They may not mean to come across as judgemental or mean-spirited but their general way of thinking prevents them from being much different.

  Having escaped that attitude and way of thinking, it can trigger something in us. Something that rises up and challenges their holier-than-thou attitude. I'm not saying it's right. It's a defense mechanism of some kind. We sense trouble or danger, we strike back quickly to try protect ourselves.

  I've been guilty of jumping the gun and lashing out at a JW poster who really may have not been trying to yank our chain but because of his indoctrination may have not known any other way to address the board. I tend to ignore those threads for the most part, at least until their true colors show. If they're sincere in their questions, it'll show soon enough. If they're trolls, that's even more apparent after a few posts.
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  BizzyBee

  • • Do you have an intense need to try to get them to see the light?
    • Are you trying to tell them what you would like to say to your family and friends?
    • Is this an opportunity to let the JWs as a whole know how badly they hurt you?
    • Is this just a mob mentality? Whenever you see one JW post their beliefs ten people have to pile in and all pull in different directions.
    • Do you have an intense need to join in?

    Lady Lee,

  You raise a question that I have thought about and realized cannot be answered definitively. All of the possibilities you identify above are certainly true for different individuals. That it is an intense experience to leave the JW's is inarguable. Generally, there is no formal, structured "exit program" that allows for desensitization, including expressing one's hurt and anger. Some come to this forum to do it, because they have no place else to go.

  Apologists who come here are usually confrontational and antagonistic. It goes with the territory. They are going to be responded to in myriad ways depending on the individual poster's agenda, as per your list above. I would guess that your agenda is the first one - ? To help JW's who come here to get out? Personally, I think that is fine, even though I don't share that view. Otherwise my blood pressure would be sky high - the responsibility would be crushing! I understand completely how upsetting it would be when other posters step all over that agenda and alienate the JW. But if you come from the persepective that the apologists who show up here are a certain breed - usually a little wacky to be here in the first place - you realize that they are not likely to get de-programmed here.

  I really believe that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Those sincerely looking for answers to their questions already have doubts and will find a variety of support that will appeal to their particular needs. For me, humor is very helpful in deflating the emotional ties that are usually more persistent than the intellectual ones. So that is more often my approach to apologists. Those with sincere doubts get a different response.
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  Big Tex

  One of the most underrated and intelligent posters I ever ran across, hillary_step, said repeatedly that leaving this sect is often not pretty.

  It is human nature to feel anger at discovering you were betrayed, lied to, had family and friends stripped away and/or told repeatedly what a 'bad' person you are or that God hates you. So from that standpoint it is understandable when re-experiencing old attitutdes, platitudes, phrases and judgments, anger would boil and an overreaction take place. The wounds, for many, are too new and fresh. I remember when I first left, I'd rip the magazines in half, or throw books across the room when they were shoved in my face. I was not very pleasant to be around, as Nina can tell you.

  In time, of course, the wounds can heal and the anger subsides. Not everyone recovers and some allow the anger to turn to bitterness.

  I had an interesting conversation with jw (although I was guilty of being preachy as usual). I am uncomfortable with throwing out the word 'troll' as it reminds me too much of being labeled myself once. When conversing with an active Witness, there are certain atttitudes and behaviors that will, sooner or later, come into play. When we were in that sect, we behaved similarly.

  But shouldn't the point of a conversation be more about an exchange of ideas rather than a grudge match to "prove" who is right and who is wrong?

  Interesting thread LL.

  Chris
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  mrsjones5

  If someone comes to the board and is respectful whether they are a jw or not then I see no reason to show hate towards the person. But if someone comes here only to flame, harass, and troll on the board I see nothing wrong in letting the person know they've stepped out of line. Maybe there are kinder and gentler ways to do this.

  Josie
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  NewYork44M

  I remember when I was initially questioning my beliefs. I would many times post what appeared to be a pro-jw comment. In reality my goal was to articulate what I was taught my whole life so that hopefully an intelligent person could explain the faults in my reasoning. Some times the results were positive. However, many times I received very negative responses from very angry posters. The process was very frustrating and quite discouraging.

  From person experience the moral of the story is: A poster may know what they write is faulty. However, the goal of the discussion is not to argue. Rather, the poster may genuinely want explained why the reasoning is faulty.