My quest for the woman able to convince me to give up my freedom and marry?

by DavidChristopher 83 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Abaddon

  I do so love to watch the Universe come wooshing by as it revolves around my crotch... LOL Excuse the irony. It's actually not my point-of0view, but hearing guys talk sometimes you wonder if it's theirs.

  Seriously, I was a dog. I have had as many as five sexual relationships going on at once (most of whom knew all about the others) with varying degrees of frequncy whilst at University.

  But I really find it hard to get how some guys are all surprised when they find out expressing their sexual wishes to women they are in a serious relationship with gets them into trouble. When my then girlfriend and I moved in together I gave up my sexual freedom. I just couldn't see getting back from screwing Sally-Ann and my gf saying 'did you have fun darling?' as realistic or fair.

  However, there is a difference between;

  • I love you and want to be with you as long as we can be together, thick and thin, but I don't see that stopping us having sex with other people at some point, maybe

  ... and;

  • I am with you now but will leave you for another if it suits me

  My fiance (one of the five above) and I are happy with the first understanding. Fully open, no surprises, just sex with someone different for fun, not because we want to find someone better - as we're pretty damn sure we can't.

  If you feel you can find someone better than your current partner, trying to convince them to let you 'try before you buy' so you have a nice and safe situation to return to if you find out the grass is not greener might be a little tricky...
• 

  daystar

  Sorry, not reading four pages of comments.

  Women want honesty less than they want to feel good about themselves. They say they want you to be totally honest with them, but only as long as it's what they want to hear.

  But, to be fair, most men aren't too far from being this way either.

  I decided a long time ago that I care less about saving someone else's feelings than I do about remaining true to what I value most. One of the things I value the most is Truth (as subjective as that may be).

  If a woman ever asks me again if "these pants make me look fat"... my response? "No, your fat makes you look fat." What?! F**k, don't ask me if you don't want the truth! You look fine. But you're a bit on the heavy side. The pants have nothing to do with it. If you don't want to look fat, lose the fat. Work out. Get focused and do something about it. But don't expect me to lie to you just to spare your fragile sense of self.

  Yeah, either I'll die utterly alone, or after having had the most profound relationship possible.
• 

  Saoirse

  I've heard your story before. So many men cry about it: "My woman's a mean old bitch."

  When you didn't get the answers you wanted on this thread, you came back to tell us just how awful your girlfriend is to try to win people over to your point of view. Yep, your girlfriend is a bitch and you, of course, are so loving and kind. Just staying with her because of the kid.

  Bullshit

  It takes 2 to tango, old boy. You're not innocent in this. I'd wager money on it.

  Amen! I just saw an episode on Cops where this woman called the police because she was abused and then when the cops arrested her scumbag boyfriend, she proceeded to yell at the cops. These people don't want help, they thrive on the abuse. David, do whatever you want. It's apparant that you don't really care about your child and that you have no intentions of changing or creating a better environment for him. If your son has behavior problems it's probably because of the things he sees you and his mother do. [sarcasm] I'm sure your son will have a bright and happy future. [/sarcasm]

  I like how you said that....You sounded like an attorney....Nice use of words

  Thanks
• 

  daystar

  Now that I've read four pages...

  If she acts as psychotically as you say, what the hell are you still doing anywhere near her?

  If I were you, I would get my sh*t together, get a job, get the hell out of there, and then hire a lawyer to get custody of your son to get him out of that bad situation as well. You should document all the screwed up crap she does, with dates and times.

  Take responsibility for your life and for your son's. Forget the woman.
• 

  seven006

  Sparkplug,
  
  
  Glad I could make you smile, it sounds like you needed that. As little Orphan Annie said, and I will sing it with my best little girl voice for you; “the sun will come up tomarrow...bet your bottom dollar on toooomaroooooooo. Some times I just crack myself up.
  
  
  Lola,
  
  I agree with you but… deciding to commit and get married is a conscience choice, having a child is not always. I myself am one of the millions of “mistakes” as my dad has put it. I think most of us were not planned when it comes to our birth. That doesn’t discount a parent’s responsibility in the slightest but I doubt if David’s son was planned if I can read between the lines of his story. Non-the-less, to me, my boys were the best thing that ever happened to me. Their mother was a monster but I wasn’t in total control of my mind either and made a lot of mistakes also. It took me a long time to figure that out and accept it. Mistakes can be made but they can also be dealt with to the best of our ability.
  
  
  Andi,
  
  I do not have a completely warped sense of humor. It may be a little twisted but it’s not completely warped. Wait a second… now that I think about it,,,never mind.
  
  Stop waving at me!!!! Big hug ya little munchkin.
  
  
  David,
  
  “your woman?” Is that kind of like “your truck?” Give me a break. Don’t use your or her fractioned heritage as an excuse. You need to look at “reasons” not “excuses”. With that comment the picture is becoming clearer. Put down your psychological bow and arrow and join the 21st century. Being bull headed on either one of your parts is not genetic, it’s probably more of a local cultural excuse for being stupid. I have read some of your other posts on other threads and you seem smarter than that. Use your intelligence to figure it out instead of your blood line and you just might find some answers. People here can help you think but they can’t do it for you. Being a man is not labeling your sons mother as “your woman”. You got out of the cult, that took some intelligence and some guts. Use them now in this issue. If you do, YOU will figure it out.
  
