Big Love: Polygamy Loves Company

by rebel8 47 Replies latest social entertainment

  • undercover

    I've enjoyed the first couple of episodes. Well, I say I enjoy it, but some of it creates anxiety. Some of the parallels are almost scary.

    I don't know if the show will be a big hit among the average HBO watcher, but anyone who has escaped a high control group or cult would have to be intrigued by how Bill will handle the cult tactics of his family and the prophet back at the compound. You can see him struggling with wanting to break away from them, but still feeling guilty about not being a part of it more.

    I'm hoping that it can open some dialogue with some of my family as certain situations arise in the show that can be tied into some of the things we have had to endure, though maybe not in such a dramatic way. It is television afterall.

    Sundays are back on HBO. Two episodes of Entourage, The Sopranos and Big Love.

  • undercover
    I've seen clusters of JWs living as neighbors very often (edited to add, especially near a Kingdom Hall).

    When they first showed the compound on the show, I thought to myself, "at least we didn't have to live like that". But upon reflection, while JWs aren't required to live in compounds and give all worldly possesions to the church, they willingly plan their living arrangements to be close to the hall and other JWs. And they spy on each other. They watch who's coming and going from their neighbor JWs all the time.

    One parallel between the show's compound and a JW family I knew in the midwest was interesting. This family were all JWs. One old man, the patriarch of the family, you could say, owned a bunch of land and he built a group of houses all together. Each house was rented to a different daughter (four or five of them) and their husbands for a ridiculous amount of like $10. In turn though, he was the lord master of the entire family; husbands, children and all. All family decisions had to be run by him. The husbands had no real authority in their own house. Every thing was run by the old man. He came and went through the houses as he saw fit. They were his afterall, ya know.

    With the families living so close to each other, they kept very close tabs on each other. They ate a lot of meals together and shared almost everything. No one knocked when entering someone else's house. They would spy on each other and question why someone was leaving their house at odd times. They would report to the old man any suspicious activity, like non-JW kids playing with neices and nephews or one of the husbands coming in late at night.

    It was all very cult like. Even then, when I was a loyal dub, I got the creeps being around them.

  • jaredg
    Oh wow really! I'm curious as to the reason why your interested in getting another wife. Is it because of sex,companionship,or raising children?? I would let my husband have another wife too,IF we could find another wife that we both agree on.We've also had many discussions on this issue recently. It's hard enough finding ONE good mate let alone two! I (and hubby) would like to do it for family reasons.We've had 5 childern and life can get a bit crazy at times and it would be really nice to have another person around to help out.And I also would like to have a friend around that would be more like a family member.Especially since ALL my family and JW friends have told me they will have nothing to do with me unless I go back to the meetings(their all a bunch of brats!).But anyway,the sex part I know my hubby would LOVE,LOL! But that wouldn't be our main reason for doing something like that. I'd definatly be willing to share my husband if I could get some help with raising the kids/household duties and getting a break here and there to be free to go do a few fun things too, instead of being the one that always stays to care for the kids.And if we had another "wife" to help out I could continue to have childern and it would be far easier.And she could have a few too,if she wanted.

    Does this other wife you have picked out know about what your thinking,how did you ask? What did she think of it?

    HOLY SHIT! I can't imagine taking care of 2 chicks and a bunch of brats. Your husband must make BANK! On the flip side...consistent threesomes WOULD ROCK!!

  • FlyingHighNow

    Morwen, you didn't say how you would feel about the sex part. Are you bisexual and also interested in sex with her? Or do you like the idea of watching them or listening to them? Do you have no interest in the sexual issues?

    I once read about a couple who decided to get a live-in girlfriend for themselves. They all agreed that no one wanted kids. Then the girlfriend ended up pregnant. The wife was devastated. Suddenly the loyalty shifted from her to the girlfriend and the baby, who also belonged to the husband. The wife was scared, depressed and feeling very foolish for ever having entered such an arrangement. She was posting on a message board, begging for help and advice.

    If adults want to practice polymory, that's their business. But they do need to think of the effect it will have on any children raised in such an arrangement. Read sometime the accounts of children born to hippie communes, who grew up having no idea who their own fathers were. Some had severe identity crises as adults. Many wish they'd just had a normal nuclear family with their own home, yard, etc. and their own set of parents.

  • Swan


    So you noticed that too, huh? I have noticed it in more than one congregation, but thought maybe it was a local custom. I wonder how widespread this really is, and if it can be considered as a cult behavior. It certainly forces everyone to conform, or they will be reported by their loving neighbors.


  • rebel8

    Swan & undercover, I was thinking the same things!

    I have also seen the pseudo-compounds where there are clusters of JWs. I call it a "mental commune" because even if you don't live with and work with other JWs, you are supposed to isolate yourself from non-members and concentrate your thoughts on JW stuff. I remember being instructed to bring my Bible and WTs to high school to read during lunch, and to constantly "meditate" about the WT teachings at every waking moment.

    I was instructed to leave the decision for the three of them to work out.

    That is surprising. I remember the Old Testament scriptures listing rules about which brother gets the wife when the husband dies etc. I'm surprised the WT didn't make a rule about which wife was considered the "real" wife. Even in their rule system, the first one was the "real wife" and the other was just a mistress.

    It was very cruel and many of us felt uneasy at the time about dominating a native culture that way .. but hey armageddon was comming ..wasn't it?

    Typical....the WT is very dominating when it comes to American culture.

