for the DF'd: did you confess or were you ratted out?

by kid-A 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • p717

    Being someone hopelessly inclined toward artistic pursuits, I was never officially disfellowshipped, dissassociated, or ratted out (that I know of). I just didn't fit in with the corporate culture.

    As a child, I was often sanctioned because I couldn't "sell" something as the absolute truth when I myself knew that such thing were impossible in the human condition (and we were also taught that through the organisation).

    As a teenager, I was constantly reprimanded because I did too much extra-curricular study on a given subject. Sometimes I was praised because "I brought information in a very interesting way", but most of the time it was a negative response. I was also sexually abused which made me "material unworthy for marriage"

    As an adult, I natually married "outside of the faith" because I wasn't good enough for the pristine folk (i.e. the kids I grew up with who were known all over town for their double lives and promiscuity). I was castigated for that quite sharply, but I questioned that, since it wasn't a dissassociating offense. I also thought I'd be welcome because I was studying with my spouse.

    He, on the other hand, was disgusted with how women were treated in the organisation, and voiced his concerns. I was personally attacked by the elders for his responses, as if "no man in his right mind would dare stand up for women. It must be your tramp wife giving you these notions"

    For my husband's question, I was taken into a room with four elders and debriefed for a couple of hours. I myself never questioned the role of women in the organisation until after that. That was the last time I had anything to do with the witnesses.

  • Stealth453


    They tried 3 times....I left during the third attempted lynching.

  • jwfacts

    I was ratted. was an anonymous site. A close friend wanted to know why I didnt go to meetings anymore so I said the reasons were on the site. She found it interesting and wanted to show her husband. She said she wanted to show him something if he promised not to tell anyone. Like every good witness, as soon as he saw the site he broke his promise and went straight to the elders.

  • Sunnygal41

    DF'd for then elder husband ratted me out...........he's a good company man.

  • sass_my_frass

    Yeah I actually confessed; my mum did a real number on me and made me feel so guilty. I wish I hadn't given them the power now, but it's not my biggest regret. If I hadn't, she'd probably have dobbed me in, but even if she hadn't the family would have broken anyway. At least this way I know that I did everything I could and I still wasn't good enough for them.

  • Stealth453

    my then elder husband ratted me out Now THAT does my computer.

  • dirtyface1

    Well, I was sexing more than one "brother". However, the main one was a M.S. and Bethelite and he didn't know about the others. (I don't want to name names.) He was upset when I told him that I was sexing another "brother". I wanted out of the the J-Dubs... but didn't know how or when to do it. Well when I told the main one about the new "brother" he freaked out. I felt kind of bad about the whole situation and being still under the control of the J-Dubs, I offered the main one (LOL) a solution -- Both of us will go to the elders. He cried and asked what about his mother finding out, the congregation... and him being thrown out of bethel. Long story short -- he wound up that very night going to his bethel elders saying I tried to seduce him! (We were sexing for many years -- remember he was the main one.) He went to his elders with distortions of the facts 9 years ago this month. HINDSIGHT - he went to his elders first in order not to be disfellowshipped. I in turn told the elders (3 of his Bethel elders and 3 of my elders in a committee at 120 Columbia Heights) the DETAILS of the matter (which with what I know now about that f**king religion, I regret not telling the elders to go f**k themselves!) and about 4 to 5 people were disfellowshipped -- some reproved. I WISH I HAD A FREE MIND THEN LIKE I DO NOW... THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH DIFFERENT!

  • BU2B


  • Lynnie

    My dear mother ratted me out. I had been gone for 2 years and she gave the elders my address

    so they could come unannounced and get the goods on me. It worked, I lived in a communal house at

    the time and we were having a big party when they showed up. No JC for me, I guess they felt they

    had enough evidence against me! HA! and of course to this day my mother will say, well it was

    YOUR decision to get DF'd and she had nothing to do with it! Really???

  • crazy2try

    Goodness......never did get dfd, but ended up in a jc. I dated a jw boy secretly for over a year. My first love. Well things got heated but we never went too far. When we broke up. I was so depressed. I stupidly wrote some things in my diary. Mom found it, says she was trying to figure out why I was so sad. My dad, was an elder, freaked. The boy and I ended up in a jc, getting questioned over and over about our nonsexual relationship. Nasty questions over and over. I was so humiliated and further hurt. They ended up believing us, but we were not allowed to see each other, talk about it, anything, etc. He lost privileges for awhile, but nothing for me. Years later, we finally talked. Finally had real closure. That was horrible.....

    Looking back....I wish my mom would have just asked. Now as an adult reading what I wrote. I can see how they jumped to conclusions. There are several sentences about how guilty I felt.

    Another reason....I'm out. I will NEVER do that to my children.

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