Another Newbie :)

by merfi 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods


    I promise you that you have found peace at last. This is the most loving and understanding place I have ever found in my life.

    I will pray that you are able to make the best choices and be happy.

    Hugs to you and your three children.


  • MerryMagdalene

    I can't believe I was so spellbound by your post and the replies to it that I forgot to say hello and welcome the first time I clicked. So I'm back--
    You'll like it here


  • merfi

    Sorry for the length of that intro post, but glad you guys made it through. I'm not even going to tell you that it is not normal, because it is. My other online board (parents of July 97 kids) gives me a bad time about my novels...

    I found this board by doing a google for x-jw and variations of that. This one kept popping up, and I noticed that the posting was pretty lively compared to other places I checked out. I've been reading for hours today (going to make for a looonnng blurry night of work tonight!). It feels pretty darn good to find myself among kindreds. You guys aren't the demon-possessed, angry and hateful mob that JWs teach that you (and now "we" wooo hooo!) are. I think there is more love and support outside the org than in. At least, that's what I've found in the years I've been fighting with the elders for my dignity. My "worldly" friends and family were all there for me during the divorce BS moreso than my congregation 'friends'.

    I do sort of miss a couple people in my old cong, but when I think of the friends I had there, I know that they aren't/weren't true friends. I could never be myself around any of them for fear of being thought of as 'spiritually weak' for any little dumb thing. I'm a very non-judgemental person; it was hard to be so judged... I never quite fit their 'mold' and I think they never quite understood that. I think it threatened them somewhat, too. The elders have problems with independent, non-submissive, fix-my-own-damn-washing machine before I settle in with a Coors Light and a football game females. I just read Scully's post about the Elder spotting -- fits to a T and I can't wait to have the opportunity to imitate it. It's true that when their power is taken away even in our own minds, they are nothing... they no longer have any hold on me. Just regular humans.

    I think there's going to be a few more of these ramblings before I get this all out.

  • bikerchic

    Welcome to JWD Rachel and please ramble on it's cathartic!

    I feel like a butterfly that just came out of the coccoon. I'm not really sure of who I am right now, but know who I'm not. :)

    Butterflies are free!

    altEnjoy your new found freedom!

  • jwfacts

    Welcome, that was just an awesome read. It takes a long time to recover from WTS abuse, but I just want to say never look back. It is all up from here.

    I hope that you can show your children that it is wrong. They are still young enough not to be too badly affected. You will need to do some research to help your 12yo by the sounds of it.

  • Sparkplug

    Welcome Merfi!

  • sass_my_frass

    Hi hon, great BIG WELCOME!!! Reading your post was like reading a diary entry (with the exception of the kids and the divorce)... but your reasons for fighting to stay were exactly mine, and I'm finding that it's just about the same with everybody here.

    I can also relate to the 'I wasn't fired I quit!' feeling, because I was disfellowshipped after going through an agonising JC and expressing my regrets and begging for forgiveness, but very quickly I wish I'd just told them to get the hell out of my life. The effects on my parents were mostly what was influencing me to keep fighting for reinstatement, but not anymore; they're grown-ups and their happiness is not my problem.

    I feel that they had made their decision to DF me the day I called the PO to "do the right thing" and confess everything

    Yes, sadly they just have to follow the rule book. You can't just keep saying you're repentant, you have to prove it by getting caught at being imperfect no more than once.

    Okay you've got some rough times ahead, but you can count on people who have been through the same thing to support you when you need it. People I've met here have been my lifeline, I hope we can help you too.

    much love

  • zanex

    Merfi: welcome to this little corner of insanity that seems to become rather clear the longer you look at it. I havent posted a welcome in some time but welcome to the board..I found a sense of community that had been taken away from me long gets easier. Rambling helps though and it wasnt so hard getting through your story...there were details I didnt really have to read specifically. SMILE! Anyhow enjoy freedom...there is a real light at the end of the JW tunnel...funny its on the way


  • deeskis

    ((((rachael)))), thanks for sharing, and welcome.

    it's the lack of compassion that makes me sick. Those people judged and disbelieved you in your hour of need.


    glad to have you here


  • Frog

    Hi merfi!

    So, that is my story. I feel like a butterfly that just came out of the coccoon.

    I remember that feeling very well! Like you were really free & seeing the facts for the first time, isn't it just so liberating :)))

    Having said that though, it sounds like you're still got a fair bit of work ahead of yourself. But you're right though you can finally stop believing and being told that you're morally defunct or unworthy of love, because that's a total load of tripe. You sound like a lovely woman with a great deal of insight into yourself, so I've no doubt you will come out of this with great new wings. Don't beat yourself up babe about regrets or any of that jazz, the important thing is that you're at where you are now and moving forward. It's a hell of flippin coaster, but you're off the worst part of it now, and just have to get back your land legs.

    Much love & hugs to you & your kids. Hope we see you around here often. xxooxx frog

Share this