  • morwen


    Like I stated in my earlier post, I would consider the plural wives thing only for family reasons not for sex.If sex was the issue, then why not forget about polygamy and having children & instead swing? Tit for tat. Nope,I'm not bi. And honestly,if I wanted to get off on 'watching and hearing' people knock'n boots I'd go down and get myself a bunch of porn video's. Again,I would not consider doing this for sex reasons,there's far easier ways to get fun sex than that.

    As far as the first example you made, I would have never done this. Why did they agree to such a thing if pregnancy was possible? If your infertile i.e. your tubes are tied you've had your ovaries removed etc. and there's no way in hell you can get pregnant then that case could have worked.But obviously,she WAS fertile.Why wasn't this considered and talked about as "what if" BEFORE having sex? Sorry but sex does have another purpose besides just pleasure and that's to get the guy to squirt in the women so she........get's pregnant. If they talked about the risk of getting pregnant and couldn't agree on what to do if such a thing happened, then why do it unless you didn't care if it broke up the relationships involved? Secondly,doesn't this happen all the time in a slightly different situation.Where a guy cheats on his wife and his "girlfriend" get's pregnant.How it all came about, was different.The end result is the same.The marriage/relationship breaks up,girlfriend pregnant bla bla bla.

    Ummm...I ain't a hippie and never aspire to be one.I don't ever plan on having any type of hippie commune nor morman compond.How does this example have any relevance to me? Doesn't this happen as well in other situations where a girl goes out and boinks a few guys and then doesn't know which one was the Father? Or how about the ones that do know who the Father is but the Father is looser and has no interest in the child's life and has never even seen the kid.Or a child being given up for adoption and no record was kept(or it was lost) as to who the parents were.The end result is again the same.

    I have invested alot of time, money, effort and pain in having my children.I would never do anything that I thought for a second would pose a danger to my children in a polygamy relationship or monagamy relationship or being single or whatever. It seems funny to me that it's acceptable to most people to have a threesome in many different combos,same sex realationships, serial polygamy or f*** buddies all for pleasure sex but when it comes to having families polygmay is off limits? Children can be hurt in each one of the circumstances stated. I'm not saying I would absolutly do anything like this.But we have talked about it and considered it from a philosophical point of veiw.The chances of something like this happening is so small I doubt it would ever occur.I do wonder where marriage is going to go in the near future.I can say I don't stay married to my husband because of a stupid piece of paper and a ring.I do it because I choose to.I'm interseted in the success of families.And I'm open to talking about many different ideas on many different subjects whatever they may be.

  • FlyingHighNow

    Ummm...I ain't a hippie and never aspire to be one.I don't ever plan on having any type of hippie commune nor morman compond.How does this example have any relevance to me? Doesn't this happen as well in other situations where a girl goes out and boinks a few guys and then doesn't know which one was the Father? Or how about the ones that do know who the Father is but the Father is looser and has no interest in the child's life and has never even seen the kid.Or a child being given up for adoption and no record was kept(or it was lost) as to who the parents were.The end result is again the same.
    My examples weren't for anyone in particular. The first questions only were addressed to you. Still, I'm sure most of the kids in your examples would wish they had a normal, nuclear family with both parents there if possible. It's not always going to happen. But it's what most children want. Still, healthy kids are raised in single parent homes and homes with step families. Then there are also gay couples who raise children and they seem to thrive.
  • Swan

    "The greatest freedom we have is obedience."

    Gee, doesn't that sound familiar? I love the parallels between them and the JWs. I love these little catch phrases and slogans they keep inserting into the dialog. Typical cult speak. Things that don't really make any sense at all except in the warped logic of people conditioned to respond a certain way when their beliefs are questioned.

    Remember the JW phrase that was going around after one assembly drama, "To obey is better than a sacrifice."

    I also liked the tour Roman gave to the newspaper reporters, explaining why they were the one true church. Wasn't it funny when the paper misquoted him? "We're just like homosexuals." --- I just about died laughing!

    And isn't it interesting how, like the JWs, they try to spin everything they aren't trying to keep on the down-low.

    I think that Roman's new wife (Rhonda?) talks the talk pretty good, don't you? And she is so self righteous about it. And what about obedience to the command, "Thou shalt not steal?" Obviously that doesn't count. After all, look who her husband is. Roman, that old thief. And then the whole, we do one thing, but call it something else to get around the law. Hey, if she isn't old enough to be married under the law, it's child molesting, no matter what they call it.

    And what was going on between Roman and Nikki in the bedroom? A little incest, maybe? A guy who would marry a little girl would certainly have no scruples about his daughter giving him a blow job, or whatever was going on.

    Bill's father is also a sleaze. He makes his wife come and go through the back window by sitting out front of the house with a shotgun. He kicked his son out of the house at age 14 (this sounds a lot like disfellowshipping) by taking him to downtown SLC and tossing him out to survive on his own. (What did Bill have to do to survive on the streets?)

    And yet, as much as I detest most of the men in this show for their terrible treatment of their women, I sure do like Bill. Flawed though he is, he seems to genuinely care for his family. He hasn't kicked his son out of the house for getting too chummy with his new wife Margene, he tries to give them everything they want, he tries to protect them, and he genuinely cares for his employees. He still tries to care for his parents, even after what his father did to him.

    I like the Henrickson family. I even like Nikki, as manipulative and childish as she is. I think she is a product of her environment. I think there is some serious abuse in her past. And poor little Wayne. That was the birthday party from hell! And what did Barb do that she feels so guilty about? Does it have anything to do with why Roman had to help Bill out because of her?

    A very interesting show.


  • cruzanheart

    Yeah, Chris and I are hooked! I think Roman had to help out with medical bills -- Barb had cancer a few years ago.

    Bruce Dern is HILARIOUS!


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