  
  Dave
• 

  lola28

  DC,

  You need to get out of this situation ASAP, you are an adult and if you want to mess up your life thats fine, go to it. However this is no longer about you or "your woman", this is about your child who should not have to deal with having a crazy mother and a father won't get of his a** and leave a bad situation. Some relationships are worth fixing and working hard at, I don't think that is the case here.

  If you love your child, leave, get out. Do not try to work things out this is a toxic relationship and it won't get better.

  lola
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  The pants have nothing to do with it.

  I want to educate you fellows here. When a woman asks you if she looks fat in something, she is asking you, not if she is fat, but rather whether or not the particular article of clothing is FLATTERING to her particular figure. Some pants or skirts are flattering to some types of figures. Other styles may not be flattering. The right outfit can make you look like a million bucks. The wrong one can make you look dumpy or high light flaws.

  When she asks you if it makes her look fat, she wants to know if the outfit looks good on HER. If you don't think something is flattering to a woman, just say, "Well, that cut isn't as flattering as most of the things you wear." And it might be more prudent for her to run it by a girlfriend of hers, preferrably one who has a good eye and good taste in clothing.

  Now, back to the thread subject, David Christopher: Going along with what Robdar said....

  I have an exhusband who whines to everyone about how horrid our kids and I am. He never says a word to anyone about his alcoholism, his stark inability to manage money or his antiquated, mysoginistic way of viewing the feminine gender or marriage.

  My son in law is paying dearly for going to his Navy command, friends and family with reports of the horrors of my daughter, over the past few years. He never told them of the horribly selfish things he was doing to her and the kids. Now that she's left him, he says I am the only person he can turn to who will be fair to him and to understand he loves my daughter unconditionally and wants to save his marriage. And I have been fair and loving to him always and presently.

  There are ALWAYS two sides to a story. People who only listen to the one mate's story without acknowledging they've not been given all the facts of both sides, well how can those people's opinions count or matter? They are giving you advice based on partial and very biased info which is unwise.

  Abaddon could be right. Could be letting your crotch do the thinking? Very few people, men or women, who go sowing wild oats end up doing it indefinitely. It just aint what it's cracked up to be. Maybe you're hell bent on finding that out the hard way.
• 

  Brigid

  I did not read all 4 pages, but I think you were right to be so honest. I wish all people were that way (honest). I wish even more that we were whole enough to hear honest truth.

  Look, the old model of marriage is archaic. It places both souls in a slavery position. Women give up their bodies in childbearing and raising (we cannot just walk away in most cases) and in many cases (NOT ALL) subservience. In turn, men give up their wallets--their productivity and energies are largely tied up in sustaining the nest and he concedes his evolutionary drive to inseminate as many and various females as possible. This old model worked very well when the female needed the male hunter/warrior/protector to access food, goods, protection. And the male had no way to bring forth his seed (still true--oh,oh not boding well for men).

  As that feminine need fades with modernization, so does the need for the traditional male/female relationship. I want to connect soul to soul. Not just sex (I can easily be monogamous in that area, if my husband ever finds he cannot, I wouldn't hate him forever) but connection and knowing--really knowing and experiencing a variety of people, male and female.

  Now, having said that, it produces the question: Where do we go from here? As industrialization grows and our needs are more easily met, how do we share this planet and raise up young humans? Time will tell, but it has been postulated that with advances in genetics (cloning to propogate the species) and robotics (to take out the trash and change the oil in cars), the human male as he has always existed (to inseminate, protect, provide) could become obsolete. I mean, we already have plenty of people aplanet. Wanton spreading of seed is not needed any longer from an evolutionary standpoint. Both genders need to evolve. Women past their need to be provided for, the men beyond the need to spread ala Johnny Appleseed. Now that the hierarchy of needs has been met, let's do something creative!

  Welcome your female overlords!

  ~Brigid
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  Interesting Brigid, but do you have children? Like it or not, children do matter in the consideration of how to redefine marriage. When there are children involved, they really matter most.

  I applaud DC for being honest, too. Why'd he wait so long? We all need to know accurately the level of commitment in our relationships. It's only fair for both to be honest.
• 

  Robdar

  Now, having said that, it produces the question: Where do we go from here? As industrialization grows and our needs are more easily met, how do we share this planet and raise up young humans? Time will tell, but it has been postulated that with advances in genetics (cloning to propogate the species) and robotics (to take out the trash and change the oil in cars), the human male as he has always existed (to inseminate, protect, provide) could become obsolete. I mean, we already have plenty of people aplanet. Wanton spreading of seed is not needed any longer from an evolutionary standpoint. Both genders need to evolve. Women past their need to be provided for, the men beyond the need to spread ala Johnny Appleseed. Now that the hierarchy of needs has been met, let's do something creative!

  Hi Brigid, great post. However, I do not agree with your conclusions. Sure, advances in genetics and robotics could affect the male's future role in society but men most certainly will not become obsolete. Why? Because Mother Nature knows that our society and all it entails could end tomorrow. This could happen in any number of ways. An astroid hitting the earth is a good example. If and when that disaster happens, men will be needed for the "wanton spreading of seed." Human diversity and survival depend on it.

  Even if society doesn't end, I certainly hope that men will be around for a long time to come. God bless them. Life would be a lot less fun without them.

  Robyn