How to reply to the inevitable invitation to Memorial this year...

by nsrn 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • Frog

    sorry can't come, it's a full moon and I'll be out performing animal sacrifice rituals for my pagon lunar god ;) x

  • upside/down

    I have NEVER even been solicited... they f*cken hate me!


  • AudeSapere
    I have NEVER even been solicited... they f*cken hate me!

    Ummm u/d ... are you bragging or complaining???


  • TresHappy

    Here's what I wrote to someone one year,

    Dear _____,

    I will not be able to attend the Watch the Bread and Wine Go By Festival this year.

  • Victorian sky
    Victorian sky

    It can be hard. Last year my in-laws sent us a memorial invitation with a handwritten note on the back filled with guilt and emotional blackmail. First they pleaded with us, it would make them so happy if we went, that turned into 'You're showing gross disrespect for Jesus and Jehovah by not going to the memorial'. It was tough but we didn't go and they didn't ask. We went to easter at our church instead and celebrated the resurrection of Christ in a joyous atmosphere instead of the doom and gloom of the memorial. I know you don't want to hurt your parents or these JWs that are helping them.This day means something to them even though it means nothing to us so I try to soften the blow and say, 'Thank you for the invitation, we'll see.' That's code for - 'hell no, we're not going!' I say it with a smile but firm, no further conversation or explanation. Do what works for you. Please tell us how it goes. God Bless - V Sky

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Thank You for the invitation, but I am going to be out of town that day......... or, I have a previous engagement for that day...... or, I have company coming that week....... or, I have to work that night........... Aka the class of many excuses.......

  • MsMcDucket
    I've been doing this for 25 years now--you'd think I'd get over it !

    Can you tell them that you suffer from agoraphobia and teletophobia, therefore, you can't leave the house?

  • nsrn

    Thanks for the replies. It's the guilt thing. Part of me wants to tell them "Hell, no! Wasn't eighteen years of torture enough???" while the guilty part of me is thinking 'What would one evening hurt? I'm am being selfish. My folks are old, it would please them so much...' Then that kind of thinking literally makes me nauseated.

    I have a wonderful church family (Methodist) and a great faith in a loving God. But I just don't think I'll be free of the witness guilt thing until my parents are gone.

    If I can avoid answering the door, or at least get my husband to do it, I'll take that route. Or maybe I'll get lucky, and this will be the year they miss me!

  • Scully
    the guilty part of me is thinking 'What would one evening hurt? I'm am being selfish. My folks are old, it would please them so much...'

    Turn the situation around: suppose your lovely Methodist church had an open house for some kind of celebration, and wanted you to invite your JW family members. There would be refreshments, nice music, and friendly people. No obligation to join the church or even to donate. Would your parents go, even if it would make you happy, even if it was just for one evening?

    You know what they'd say. You know what they'd do. Now you can decline without feeling guilty.

  • atypical

    nsrn, I totally feel for you. I am going through the same thing. Even though I am being treated like sh*t by the local witnesses, it will be as though I am breaking the hearts of my family and long time family friends if I don't even go to the memorial. No matter how much you know it shouldn't matter, it doesn't change the screwed up reality of being surrounded by jws in their full blown witness mentality.

    It sucks. I have considered going, and using the opportunity to get in a few people's faces who I know have been spreading rumors about my "absence" from the meeting. But then, I know I will still be viewed as the big disappointment.

    I hope it turns out well for you. Just know that there are others going through the same situation.

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