You know the feeling...seperation anxiety. After that relationship with that "woman" went down the toilet I noticed one creepy thing. I had WAY too much time on my hands. I tried to keep busy but... Those thoughts of the past keept creeping in. Thoughts of her ran through my mind. I hate it...I hate it so much. I tried to drive, It did'nt matter where, just anywhere. But that did'nt help at all. Everywhere I looked I saw HER. It's strange...she never crossed my mind at all until saturday. even hagning out with my cousin did'nt help because I was still puzzeled on how someone could say they love you and would'nt trade you for nothing on this earth, and then just as quickly....Discard you like a used condom on to the street; sorry folks, but that's how I felt. At home I played music, old vinyl records to at least climb out of the funk. It helped, only a little bit though.
Then it happened...
She called me....
My heart stopped, then picked right up again. I was civil, talked about the weather and other things. But then she got down to the jist of it on why she called," I need my old cd back, you need to mail it to me here, ok? That was the only reason why I needed to speak to you. So please don't act all concerned; which you're not. In fact you should go back to the hall; where you belong."
God, if you exist, please smite me, smite me now.
What could I say after that? We parted ways, again.
Then after that I started playing my gangsta rap in anger, somehow hearing "aint no fun if the homies can't have none" by snoop dog. And "Aint nuthing but a word to me." By Too short suddenly uplifted me. I respect women, I LOVE women, but not those that treat people with disrespect and cruelty.I realize that as long as I'm fading, I'm in a weird space when it comes to relationships. I'm ok now...her numbers had been deleted from my phone, the big hurdle that I thought I could NEVER do;ripped up every pic I had of her. It hurt, but realized one thing, she was'nt my first, and she damn sure aint the last to love.
I feel better already.Thanks for reading.