u/d 1:1....And yeah u/d decideth to plagarizeth...and this is whateth he spoketh...or is it "spake"? anyhoo...
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. You should live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
If you lend someone twenty dollars and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
No one is listening until you fart.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
Never wrestle with a pig: you both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you," though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent..
No books will be as good as the ones you loved as a child.
Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables: get someone else to hold them while you chop away.
Never give yourself a haircut after 3 martinis, or 3 margaritas, or 3 shots of Tequila.
When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, your body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "Woo hoo! What a ride!"
The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it.
It's true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
It takes only a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way.
All hail u/d who speaks TRUTH!
u/d
REAL "truth"....Prophet u/d speaks!
by upside/down 10 Replies latest social humour
-
upside/down
-
skyman
Wise words.
-
kittyeatzjdubs
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, your body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "Woo hoo! What a ride!"
WOOHOO!!!!
Truer words could not have been spoken by jeebus himself.
ALL HAIL U/D!!!!
luv, jojo
-
daystar
Great one-liners!
Here are a couple of my favorites:
"A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the 'why' for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any 'how'."
-Viktor Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning“People often react most defensively when challenged not on their firmly held beliefs but on beliefs they wish were true but suspect at some level to be false...”
- Christopher F. Chabris
"God and Nature first made us what we are, and then out of our own created genius we make ourselves what we want to be . . .Let the sky and God be our limit and Eternity our measurement."
-Marcus Garvey (1887-1940)
-
wombat
u/d.......
Very entertaining....
Keep them coming.
Wombat.
-
Super_Becka
"You're only young once, but you can immature forever!!"
And my personal motto:
"You don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing."
-Becka :)
-
-
Mastodon
"The chance of a piece of bread falling with the butter side down, is proportionate the cost of the carpet".
-
upside/down
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the butter side down, is proportionate the cost of the carpet".
I thought it was how hungry you were...
What if you have tile floors?
u/d(of the being a smart ass class)
-
tetrapod.sapien
ha ha ha!! omg u/d, where did you get those from? you plagarized them from somewhere? those were brilliant man, love those.
these ones are going to be plagarized over to the tetragod bible now, while we're at it. my faves:
You should live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you," though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent..
ROFL yes!
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, your body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "Woo hoo! What a ride!"
in u/d's name, amen.
we thank you joe hoba, each day and each night. for this guy named u/d both firm and bright -- lol
TS