UBMs - why do we love JWs??

by Super_Becka 52 Replies latest social relationships

  • sass_my_frass

    Interesting. My husband is all of these:

    He's so attentive and affectionate, he's very caring and loving, he's patient with me, he doesn't mind that I'm neurotic or paranoid, he's not afraid to tell me that he loves me and that he misses me when he hasn't seen me in a while, he's always doing nice things for me and he loves planning things for us to do together, he's sweet, he's funny (in an awkward, nerdy, socially-inept kind of way), he's adorably clueless about most things, he has nothing but good things to say about me, he likes to show me off to his family (yup, he likes to show me, the non-JW girlfriend, off to his JW family, and they actually like me!!), he's always giving me compliments and telling me how much I mean to him, when it's time for us to part ways after a visit, he cries with me, he holds me close to him in a way that I've never been held before, he looks at me like I'm the only girl on the planet... And on top of that, he doesn't drink (only very occasionally, and not to get drunk), he doesn't smoke, he doesn't have any nasty or dangerous habits, he's not a party animal, he's close to his family and appreciates that I'm close to mine, he doesn't have a list of ex-girlfriends as long as his arm, he's just so much "cleaner" than most of the other guys out there.

    ... but none of these:

    Sure, he has his issues, he's staunchly opposed to holidays (though he's promised to celebrate Valentine's Day with me, go figure), he doesn't agree with blood donations or transfusions, he's socially inept and completely and utterly tactless, among other things, but nobody's perfect, right??

    ... which indicates to me that you're with your almost-but-not-quite-perfect partner and you want to change him into your perfect partner. I wish you good luck, but also that you'd come to your senses.

  • sass_my_frass
    I'd never try to "change" a guy to make him into exactly what I'd want him to be, it doesn't work that way, but some compromise and change is always required in a relationship to make it work, so who knows.

    Oh dear.

  • Poodles

    Thanks CYP

    I'll think on what you said and the part about screwing up our kids lives, that hit home as well!!

  • MsMcDucket
  • Check_Your_Premises
    I'll think on what you said and the part about screwing up our kids lives, that hit home as well!!

    Glad it was well received. You have to careful when you go the grumpy old man route.... sometimes it backfires. Luckily you were in the mood for a grumpy old man giving it to you straight.... which to me shows a maturity, character, and ability to accept harsh truths.

    The part about messing up your kids is the one nobody ever warned me about. Whenever I made a bunch of dumb decisions people would try to appeal to me by pointing out the damage I was doing to my life. Dummy! If I cared about myself I wouldn't be doing these things!!!

    Everybody cares about their kids though!

    On the other hand, there is an especially sick sort of self loathing I have noticed.... whereby people think so little of themselves, they actually project that loathing onto their children.

    But I digress.

    I have found that a good rule when looking for a guy/girl, is to ask yourself... "would I want this person as my children's parent? Is this how I would want my children to turn out?" This dawned on me when once when I considered the idea of dating a stripper. Is this how I wanted my daughter to turn out?!?!?!

    If the answer is no, they gotta go.

    "But I am not marrying this person, just dating"

    Babies don't care about your little plans. They show up when and where they damn well please.... and when they do they have an attitude, they are the purest example of self-centered you will ever find!


  • Poodles

    Good morning CYP

    I hope your day is going to be a great one!! I enjoy the things you post, are there more thoughts you would like to share?? I am the kind of person who is always willing to listen to what others want to say even tho i may not take their advice!! To me, what people say about themselves can sometimes help someone else with the same problem, that is why i post my problems here, maybe one of the nice people in this forum can help me w/o even knowing it!! I lack the emotional strength to end it once and for all!! How cruel of him, he knows just what he is doing to me and doesn't care!! I will take some of the blame because i also know what he is doing to me and i am allowing it!!

  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    Seriously now....I've made some big mistakes.

    But doesn't anyone ask questions before they start to fall in love?

    • What religion were you raised?
    • Do your parents/family butt into every part of your personal life?
    • Do you want kids?
    • How will you raise kids?
    • Do you plan to go back to a destructive mind control cult after we are married?

    Questions I know I should have asked. But now here I am 8 years AND 2 little boys later and still the Watchtower comes up almost everyday.

    If you are involved with a JW, it encompasses almost every part of your life for the rest of your life. Even if they are inactive.

    There doesn't seem to be a month where there isn't some pagan holiday festivity or preparation for some pagan holiday festivity. Not a day when the political system of this world isn't bashed for it's stupidity or the problems of humanity glossed over because...THE END IS NEAR!

    You really have to be like a duck to be in a relationship with a JW or Inactive-JW. You have to let it all roll off your back and not bother you. You must have your rose colored glasses duct-taped and super glued to your head so they won't ever come off....because when they come off there is a a big surprise waiting for you.

    It's called REALITY.

    The reality of waking up next to someone who doesn't have the same expectations from life that you do. It's spending your precious time here on this Earth with someone who believes...EVEN IF THEY DON'T SAY IT...That their life with you is just temporary. Because if you don't conform and believe what they believe then....



    By entering into a relationship with a JW or Inactive JW you are accepting that you are always going to have secrets kept from you. Your mate/lover/husband/wife will be keeping secrets from you and about you and your life together...who will they be sharing the secrets with - The Watchtower Society and its representatives aka Elders. Because they are always accountable to those PEE -ONS until they are either disfellowshipped or disassociated. And even if they come back to the WTS after being DF'd or DA'd...they are accountable to those same PEE-ONS for what they did whilst they were away.

    By entering into a relationship with a JW or Inactive JW you are saying to yourself and to them....I accept it that I have to respect all your beliefs and you can freely and openly mock and stamp all over my beliefs - because - YOUR BELIEFS ARE RIGHT AND THERE IS NO POSSIBILITY THAT THEY ARE WRONG...BECAUSE HELL...YOU'RE ONE OF JEHOVAHS WITNESSES. JEHOVAHS CHOSEN PEOPLE...THE ONE THE ONLY PERFECT RELIGION HERE ON EARTH.

    But if you can handle that...I say go for it!

    Live it up!

    Stepping down off my soap box now and going back into hiding.

    Best Regards,


  • Check_Your_Premises

    (((Why Georgia)))

    Sounds like you need a vacation too!


  • Poodles

    Good morning Chrystal

    I hope your day will be a great one! I will keep in mind everything you said!!


  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    Hi Paula,

    I'm a California girl too, although I'm in Massachusetts now.

    Please read all posts from those of us who are married to JW's or in LTR with JW's.

    It's very eye opening.

    Have a great day!


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