Now, that I'm in my forties...heading toward fifty, fast; I feel old. I feel like I've wasted a good part of my life with religious hang-ups! I think that I would have done a lot of things differently had I not been raised the way I was. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
Do you feel old?
Yes, at 47 I sure do. But thank goodness not my whole life. Wasn't raised a dub.
Welp......now that I'm 60, I hafta say, my mind keeps trying to tell my body that I'm really only 30-something, but my body is not a "team player."
Yes, I got out in my early 20's and am now 46. Much of my life has been spent trying to undo the impact of the JW's as well as some other issues from my early childhood. My kids are still kind of young and that keeps me feeling youthful. But since my JW mom died in Dec. of 2004, I am really feeling the age thing.
I have thought a lot about this subject, having become a JW at 18 and escaped at 47 (5 years ago). When I AWAKE!-ed from my foolish dreams of paradise, I suddenly felt like I was almost back at the age I had been when I was recruited. It was a very strange sensation, but one I have tried to capitalize upon. I never did many of the things that one traditionally does as a young adult, and so I went about remedying some of that. Acting with a youthful viewpoint goes a long way toward feeling young, no matter the biological age, I believe. Here is something I wrote a while back on the whole age thing.
How old is old?
When I was a kid, “old” was much younger than it is now. As a child, I certainly had no hesitation about viewing my grandma, who was in her mid-fifties, as “old”. She had gray hair; she had wrinkles; she had those upper arm ‘wings’ from weight fluctuations. But she also had equanimity and patience that my younger parents could not always muster. But, come to think of it, they seemed pretty old to me as well.
But that was then, and this is now. And now, I am 51 years old. Funny thing though, I don’t feel much different that I did when I was 31, or even 13--at least not in spirit. Naturally I have a lot more experience in life now, and hopefully some well earned moxie to go along with it. But the little voice inside that is “me” has not aged at all, from the first moment I became aware of it. It seems to be timeless.
Certainly, time, gravity, and their effects on flesh cannot be denied. But I think the biggest contributor to being “old” is thinking that you are. I see it all around me, and not only from people who have lived longer than I—folks declaring themselves old! They come right out and say it. “I’m old,” announced one woman where I work—and she is five years my junior. But when I observe her posture, her demeanor, her spirit for life, I have to agree with her.
It seems that mid-life is indeed a dividing line of sorts. On one side are those who see the best of life and themselves as already over and done with, who feel the weight of the struggling that life puts us through, and just don’t have the energy to enter the fray with much enthusiasm anymore. On the other side are those who are hoping that they may yet be surprised by life, may yet learn something new and exciting, and that the future holds as much for them as the past—maybe more.
We may have thought our day as the cutting edge generation would never end, but we see now that the future belongs to our children and their children. But not yet; we still have time on our side. So, to those who of us who remember Elvis when he was alive the first time, who grew up watching filmstrips at school advising us on how to survive nuclear war, who worked hard and did everything we were told we ought to, only to realize that the people who made those rules didn’t make them for our benefit: keep learning; keep growing; make your world larger instead of letting it close in around you.
About that grandma of mine who I thought was old when she was my age—she is about to turn 99 years old, and she still reads romance novels for fun. I once asked her if these books, with their cover illustrations of hunky golden men embracing breathless and beautiful women, were hot. “Oh yeah!” she replied, with a twinkle in her eye. Go Granny!
Truman, you do have a nice attitude and outlook about it. I should aspire to feel like you.
FHN, you're still looking good! Such rosy cheeks! I'm sure that you're full of life!
Welp......now that I'm 60, I hafta say, my mind keeps trying to tell my body that I'm really only 30-something, but my body is not a "team player
Frannie, you're as sharp as a tack, and have the greatest since of humor! And I must say, you're a glamorous looking lady. I bet that you still turn heads!
Hi Evita, I know how you feel. My kids are older and since the other two started shunning me, it's had an affect on my viewpoint. I guess that I didn't expect a separation like that. I kind of thought that they'd go off to college and keep in touch, not join the dubs and start thinking of me as a devil. Whew! If only, I hadn't been so hard-headed. I should have never opened up the door. Hopefully, I won't be feeling this way for long. I told my shrink about everything, and how I get down in the dumps. She asked me to go to see a psychologist. She told me that the lady was good with people that are going through what I'm going through. I was supposed to go on Thursday. I cancelled the appointment. I just couldn't see myself sitting on a couch or whatever talking about myself.(sigh)
I guess that I'm just tired. Maybe, I'll feel differently in the morning.
Enjoy those babies!
I am 44 YO and going on to 45 but I don't feel old at all and I am pleased with my past achievements up to the present time and frankly I don't care one bit about growing old as long as I don't get hit by any chronic illnesses. Most people are surprised to hear that I am 44 they make me mid to late 30's. My hair hasn't turned grey at all but it's the power and quality of the spirit that really matters.