Did you "cry" when the JW's elders Disfellowshipped or Disassociated you?

by booker-t 46 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • booker-t

    My niece who is 19 and involved with a "married" man had to meet with her JW's elders last week. She was terrified because the elders have told her time and time again to get rid of her "married" boyfriend but she refused. She is head over heels in love with the guy. He is not a JW and does not plan to become one. He is just using my niece but she just won't let him go. She is so naive that she actually thought the elders were going to feel sorry for her. I tried to tell her not to meet with them but she went anyway. They told her that she was going to be "disfellowshipped" at her next theocratic ministry school. She wept and wept right in front of the elders. She told me that she literally begged them not to "kick" her out but she said the elders just told her that they had to keep the "congregation" clean from "aldulterers and fornicators" and they had to set an example to let all unmarried sisters to refrain from premarital sex. They also told her that they want her boyfriend to know that JW's do not tolerate immorality such as the churches. My niece is in a depression because the married man's wife called her up and "cursed" her out and threatened her if she continued seeing her husband. So now my niece feels that Jehovah and Jesus hates her and she just want to jump off the next bridge. Do people actually cry when the elders DF or DA them. I laugh so hard when they came to my house and told them off. I would not give them the satisfaction to see me crying.

  • purplesofa

    I sobbed and cried and could not get my breath.........my head hurt......my eyes were swollen....

    I was 28, newly divorced with 5 kids, my ex abandoned us and we were barely eating, and on top of it all my stepdad committed suicide............my mom leaning heavily on me.

    I was sorry for what I did......I lost everything.........then my religion.

    yeah.............I cried.

    that is why I dont think anyone should ever go to a committee meeting alone.

  • Elsewhere

    I Disassociated myself and it was the most liberating feeling I have ever experienced.

    I will always get a funny little grin when I think about the look on the elders' face.

  • serendipity

    Poor girl. She actually thought the elders cared enough about her to help her. It's very disillusioning, I know from personal experience. I didn't cry in front of the elders when I was df'd (for fornication, not adultery) , but I cried later. It was also the only time I cried as an adult in front of my mother because I was shocked and disillusioned. But the experience did help me start to think more independently, to stop putting my trust in the 'org' and define my own relationship with God.

    So now my niece feels that Jehovah and Jesus hates her and she just want to jump off the next bridge

    Please correct her perception on this. Quickly.

  • NYCkid

    I cried like a baby..well after they said they would have to disfellowship me, more because I didn't know how I would explain it to my parents. It was also a blow to my pride. I had gone from zealous superstar to someone who was....<gasp>...dis...fellow...shipped... It's really a demoralizing experience that anyone involved in a religious organization should never have to endure. Since it was about a week before they would announce it, I stopped by to announce it personally to all my closest friends and cried some more. They were all very supportive, sympathetic and oddly non-judgemental. In retrospect, even though at the time I thought I'd get reinstated, something deep inside told me I probably wouldn't. That is why I did that because I made some very good friends in the NYC area (having moved there about 4 years previously) and I wanted them to know that I appreciated their friendship and would always remember them. I must have visited about a dozen or so different friends/famlies over the course of a few days.

    If I had to do it over again, I would never have gone to an Elder for "loving support." It's a lie....LOL



  • stillajwexelder

    From "the other side" I have only had 3 people cry when I announced they were being DF'd - needless to say they wer all female

  • DigitalFokus

    nope, i was repentant but didn't cry. compared to the things in life i had encountered up till then. getting df'ed was nothing.

    besides i was more pissed off

  • purplesofa
    From "the other side" I have only had 3 people cry when I announced they were being DF'd - needless to say they wer all female

    Do you mean announce before the KH or after the decision in committee meeting.

    I hope you don't think people in this situation turn on the tears for pity or sympathy.

    Some people are geniunely sorry and are seeking help from the elder body. This was 20 years ago and I don't think the rules are so rigid now.........that there is consideration of the circumstances a person is in........stress in their life........etc.

    Like I have posted before...........being DF by three men.......taught me to never again to think of them as the society wants us too.........the loving shepards that are there to help us .........and I know they do not know my heart either. I learned that I did not want someones judgement of me to ruin me or destroy my relationship with GOD.


    I got DF for fornication and know the difference between a one time fall to sin, being weak.........and being a willfill practicer of sin. When you can look at someone in the eye and say Yeah, I did that, I liked it and I don't regret having done it........I have been in both situations!

    sorry.........your crying comment ......being on the other side...........just hit a nerve with me.

  • kittyeatzjdubs

    booker, i'm so sorry your niece is going through this right now. i was involved with a married man once, and i remember how it felt. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/107411/1.ashx i remember thinking that everyone who told me he was just using me was either jealous or didn't understand our love.

    i feel for her so much now....it's a terrible thing when men use young girls like that. i've been there...so if you ever need any first hand advice, feel free to PM me.

    luv, jojo

  • collegegirl21

    Oddly enough, when I DA'd myself, I didn't cry, but when I got reinstated I balled, everyone did. My parents, elders and my old friends and family, we all just cried for like 30 mins together, it was F-ing crazy! I was the "example" and I was the prodigal son (well daughter in my case) coming back. I guess everyone knew I would. I can only imagine what they will think when I leave again.... poor people!

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