My quest for the woman able to convince me to give up my freedom and marry? (page 8)

Brigid

I do have children. I hope they have children of their own someday and so on and so on and so on. Yes, they are a big consideration. That is why I am in a faithful, monogamous (from my standpoint) relationship right now. But I do not let that preclude me from getting to know others. I do not try to stop my husband from opening his soul to others. He has female friends and colleagues who he spends time with and I do as well (male and female). We've agreed that we stay faithful sexually because that is what is best, most respectful to one another and for safety if nothing else. But I do not own his genitals and he does not own mine. Our souls and intellects are free. I do not expect him to be everything to me and I cannot be everything to him. If he gets emotional, intellectual, etc. from other sources whether they be female or male, he is free to do so (as if it were mine to give!). And likewise with me. If one of those relationships for him became sexual and he told me (hopefully beforehand) I would not hate him. I might even stay with him. I don't know. I just don't "own" or feel "owned" by him.

Hard to explain.

~Brigid

FlyingHighNow

If one of those relationships for him became sexual and he told me (hopefully beforehand) I would not hate him. I might even stay with him. I don't know. I just don't "own" or feel "owned" by him.
Hard to explain.

How do you know how you'll feel? You might find it really pisses you off. It's one thing to be noble in theory, and quite another to be noble in the face of infidelity.

Why does marriage mean you need to feel owned or own someone?

I've been married and divorced twice. This time I am not married. But if there was a child involved, I know I'd feel differently about things.

No doubt that traditional marriage needs to be revamped a bit. And maybe kids need classes in life planning, babies and marriage, starting in kindergarten. Couples should be required to go through classes, workshops and screenings before they are given licenses to marry. They should also have waiting periods after those classes are finished. Rushing into marriage, or going in all starry eyed is a big reason for the 50% divorce rate. Think about it, divorces are hard to get in most cases. Getting married shouldn't be so easy.

Smiles_Smiles

OK so I am very late to this one. But as I read some of the post I just had to say ...

Seven006 ... U GO BOY (uhhh MAN)!! The whole "M" and "D" thang is right on the money for me. It's nice to hear that come from someone I have never met!! Many of the other words spoke my experience and outlook at the present time. Niceeeeee ...

Thank U!

beksbks

Why does the word freedom appear at all in this subject line. The only thing that makes a marriage is mutual respect and admiration, a desire to share LIFE. Do you actually know what love is?? It is NOT selfish. It's not about what you can get out of it, or something that validates you. It's something that grows out of simple moments. It's not sex, that is the icing on the cake. That is the moment that you can be closer to your person than any other, and adds that dimension to it. You can have sex with anyone, if that is all you want out of life. Have you ever been someplace new and wonderful alone? Have you ever watched a movie or listened to great music or eaten a fantastic meal, alone? When you love someone, you have this urge to turn to them and share those moments. You can make an informed decision about buying a car, but every year there is a new model, will you continually question your decision, or get on with living and enjoying the one you bought?

And as far as women not wanting to hear the truth, I would ask if men, particularly early in a relationship, want to tell the truth. Are they actually ready to accept the consequences of telling the truth. Giving her all the info, and allowing her to make a decision that is not what HE wants to hear?

Insomniac

I stand by my original comment: you should have worked all this mess out before you had sex with, and fathered a child by, a lady you were unsure about. My guess is that it's your self-pitying attitude and lack of commitment that are pissing her off. Have the two of you seen a relationship counselor yet? Now might be a good time to explore that option; I know when my car is functioning as badly as your relationship is, I get it to a mechanic asap. Do you value your relationship as much as your car? And why, why, WHY did you feel it was ok to make a baby with someone, but not to marry them? Please don't bring any more kids into this world until the both of you have started acting like adults.

DavidChristopher

Ok, if I don't be honest how will I ever know who I am with really, and why? Does she like my lies?

Does she dig my effort of being who she wants me to be?

I am NOT a runner sorry.

Why don't you "judges" come and stay with us for a week? My treat.....

Lastly....What can I do or say here that will make everyone agree? Is it possible to be right in everyones eyes?

bikerchic

Lastly....What can I do or say here that will make everyone agree? Is it possible to be right in everyones eyes?

No silly man if you come away with nothing else I hope it's this: To thy own self be true.

I highly recomend you read this book: "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen. A tidbit from Amazon.com:

Great Little Book!, May 24, 2005

Reviewer:

Katie "book worm" (PA , USA) - See all my reviews

This little book, filled with much wisdom, can be summed up in this one sentence:

"All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts".

Overall, this book is about taking responsibility for your lot in life - the good and the bad - as it can all be traced to the thoughts you entertain day in and day out. It also shows how our thoughts directly impact our character - we are what we think - How true!!!

I would recommend this book to everyone interested in changing some aspect of their life. It is less than 70 pages & can be read in less than an hour, but its effects could last a lifetime.

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BizzyBee

Dave C -

Your child's best interest is to have a mom and dad together. If that is not possible, think about the difference between breadth and depth. Knowing every possible match gives you breadth, but not depth. Two different experiences. You really can't have both unless you live to be a few centuries old. Which you won't. In fact, your days may be numbered after that little statement.

BB

damselfly

In regards to your "freedom" being given up when you get married, that is BS in my opinion. When I was married we both had our freedom, the only rule was be honest with what you are doing.

Women want honesty less than they want to feel good about themselves. They say they want you to be totally honest with them, but only as long as it's what they want to hear.

Exception to that rule here. I hate it when people tell me what they think I want to hear. I much rather prefer the truth as brutal as it may be.

If you don't want to be in this mess then get out of it and take your son with you.

Dams

rebel8

FlyingHighNow, I so enjoy your posts. You should have your own talk show or advice column!!

My quest for the woman able to convince me to give up my freedom and marry?

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