by DaveNwisconsin 48 Replies latest jw experiences
When I walked into the KH, it was like Moses parting the Red Sea - a path opened and several people literally turned their faces away
haha..(yes i know not funny)...but you should try this at a district convention....never has a throng parted so quickly...it couldnt have been faster if i had been ringing a bell shouting leper
(thats throng btw...not thong)
i have been shunned quite a bit in the last year.
at first it was horrid.
but now it is sort of pleasureable in an intellectually sadistic sort of way.
of course, intellectual sadism isn't for everyone..... heh...
TS
It's pathetic! Emotional blackmail - nothing more, nothing less! Childishness in the extreme. I want my ball back!
Ian
Let me through my two cents in. Shunning can also happen when you have done nothing wrong and you are doing everything you can to be good.
I believe that the WTS mentality that is fostered caused the R&F (with the support of the elders) to go around constantly judging people. And make snap judgements at that!.
For instance, I remember being scripturally free to remarry and visiting my hometown for a weekend. At a restaurant I ran into an elder from the Hall I used to attend (about two years earlier) when I was in this town. Anyway, when I saw him with his wife he had two sisters at the table with him. I approach their table and said hello. He and his wife were friendly enough and we talked about the oncoming assembly. What amazed me was that in the course of the 15-minute exchange, not once did they introduce their two friends at the table to me. As we talked I kept waiting and nothing happened. So I finished talking to the two of them said goodbye without ever knowing who the other two witness sisters were.
As I thought about this lack of good manners, I came to the realization that in just those 15 minutes the elder and his wife had made the conscience judgment that I was not fit (for whatever reason) to be introduced to two other people in this world and made the shunning decision to not allow me (or them) to know who we are.
How sad.
Hi HQ,
Your comment jogged a memory. I knew a JW sister who had a single *fleshly* brother. He told her she needed to introduce him to single sisters in her cong. She said "I'm not introducing them to you since you're spiritually weak. Work on that, then I'll introduce you. " She told this story to a group of us, rather proudly. I was shocked at her attitude, and that she'd publicize her brother's 'condition' that way. Interestingly enough, though she liked going to meetings to socialize, she hated service. Her solution was to get herself pregnant every few years (against her hubbie's wishes) so she could use her kids as an exuse not to go. What a hypocrite.
I've kind of held off commenting on this thread because it dredges up unpleasant feelings. When I was df'd, and shunned at meetings, it didn't matter much to me, because very few people spoke to me anyway. The few friends I had tended to sit up front while I sat in the back. Our paths seldom crossed the 2 years I went to that cong.
Most of my family spoke to me, at least a little bit, except for my aunt and one of her daughters. I spent one long weekend with my mother. That aunt was there visiting as well. She said maybe 10 words the whole weekend. I just shunned her right back, and acted my happy perky self.
I moved to a different cong the last year I was df'd. Only one person introduced herself in 10 months. During that time, I was laid off from my job. That very week, the one elder who knew me asked how I was. I told him about losing my job. There were no offers of help, even though I had a young child. He didn't even ask if I had grocery money. My JW family were similarly disinterested. I was very disgusted that they didn't even care enough about my child - not even my mother asked about our finances. How sick is that?
After I got reinstated, I kept my distance. I've been doing that for over 10 years, since the friendships are conditional. In a way, the shunning helped me to get over the little bit of reliance I had on JW friends or family. It's also made me very independent. I always thought that if I couldn't rely on JWs, who could I rely on. Of course, now I know that there are a lot of others who would be more willing to help. But the experience of being shunned for 3 years has made me even more of a loner than I was before, and has made me less willing to trust. I keep everyone at a distance. That has been the worst consequence of the shunning, and one I've had a hard time overcoming.
Hemp Lover, what they did to you at your own mother's funeral was unspeakable. Where there any other non witnesses with you to witness that inhuman treatment?
The terrible thing is that that kind of behavior seems to be the rule, from what I have been reading here.
When I got DF, I agreed with them that I was the worst kind of sinner (mind you, I was DF for "loose conduct" and was dumb enaugh to go to the elders for it). Shunning made me feel like a non person. Like the pariah they made me believe I was. I took the strikes fully and willingly. My personality became pulp that year.
well, enaugh with the self pity... but the thing is that even now that I have rebuilt my life and have strong real friendships and success in the worldly world, I have huge selfesteem and confidence issues. On the other hand, I carry my war scars with pride, if I survived that, then I can do anything I want.
Rowan
Hemp Lover, what they did to you at your own mother's funeral was unspeakable. Where there any other non witnesses with you to witness that inhuman treatment?
Yes. As horrible as that week was, there were also some wonderful things that happened as well. One of those was reconnecting with my non-JW relatives. They saw what was happening the first day and went above and beyond to lift me up.
I was DF for "loose conduct" and was dumb enaugh to go to the elders for it
I can relate to this. I served myself up on a platter for all my committee meetings, too.
It is like I have been on death row for murder........
I know in my heart I did not do it, yet everyone, including my family doesn't believe me..........
I have finally after many years been acquitted and released to be free......
Still, so many people believe I am guilty and treat me as such....
Very saddened, but yet at peace in my own heart and ready to tackle new things that I was never able to do in prison....
Waiting with open arms for my family to see my innocence.....
Maybe, maybe not, but I have hope....
How does shunning measure up in comparison to "judge not lest you be judged" and
"love thy neighbor as thyself" . Shunning is wickedness in it's highest form.
